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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think I must be invisible

28 replies

Missingstreetlife · 30/12/2018 13:23

My oh has previous for switching the heating off and going out when I'm still in and arguing over the tv remote but this takes the biscuit?
Eating dinner yesterday and I'm planning to watch something on tv later. He doesn't want to watch tv, nothing on, he's looked, and goes in another room.
My programme ends and I decide to try the new scandi drama. I tell him in case he wants to join me, no it looks rubbish he carries on reading.
After about 40 mins he comes in and says there's a film on another channel, changes it over and can't understand why I get in a bad mood.
What would you say?

OP posts:
WhiteDust · 30/12/2018 13:30

He's bullying you.
Who the hell changes switches over to another programme when someone is already watching something?
Did you say anything?
I hope you put the heating back on when he leaves the house too.
Do you have DC? Is he sulking about something?
Either way, he's being a dick.

HollowTalk · 30/12/2018 13:31

Blimey, if he was a flatmate you'd be looking for somewhere else to live.

Do you have children together?

IWantMyHatBack · 30/12/2018 13:34

I'd say 'what the hell are you doing?'

What do you say to him when he's being so selfish?

SierraSmythe · 30/12/2018 13:46

My oh has previous for switching the heating off and going out when I'm still in

What have I just read?? Your 'D'H is a selfish dick. And to just turn over the TV while you're settled in watching a series... Is he a nice, caring husband in other aspects? If not, I can't understand why you would be married to such a bullying twat.

Original poster
Missingstreetlife · 30/12/2018 13:46

Fed up with arguing, it's never on purpose he just didn't think etc
I just left the room and wouldn't speak to him. He has apologised but I'm still fed up.

OP posts:
AlwaysSomethingThere · 30/12/2018 13:49

Why do so many women put up with this shit, seriously?!

FUCK IT OFF!!!

amicissimma · 30/12/2018 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollowTalk · 30/12/2018 14:05

Why do so many women put up with this shit, seriously?!

I say that to myself every single time I'm on here.

beerandchocolate · 30/12/2018 14:08

OP, you should mosey on over to a thread I have going in Relationships

'Red Flags you are in a terrible relationship'

beerandchocolate · 30/12/2018 14:13

*Why do so many women put up with this shit, seriously?!

I say that to myself every single time I'm on here.*

I think this is a serious question, and one I have had to ask seriously of myself, having been a woman who put up with shit.

I have met loads of women unhappy with where they are living, but who moved because their husband wanted to their husband refused to live where the wife wanted to (say that was where her family was) because he insisted on living where his roots were. In fact, in every case I know of the woman, went along with what the man wanted, even when she didn't want to - including me. Why are so many of us putting ourselves last? Why are so many men entitled and putting themselves first?

I think as a society we need to ask this question and then do something about it.

Original poster
Missingstreetlife · 30/12/2018 16:13

Yes I do put the heating back on but it pisses me off.
No kids at home. Yes he can be sweet, loyal, has been looking after me when I was ill, but unless I hold my corner he just acts like I don't have to be considered

OP posts:
ChesterGreySideboard · 30/12/2018 16:16

never on purpose he just didn't think etc

Bullshit. And if that is the case it shows that he isn’t thinking about you.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 30/12/2018 16:18

but unless I hold my corner he just acts like I don't have to be considered

Does that feel like love in action when this happens?

Original poster
Missingstreetlife · 31/12/2018 17:03

Thanks people, good to know I'm not imagining it!

OP posts:
Hazlenutpie · 31/12/2018 17:09

I would go proper ballistic if DH did that to me. You need to find your inner rage and stand up for yourself OP. Flowers

Original poster
Missingstreetlife · 31/12/2018 17:23

I do go ballistic, I'm no pushover, but it's tiring. He has got stuff going on, so have I. It's just the assumption that he is in charge that creeps in. He really doesn't know he's doing it. Always knows best, even when he doesn't. Oh well, back to work Wednesday. Happy new year!

OP posts:
Bertiebitch32 · 31/12/2018 17:49

Erm if it was me I would say oi dickhead ! I was watching a programme change it back Grin

MamaLovesMango · 31/12/2018 17:58

My emotionally abusive father used to do exactly the things you’ve described OP.

MamaLovesMango · 31/12/2018 18:00

Oh and it was always in the guise of ‘just didn’t think.’ Of course it wasn’t. In his mind, he was the most important person in the house and wanted to make sure everybody knew it.

Original poster
Missingstreetlife · 01/01/2019 11:13

Now placating, even more irritating. I read him the thread, I think the comment about flatmate resonated! I think too much time together, but is that a bit sad? We do have nice times too but I'm not sure it should be such hard work. I used to think it washed over me, but sometimes I wonder how long I want this power struggle. It's not that I can't argue my case and even win but it's never resolved. Perhaps not that compatible though we are quite good friends and lots in common

OP posts:
CraftyYankee · 01/01/2019 11:21

Sure, you're compatible because you let him do what he wants most of the time. Let things slide for an easy life. But is easy actually happy? Don't you want better in 2019?

He11y · 01/01/2019 11:37

Well, it doesn’t solve the bigger issue, but if I’m watching something on TV, I have the remote with me and I’d definitely keep it close if I lived with an arsehole like him! Keep it close and make him ask for it.

CripsSandwiches · 01/01/2019 11:39

I'd be pissed off with him just switching the channel without asking but I'd pull him up on it at the time and switch it right back.

RB68 · 01/01/2019 11:44

there is nothing annoys my partner more than when I have the remote - even if we are watching one of his programmes he gets all itchity makes me laugh like a drain its so funny.

Having said that it has been known for him to change the channel f I get up to make a cuppa.

What hacks me off though is this idea that if one person watching gets up to do something it goes on pause leaving everyone else in limbo while they sort their act out grrrrr

EnglishRose13 · 01/01/2019 11:47

You're not invisible; you're not important.