To tell them to let dc sleep!?

[BibBobBoo]

DC is 18wks, normally a pretty good sleeper but has recently gone through 4 month recession which is making sleeping a bit more difficult.

She's not our first child so I think we've coped pretty well and can read all the feed/sleep cues to make sure she's fed/put down for a nap at the right time which has meant that nighttime sleeping has gone really well. A few times naps have not taken place at the right time which has resulted in a horrible night's sleep but we've just had to accept that sometimes things don't go to plan, especially with having older DC.

Over Xmas, we've tried to be flexible with routine as there's been a lot of family/friends visiting and although there's been a few more night feeds than normal,it's been manageable.

However, on Friday, we visited family who were insistent that they knew DC better than DH and I. Every time we put her down for a nap, they'd complain that she wasn't tiredand they wanted to hold her (despite showing no interest when she was awake!).. Oneme I left the room and came back to DC being lifted out of moses basket as she "clearly wasn't tired". A second time, I finally managed to get a clearly overtired DC to sleep only for family member to "accidentally" knock the moses basket 10mins later and, before anyone had chance to say anything, she had picked DC up as she was awake- she probably would have gone back to sleep had she not been picked up.

No matter how many times DH and I told them, even taking DC into another room, they would not leave DC alone so we ended up going home early (we're in the bad books for that, family are "very disappointed" that we couldn't be flexible for one day). That night was the worst night sleep I think DC has ever had- struggling to get to sleep, only sleeping for half an hour at a time- and it continued all of yesterday's naps too.

I'm so frustrated that family can't (or won't) listen to us and then badmouth us to whoever will listen that we're "having a strop" by leaving early. They don't have to deal with the after effects that can last for days.

AIBU to say that, if the same thing happens next time, we will not be visiting them and, if they want to see us they'll have to come here where DC have their own rooms to nap in.

YANBU this would infuriate me beyond end. No one knows your child better than you for one. And two - how disrespectful of them to be picking her up without permission or waking her up etc, bloody rude!!

I would definitely clearly express that dd is not to be interfered with and if it happens then you'll have no choice but to leave - say you're sorry for being so firm, and love that everyone wants to be involved or loves her etc however it majorly disrupts her sleep patterns and they must respect your boundaries.

Oh my Christ- that would have driven me bloody insane - how rude of them!! You sound very tolerant!! I'd put your foot down very firmly from now on & if they don't like it, then tough!!

YANBU. They are twats. I wouldn't visit again, don't give them another chance.

I assume it's your PILs?

I wouldn't have left, I would have made sure dc was fed when needed and left relatives to deal with all of the trying to get to sleep etc - all day and all night.

Unfortunately this might have backfired as if dc didn't settle at all then you'd have to deal with them upon return home.

Totally inconsiderate, selfish, thoughtless etc relatives. Keep your lo away from them as much as possible until they can respect your decisions.

So glad it's not just me. There's a huge backstory (not dripfeeding, it's just not relevant to the op which is why I haven't mentioned)but any interaction with the family has me second guessing myself/their actions and I end up a paranoid mess so I can never be sure if I'm just being overly sensitive.

AnotherEmma, yes it was in laws but didn't want to mention that in the op because I know for some people, in laws can do no wrong so I didn't want that to skew the responses.

Also, with my first dc, my family did exactly the same thing and I did what a pp said and left them to it- day and night-and they realised what we were telling them was true and not just an attempt to "stop them bonding".

Unfortunately, in laws can't/won't take on the responsibility of looking after DC for even half an hour by themselves- they want to do all the fun stuff but won't change a nappy, sort out their meals (even if I do a packed lunch, mealtimes are too stressful), etc. which is fine as DC are our responsibility but makes it a little difficult to cooperate when they're moaning we don't let them babysit.

I would have been raging! Nobody in their right minds wakes someone else's sleeping baby deliberately. There's even a saying about it! It's so unfair when you and your baby have to live with the consequences. Definitely YANBU to tell them that if they do that again that you will leave.

Next time? You're planning on going back? If I was asked again if just say 'no thank you, remember last time? I don't want us to fall out'.