To worry about retirement with your oh?

[DanielleEvans]

Don’t get me wrong- I do love my hubby but I do worry about the future when we are both retired.

I think holidays like at the moment seem to highlight my fear, I’m quite looking forward to going back to work next week (he works from home so is always here).

Hasn’t really done anything in particular but he’s starting to annoy me now, anyone else worry about retirement and having to spend a lot more time with their partner?

We can't wait! We are lucky enough to not get on each other's nerves when we spend time together and have plenty of plans. We won't be bored or boring . We have shared interests and will be able to enjoy much more of them.

Separate hobbies!
DH is like the energiser bunny..he can't sit still and gets bored very quickly. I'm the opposite, and can happily spend hours alone reading.
He's 57 and I can't see him retiring before 70 unless he becomes unwell. I have to work to 67 for my pension.
By then I hope there will be grandkids, and he will be off kayaking and cycling as he does now, while I play my guitar and read

We love each other but both know we can't be cooped up all day or one of us will end up under the patio!

I wonder the same OP. DH and I get along fine until we have a holiday together and then it's not so great - I can find him very moody and hard to connect with. Admittedly, our teenaged dc are very challenging - it will probably be easier when it's just the two of us. I am planning on ALOT of volunteering and hobbies!

I am too young to hope to retire , and no "it's in my hands" - that's great advice for successful people, but some of us? We have to serve you- the clerks, the cleaners, the bin men, the call centre operatives- we earn what we can with what few opportunities we are afforded. I'm not clever. I'm not going to suddenly become hugely successful. But I contribute to the economy and I don't claim , I am not a drain. But I can hope at best for state pension (which based in my current standard of living would be luxury) but realistically I'll get nothing .

Retirement may well not be an option for many - my dad past retirement age but kept working because he needed the money.

But I think a thread about a life changing event which remains likely at some stage in most people’s lives - even if it will be much later than it should be - is a valid one.

If people are fortunate enough to retire I think it’s not that helpful to suggest they shouldn’t talk about it because others can’t.

There’s a great deal of good fortune in being able to stop work but most people aren’t landed gentry / just people who have worked hard and not been fucked by the pension system

The alternative to retirement is one of you dying before hitting retirement. I'll take the minor irritations over loneliness, thanks 👍

I think this comes down to absolute honesty with each other. If too much togetherness is getting too much ... you just have to say so. You have to work out ways of having your own space and doing your own thing.

After a few nights together, my DP has decided that he'd like to sleep in a different room from me tonight, because he will sleep better ... and that's absolutely fine. I'm sure we will be back in the same bed tomorrow. It's that sort of thing that helps, OP - but the important thing is that you have to be honest about how you feel and about what you want and need.

I use my motorbikes a lot, I don’t expect to make it to retirement

Dh retires for the second time next year at 58 and we move back to the UK. He has plans and I will go job hunting.

We are looking forward to it...we will hopefully have time to do things that we don't now as he is either working or too tired after work.

My dad died at 60, before he retired properly; it is important to get some of the down time if you can.

I've just had 10 days of DH at home and another 7 to go. During term times I work evenings and he works days so we don't see much of each other. The last 10 days though...

If we eat an evening meal together all I can hear is him eating (loudly with mouth open - even one of the DC finish their food quickly to get away from it - isn't this an aural medical condition,?). He uses the downstairs loo for a pee, you can hear it throughout the downstairs. One of the DC say they can't find something turns into WW3. Most things turn into WW3.

I truly dread retirement!

Those of you who look forward to retirement and spending more time with your partners, I salute you!

My parents are having an absolute ball in their retirement. They go on long walks together, do the crossword every day, do a variety of volunteer work (separately and together) have a variety of hobbies (separately and together), go to concerts, visit friends, do day trips to castles, galleries and museums and spend time with the grandchildren. They are clearly best friends and have a super time together.

They are a fantastic example to DH and me.

I think being ready will factor in massively.
We initially retired young a few years back. I was 39, Husband was early 40’s.
We enjoyed some time together doing various things and after about 6 months, we felt a bit bored and not quite ready. We now do something else together but it is completely on our terms.
There would have been issues for us if one of us was in a different mindset to the other but fortunately we agree.
A fundamental friendship helps. We have a laugh together and enjoy each other’s company.

I am.retired at 59 and dh works 4 days a week. He will go down to 2 days in a couple of years.
So I am easing myself into being with him permanently.
We do lots of travelling, hiking, eating and drinking. No grandchildren to look after and none on the horizon for a long time.

It's interesting, but I think hobbies and interests are the way to go.

With my PIL, MIL had been a SAHM and then worked PT for years, so had charities and voluntary organisations she was involved with, so just carried on with that when she retired from her PT job. FIL was big into golf, and MIL encouraged him to take on more of the organising side of club events, plus he went part time for a couple of years before retirement to ease into it.

On the other side, both my parents worked full time in high pressure careers until retiring early, they didn't really have time or energy for hobbies, so didn't have a big network or things they did. They retired and seemed to get old straight away. (PIL are older but you wouldn't think it if they were all in the same room.)

From that, I've taken it's important to have hobbies and interests, stuff to do out of the house, it doesn't have to be joint.

Christmas is different because all the normal things aren't going on.

There's a reason there's lots of newly retired people volunteering in charity shops and going into schools to hear children read, or arranging clubs and societies.

Stopping paid work and doing nothing are different things.

DH and I have seperate hobbies plus I have always let it be known I need time as an individual. I have known couples joined at the hip that do everything together and it would drive me potty. If they both like that then it’s fine. That’s where relationships fall down often it’s not about love it’s about compatibility. My ex was a really great man, kind, fun , and on a career trajectory that was amazing but he needed someone who wanted to be joined at the hip. I found the situation suffocating. It came to a head when we we’re both writing up dissertations, he couldn’t stand being upstairs studying with me downstairs studying he just wanted to be near me all the time. I hope he found someone that wanted this kind of relationship because he really was an overall decent person.

DH has been off work for a week, we had friends round for lunch from 1 till 8. After they left we had a cuppa together and then agreed to sit in different rooms, it suited us both. He watched one of his bloody awful programmes that I can’t stand and I went on my games console.

i should think dh will be quite incapacitated, or even not alive penny drops! Its not going to be easy, don't want to think about it tbh

I cant imagine working in my current job when I am 65, not that it is hard, but some of the older people i work with are a bit slow with any changes. That could be me !

We've been retired for 5 years now and it's great. However, you need to ensure that you have similar expectations. My DH always worked shifts, so we were used to having time to ourselves, and it was important to us for that to continue. My DH has a hobby that he does by himself and I regularly look after our DGC, so we don't live in each others' pockets and really enjoy the time we do spend together.

My parents are gearing up to retire at the moment. They both love sailing and bought a boat a few years ago that they plan to use a lot more of once they've retired. My mum had always said she was dreading retiring because she thought my dad would get on her nerves, but as they've got older they seem to get on better than ever. Dad has mellowed a lot, he was always quite snappy and easily aggravated but this has relaxed now.
DH can take his pension at 50. He's counting down the days - even if it is nearly 20 years away. Health permitting we'd like to travel a lot before grandchildren come along. DH is keen to retire sooner rather than later, his GF retired at 60. Moved to another country, got settled and died 6 weeks later so he wants to enjoy his time.

I know quite a few people who, a few months in to retirement, have got themselves a little PT job - to get out the house, to get some exercise, to chat to people etc. One friend delivers leaflets - he says it means he gets out the house, walks for miles bends to reach the letterboxes, sees people when he is out to chat to etc. He says the pay is a pittance, but it is his 'spending money' and that's not really what he does it for. He does it to stay fit and to chat to people every day rather than sitting in the house alone after his wife died.
Another friend got a job collecting trolleys at a supermarket. Again - a few hours a week for his 'spending money' but the main reason was to put a structure in to the week and to chat to all sorts of people every day. Another friend (exhausted, retired teacher) took a year off, then started volunteering in a school not far from her in quite a deprived area. She absolutely LOVES being able to give a bit of maths support or reading support or language development, just 'time' to the dc, without having all the crap that ground her down as a teacher. The staff there love having someone so capable in to give some extra support a couple of times a week. (OK, that's not an earning one). Someone else has started earning by being a 'handyman' for friends, neighbours, etc. He's inundated with people needing jobs doing.

I was looking forward to it, or at least semi retirement, but got divorced instead. Not my choice!

DP and I have no passionate hobbies we share together. He plays tennis to high standard, so with me would be very boring and he wouldn’t have the patience. Motorbike and racing, defo not me.

I like gardening a bit and diy, more of a home bird.

He’s always asking where we going today, what we having for tea tonight this can be at 10am
it drives me mad.
He’s took over the shopping, washing.
Still get up at 7am and bed at 11.15, Me no set time.