To feel distracted and confused.

[Timeforchanging]

Also posted in chat
I recently split up with my husband of 17 years due to him cheating. Not a good marriage for years, he had form for online sex chat which hurt me but I put up with for sake of family and kids.
I am moving on, have a good career, friends and family and never thought about the gap in my life. My self esteem has been shot so don’t think I am good enough for s relationship or attractive.
I had a kiss with someone on a night out recently which won’t go anywhere (not at same place in life as I am divorced with kids and person young and single with no baggage) and it has made me feel weird - like opened up a whole can worms in my head. Could I be attractive? Will I maybe not be alone for ever? I don’t think this is really about the person I kissed but more about how it made me feel. Still I can’t help thinking about all to distraction. Any advice how to process this situation. I’m not sure if it is a step forward or back or just a side step.

I’m hoping it is just a side step rather than a backwards move. I feel shaken up.

You're probably in a stage where you're protecting yourself from any hurt or rejection by removing the possibility of a relationship. When you start to consider a relationship again (not with this guy but just as a possibility in general) of course it's scary. You're opening yourself up to all the risk again, of course you also have the possibility of meeting someone nice and being in a good relationship.

You've just come out of a long marriage which you say wasn't good for a few years. Your sense of who you are physically and mentally is bound to be all over the place.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time. And think of this kiss as exactly what it sounds like. Some moments of physical attraction between two people. It doesn't have to mean more than that.

Maybe one day you will feel like dating/relationship etc but that's your decision if or when you are ready.

In the meantime, focus on you and your kids. Think about what makes you happy and take care of yourself.

X

Thanks for the kind words. Just on the verge of tears every day recently.