To ask how you approach this situation?

10 replies

LittleAlbatross · 30/12/2018 09:24

We have 2 DCs. Eldest DS is 6.

SIL has 2 DCs, both boys, 7 and 9. We are currently visiting them.

SIL has a very different attitude to screens than us. We have one family tablet that DS is allowed to use for a limited amount of time each day if he has been good and completed all his reading books etc. We are careful about what games he plays etc. No TV in his bedroom and we don't have any games consoles, though we might look at getting a Wii or similar soon.

Both SIL's boys have had TVs in their bedroom since aged 3. They have two different games consoles and each has their own tablet. There are very few limits on screen time and they let them play games such as Fortnite.

Until now it hasn't been an issue as DS mostly oblivious. But now he's noticed the difference and is asking why he doesn't have X or is allowed to play Y etc.

How do you approach those questions with your DC? Especially when awkwardly asked in front of the relative? I'm trying to change the subject each time but it's not easy.

OP posts:

Pinkyyy · 30/12/2018 09:29

Tell him the truth, the games are not suitable for his age

Original poster

LittleAlbatross · 30/12/2018 09:44

I can certainly explain that about the games.

But the awkwardness comes from when he asks in front of the in laws why he can't have a TV in his room or why he isn't allowed to take the iPad to bed with him. I can't really tell him it's not appropriate because then it seems like I'm judging SIL.

OP posts:

Pinkyyy · 30/12/2018 09:48

Just tell him you'll discuss it when you get home, where you can explain it to him fully and maybe give him a bit more time as he's now getting older

InflagranteDelicto · 30/12/2018 09:50

Different parents do stuff differently you've got the meanest mum in the world and will just have to suffer

Met similar situations many times with my DC, they rapidly accepted that every parent is different, and it's a running joke that they're dreadfully hard done by. Keep it light and move on, it doesn't need a massive debate, just a statement of fact.

Molakai · 30/12/2018 09:50

You say different families have different rules.

Gatehouse77 · 30/12/2018 09:53

On these occasions it's best to personalise the reasons. Say enough to stop the conversation or explain that you will go into further detail later but for now, accept the answer.

"As your parents we have made different choices/rules that we feel suit our family." If you can, cite other examples of where you know you differ from others - eating at the table, bedtimes, shoes on/off, jumping on furniture.

It can be tricky but it shouldn't be embarrassing unless you're not confident in your own choices.

boymum9 · 30/12/2018 09:58

It's v tough, the only thing I can suggest is like other people have said, explain that your family rules are different. We have a fairly relaxed attitude to screen time, although no tv/game consoles in rooms, but Xbox in a family room, we have 1 tablet between us all but as a rule if people are over they don't get used, if we're at someone's house or staying tablet doesn't get used. It's a shame she can't get them to hold off a bit of the screen time when you're staying over.

TheVonTrappFamilySwingers · 30/12/2018 10:09

Yes I usually say: well x does y in their house but we do z in ours. Everyone is different and that's how we do things in our house. End of. Both DCs not argued the point. But this stuff continues. Same when eldest DC asked why they couldn't watch I'm a celebrity; only child without a mobile in their class etc etc (primary aged kids here) and the same response works well.

With regard to age related stuff like fortnite I do say that it's 12+ and as a parent I am here to keep them safe and so don't allow access to that (or social media) because age restrictions do mean something and if house Y chooses to ignore age restrictions that's their parents choice and not ours.

EwItsAHooman · 30/12/2018 10:09

"Different parents have different rules, we're doing what we believe is best for you and SIL/Auntie is doing what she believes is best for her DC". If you have any examples of things he's allowed to do that other DC are then chuck them in but definitely don't pass comment on SILs parenting or say anything judgemental (including that the games aren't suitable for his age) unless you want him to repeat it back to his cousins or in front of SIL.

3boysandabump · 30/12/2018 10:13

Just explain your house your rules and let him know why you have them.
He's going to vine across things like this a lot more as starts getting older and going to friends houses more.

Flip