Aibu and Pfb about social media?

[newyearnotsonewme]

Hi all!!

Quick background! Have never had a great relationship with the ILS and have been told on here (nc!) to reduce contact many times. We now see them sporadically around once every 4-5 months when we go to visit. They have visited us maybe once a year for the last 10 years and it's always at our instigation. Anyway, I am now due to have our first baby (a few mcs, so very anxious but excited) and they are very keen. They have been saying all the things they will do with baby etc and have started contacting my dh regularly asking for updates. They now text me maybe once a week. They have also made a big fuss about telling all their friends and telling dh who he must tell. I am trying to remain polite and am aware they are just very excited. I know our relationship with them is going to change but I would like to take it as baby steps as MIL has said some pretty awful things about me in the past.

Anyway! SIL has text tonight asking if she can put our scan photo online (I think on instagram/fb). This is the third time she has asked and we have said we are not keen on this. Here is where I think I am possibly being a bit pfb! Dh and I have decided we do not want any pics of baby put on fb or any announcements. This isn't because it's a big secret and we are happy for ILS etc to tell their friends in person etc but just because we are aware how much of people's lives are now online and would like to limit this for our child. I would like them to decide what part of themselves is online and also not have a load of strangers who we don't know seeing all their pictures. Dh and I are not on SM and don't really get why it is such a big thing (I suppose because we aren't involved in it).

Another reason is I know how painful it was when we were having problems to see yet another pregnancy announcement.

We have discussed it all and decided that's what we would like. Sorry if I'm not explaining our reasoning very well!

I think I am probably already over protective of baby as it has been a struggle to get to this point. And to some extent I am feeling smothered by ILs and their sudden involvement in our lives. However I have told my own sister not to put things on SM too so I'm not saying it to spite SIL. I think ILs will see this as me being awkward with them but it is truly a joint decision.

SIL just keeps saying 'okay I will wait' and when dh says we don't ever want pics on she says things like 'it's fine I'll wait till you change your mind' ?? This makes me think maybe I'm being precious and other people think it too!

Sorry this is so long!

Can't get my head round the fact that she has asked three times now. The hide of a rhino! Basically she wants to put a picture of your womb online without your permission. No no and no.

Putting a scan picture of someone else's insides and foetus is really odd!

Lots and lots of parents have a no photos rule of their kids on social media. And it's not true that it's inevitable when they go to groups or education - most now have a blanket no photos on social media rule or you have to actively opt in for your children to be included. I think this is more and more common as people realise how dangerous it is to have all their info in public. They put a full name birth announcement andthey tag you in a picture and suddenly there's full names including middle names, date of birth, mother and father names (and can probably work out your maiden name) and a description. Just from one post. That's quite scary!!

I really really feel for you ... but u must stand firm.

Both myself and my DH are on SM however after 3 losses I have been adamant that I won't have any reference to my pregnancy online.

Telling people you're pregnant is easy, but if anything bad happens, telling people you are no longer pregnant is very very difficult!! Likewise I have acquaintances on there that I really don't want to share my personal business with.

Friends have wanted to put pictures online of themselves with me (and my bump showing) and I have refused, but they have understood and compromised with headshots!!

Do not give it, stay strong, you ANBU!!!

I always find it odd that PILs can be absolutely awful, barely contact their son/daughter etc but once a baby is in the mix, wel it’s a totally different ball game! My MIL did this. Very odd. She even said to me after our daughter was born “we are real family now”. Ummmmm what?!! I’d been married to her son for 6 years already.

Wanting to put someone else’s scan picture on social media is extremely weird and YANBU at all!

Posting your own one is odd too and way too personal (plus as someone mentioned they have personal details on them) but at least that’s everyone’s own business. I’d go crazy if a relative wanted to post my scan!

@NChangeForNoReason I'm trying 😊😊 yes this is exactly how I feel about this pregnancy! So anxious and already feel nervous that ILs seem to have let every man and his dog know about baby :-/ my own family are so private. My mum has mentioned it to a few of her friends but she hasn't sent out a group text to everyone she knows like FIL! Trying so hard to remember they are just excited but also trying to maintain my own boundaries.

@Claudia1980 I don't get it either :-( MIL has said some truly awful things about me but now it's like we have to pretend that never happened! And she thinks I'm just going to hand over my baby to her! They very rarely bother with dh, like I say they visit once a year if that! His dad does text him maybe once a week but his mum has never really bothered (maybe a text every few months?). Now I'm pregnant it's like we are happy families! I'm struggling! I feel like a vessel for their gc. And I feel like they only really want the gc to show off, because why the sudden interest in gc if no real interest in their son?

This is soooo outing but they and my family live in a different country to us (not far, about two hours travel) and SIL asked genuinely if we were having our baby here or there ? Why on Earth would I have my baby 2 hours from where I actually live and how logistically would that work?!

Sound like you need to set up some boundaries now or you will be like another poster who has in laws visit every 2 weeks to see the baby

@Weenurse yes I've been reading that thread with 😩😩 because I can recognise myself in it :-/ I think we need to chat with ILs about expectations but dh is very much take it as it goes 🙄