Help: 8 months pregnant husband lied to me

[fizzywiz]

My husband lied to me about where he’d been yesterday. He told me he’d gone to take a book to a friend and that that friend wasn’t in and he’d drop it through the letter box. He was gone most of the afternoon
The next day I found the book in the glove compartment. When I confronted him he said it was a duplicate copy (I know for a face it wasn’t)
I knew this was a lie. Later when we went to bed I asked him where he’d been and he said he’d been to take the book but his friend had let him down and he wasn’t home so he came back home because he was embarrassed to be let down.

1. He said originally he wasn’t expecting his friend to be in in the first place
2. I gave him to opportunity to be honest and he continued to lie
3. He didn’t leave the book in the letterbox. He said he wanted to see him face to face but again this contradicts what he’d said the day before.

I’m 8 months pregnant (due 3.5 weeks) and am really very upset by this. I can’t stop crying. It seems trivial but I didn’t think he was capable of lying to me like this. He has treated me like an idiot in the process lying about his friend being in/not in and about the number of books. He says I’m being silly and unreasonable when I question where he’s been. What would you do in this situation?

But he DID ditch the book - in the glove compartment.

You really think this guy has been sitting alone somewhere, reading a book on hypnobirthing, whilst lying through his teeth to his wife about his whereabouts? Surely the whole point of hypnobirthing is that the person giving birth is relaxed?!

Does he often tell lies?

I hadn’t seen that it was a hypnobirthing book, but would that not be for both partners to read if he is her birth partner?

I am not excusing his lying, it is a selfish thing to do but perhaps he thought the truth would be perceived as selfish.

The OP needs to get to the bottom of this, but unless he has form for cheating, I wouldn’t just auto assume this. I would give one more chance to come clean, including some reassurance that this can be a scary time for them both and that it is perfectly normal to feel, if he continues to peddle the book story then perhaps say that it is an obvious lie and that your mind is fearing the worst.

The only good news is that he sounds new to the “game.”

Sadly it’s a fact that men often cheat when their wife/partner is pregnant, and this is most likely the case here too.

There not much you can do at the moment. Just concentrate on your pregnancy and baby when it’s born.

All you can do is find ways to check up on him and if you find evidence leave, or ask him to.

He doesn't sound very "experienced" for want of a better word at lying.

That would give me hope, but I would also hope that he would just come clean if you said "look this is really stressing me out and I'm imagining the worst, I'd feel much calmer if you just told me the truth".

If he doesn't, then I'd be very upset too

Because he might not want to stress out the OP? I have a friend who was anxious about the arrival of their baby. It took him a while to actually come out with this because he thought that his partner knew what to do regarding every aspect of parenting and he didn't, so was worried about stressing her and admitting to this.

I'm really struggling to apply the OP's husband lying TWICE about having returned a book to a a friend, to anything like what you are describing here.

His insistence upon changing his ridiculous story repeatedly, and clearly lying to you, is understandably concerning. And the last thing he should be doing is obviously lying and stressing you out when you're 8 months pregnant.

I'm sorry, OP. He well could have met up with someone else, many men do when their partners are pregnant sadly, or he could have just wanted some time to himself and feel embarrassed about it. If that was the case, though, I would think most men would say so rather than carry on with an obvious, ridiculous lie because surely they know what it looks like to their partners when they do ... which means me think the truth isn't great.

Good luck. If it was me, I think I would quietly suggest he pack a bag and go stay with his family/a friend until he can be honest with you because he is stressing me out with his lies and it couldn't be good for the baby. Is that what he really wants? Ask him.

I don't know how it works on iphones but I have an android phone and it can tell you exactly where I have been and the times I was there on Google Maps on my phone.

It is in the drop down menu on the side of the map, I checked it for last years Christmas Day timings as neither myself or my sister could remember what time we got to her house last year and I could look at the map and tell her precisely. As in, it holds the information for a long time.

If you can look at his phone, I would. You have reasons to be suspicious. He isn't being honest with you about where he was.

I know you don't need all this stress, but wonder if you can track past locations on his phone to either put your mind at rest or know where he was - sorry you're going through this at such a hugely important time in your life

Check his phone, you need peace of mind not this stress. The not knowing is worse than the knowing.

Just another perspective. I used to lie totally unnecessarily about small stuff like this. I’d be at a café for a few hours reading a book, but I’d make up some ridiculous and often convoluted lie about what I had been doing. The reason (I didn’t connect at first) was simple. I was badly abused during my first marriage and I wasn’t allowed to ‘waste time’. My every movement was monitored and everything of mine (my money, my likes, my dislikes, my time, my body) was controlled by my husband. After him, and even now 20 years on, I have an automatic reaction to lie about even the stupidest of small things. I’m not suggesting this is it, but it’s also something that people do without any malice or thought.

Sit him down on the sofa and tell him to unlock his phone and hand it over. Don't let him go anywhere with the phone. Check everything.

I think we can all speculate here but the only way to really find out is to do some snooping... how you feel about that and whether you want to go that far is up to you

But I can second the people who have suggested 'time to himself' as (perhaps!!) a scenario. I am a thinker and will once or twice a month make up a little errand to get out of the house and sit by myself somewhere to people watch. I dearly love my DH but he doesn't understand this and the times I've told him my intention he overthinks it and gets upset and worried that something is wrong so I've found it easier to say I need to take something back to the shops or go to the library etc.

Again, I'm not saying this is what happened, just another scenario. But also, if I was caught out, I would tell the truth and not elaborate further and dig myself a bigger whole!

trooth suggestion is what I was going to suggest.

I would too trooth

His phone will have had anything (if there was anything) incriminating deleted by now. What he may not have deleted is the location history. I don;t know how to check this but there was a (cheating husband) post on here a while ago and somebody explained how to do it.

I hope this all turns out to be innocent OP but his behaviour and subsequent lies would alarm me.

Where do you think he was? I'm sorry I don't see any innocent explanations here.

The thing that makes me really angry about liars is that they think that you are stupid enough to believe them.

Unless he was doing something nice for you, as a surprise?

Do you really believe that, @Chapterandverse?