Introverted 13yr old “prefers to walk to school alone”

[Idontbuythejellybaby]

I would appreciate some help as I am too emotionally tangled up in this.My younger son is an introvert like me. Sometimes he has a small comfortable friendship group, sometimes not.

He is not often lonely as he is very close to his big brother and there are two pairs of friendly siblings their age on the street so there is a “gang” laid on. He loves and enjoys his family, including DH, uncles and grandparents (no cousins). We’re a good solid functional nuclear family. So in that respect he’s streets ahead of me (I’m a lonely child of warring parents).

He had two good friends in year 6 and I know that made him so happy. On the odd occasion he calls me to ask if someone can come over or whether he can go somewhere and he sounds so happy and proud. So I know he would love to have more “solid” friends.

Now his two friends from yr 6 walk past our house but he doesn’t join them. I think he avoids social encounters for fear of something going wrong. I did at his age.

I can’t get perspective on this. It’s too close to me. He had a really big receptive language delay when younger so he’s come a long long way. We talk about getting out of his comfort zone and putting himself out there.....

I just worry that if he becomes a lazy avoidant friend then isolation wil” become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, on the other hand, sometimes you need to be alone in order to become yourself (not leaning on someone else).

Thanks for reading.

You say these people are his friends? Is he socialising with them in his breaks and after school? If so, then perhaps he just does like the peace and calm of the walk to school alone, to let him get his thoughts in order before the massive sensory onslaught of the school day.

School is a massive noisy collective of activity — an introvert may value a peaceful solitary walk before it all kicks off.

I think he avoids social encounters for fear of something going wrong. I did at his age.

He has four friends on the street and two at school who you say he goes out with or asks back to yours.

I think he might just need the moment of calm before he spends 7 hours being sociable. I love my friends to bits but after that amount of time with them I need to be by myself for a while to recharge, and he's with them 5 days per week.

Have you asked him if he would like to walk with the other boys? Is there any chance he wants to but is too shy to ask or just join them?

If he’s happy to walk alone i think that’s ok. As others have said he might be using that time to gear himself up for the day ahead.

My DS both have friends at school who are near our house, but one always prefers to walk alone. I think he's just happy to have some quiet before the hustle and bustle of the school day tbh.

I agree with the others.

My 40 minute solo commute is my little oasis of calm. I firmly resist any company.

Thank you, That’s very helpful.
My own background was dysfunctional in that mum tried to make us ashamed of not being more popular. So I appreciate being able to get advice on this one.

He does have a history of sensory issue too btw. No longer discernible from the outside.

DD 11's an introvert and walks to school and back on her own. She has far too much social interaction at school as it is. She did walk home with 2 friends before Christmas.

I don’t know your son, so I can’t say whether he would like more friends or not, but I will say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being the kind of person who likes to socialise at “set” organised events and prefers their own company on other occasions.

You could, I don't know, ask him?

Hi, Yes I asked him, he made excuses.