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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit upset?

14 replies

cringing100 · 30/12/2018 22:58

A friend is coming to stay for my early jan birthday but is on dry January. For her birthday we tend to do a bottomless brunch/blow-out type celebration but she is adamant she is sticking to it. Aibu to feel a bit down?

OP posts:

juneybean · 30/12/2018 22:59

A bit. It's not all about drinking alcohol is it?

AGirlCalledJohnny · 30/12/2018 23:06

Great, she can be your DD

Original poster

cringing100 · 30/12/2018 23:07

Haha we are in a big city with excellent public transport sadly - no-one drives! Neither of us do anyway

OP posts:

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 30/12/2018 23:08

Yabu. You can’t have a good time unless she drinks?
This is why people have difficulty cutting down alcohol - they feel they’re letting people down.
You and she will have just as good a time.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 30/12/2018 23:08

I think you are being unreasonable to be honest. I'm met with the same responses myself, the reason I'm doing it is for cancer research and that I do drink too much too often. I think you should be more supportive

MillieMoodle · 30/12/2018 23:09

YANBU, January birthdays can be rubbish as everyone is dieting or not drinking, and many don't want to celebrate. Whilst I'm sure it's not all about the booze, I can understand that if you were looking forward to a couple of glasses of wine and a natter with your friend, you might not feel comfortable drinking if she isn't. I'd be disappointed too.

I'm already not looking forward to my January birthday as my parents are going away just before it and DH will be on a course on my birthday and the day after, so I'll be on my own all weekend with the DC. I'll raise a glass to you OP

trooth · 30/12/2018 23:09

Please respect her wishes and don't encourage/pressure/guilt get into drinking.

greendale17 · 30/12/2018 23:09

YANBU- it is something you both do for your birthdays but she won’t be. I can see how it is disappointing.

ContraryToPopularBelief · 30/12/2018 23:10

Alcohol shouldn't be the be all and end all. As long as she's not going to bow out and go to bed at 8 then it's just readjusting your expectations.

Loads of places do mocktails or non alcoholic beer etc so it doesn't feel the same as someone having a coke iyswim.

If someone is only fun when drunk then they're not fun.

Elephantina · 30/12/2018 23:11

YABU. Maybe you could be more supportive and have a good time without alcohol.

beansonbread · 30/12/2018 23:16

No need to feel down. I've not drank for several years now and still join my friends on big nights out. I have just as much fun as they do but I don't have the awful headache the next day. None of my friends have made me feel guilty for not drinking or tried to persuade me to have a drink. They just accept I don't drink and we go out as normal. I'm sure you'll have just as good a time as normal. Also, I wouldn't feel guilty for drinking around her when it's dry January - it's never bothered me when other drinks. We're all adults able to make our own decisions and be happy with those of others.

Dementedswan · 30/12/2018 23:18

Fellow January birthday here. Every year I get the same... Oh I'm skint, I'll get you something small, I'm all spent up so we can't go out etc.

Ok that's fine, so I suggest i cook, host then the excuses still keep coming... we've had a busy month, I'm tired, kids can't possibly stay up as they had too many late nights, called in all my babysitter favours for Christmas...

Bollocks! I get one birthday a year...It's always on the same date so why the excuses?

WhoTookTheChristmasCookie · 30/12/2018 23:19

If it's just the two of you going, then it is a bit rubbish.
You can't enjoy a birthday blowout when the other person is sober, it just doesn't feel right.
Might as well stay at home with a bottle of wine!

You can't (and shouldn't) force her to drink with you obviously; but I understand the disappointment.

YANBU.

Ethel80 · 30/12/2018 23:20

I never do dry January because it's a good friend's birthday in Jan and I love going out and getting drunk with him on his birthday.

I can understand why you're annoyed as it's not much fun drinking alone but it's not fair to push your mate into drinking either. Can you plan something for February?

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