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Original poster

To be really annoyed DH decided to give up smoking on Boxing Day

55 replies

churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 07:41

Don't get me wrong, I really want him to give up. He's been smoking for the past year after not smoking for 10 years.

But giving up on Boxing Day was a really selfish and dickish move.

He's been vile. I was so looking forward to a relaxing few days off work to lounge about but it's been impossible.

He's snappy, restless and just generally vile. It would be fine if he just took himself off but I feel he wants us all to suffer with him.

And if I object to his horrid behaviour then I'm being unsupportive and it will be my fault if he starts again.

He's currently not speaking to me for reasons I have no idea about, but he was up at 6am clattering about so we all knew he was up but refusing to speak.

I'm so uptight, and now just really angry that my hard earned Christmas break is being ruined.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 30/12/2018 08:24

YANBU. I have up smoking too but didn't behave like DH, of he wants you all to suffer with him he should have waited a bit longer. However I can understand him wanting to get the first week done before going back to work was that perhaps his reasoning?

Huggybear16 · 30/12/2018 08:27

He is looking to absolve himself of blame if he doesn't manage to quit

I agree. He's saying you're not supporting him so he can blame you when he lights up again. Offering to get NRT for him, going on bike rides/other distractions IS supporting him. You can't give up smoking for him - whatever happens with this quit attempt is on him.

Colourfullanguage · 30/12/2018 08:29

You are absolutely not being unreasonable! Posters who say you are being unsupportive are idiots Hmm
He could have chosen any time to do this, your holiday and Christmas period is NOT the time, especially if he is going to be an absolute arsehole and refuse to use anything to help. I would be furious too, especially if he doesn’t succeed.

Being supportive does not mean letting someone treat you like shit. The OP has made suggestions to him on how to ease the transition and he has rejected it all. He will know he is making their lives a misery and yet insists on refusing help or at least removing himself to a room to be alone. Not on at all. He should have discussed when would be a good time with you, made a plan and sought advice and then done it.

Do you have family op? I’d be vacating the house and visiting as many family members as I could. Especially as all offers of help seem to have been rejected.

Phlippant · 30/12/2018 08:42

YANBU. You are being supportive, the posters who have said otherwise are wrong and your DH is being a martyr. Pathetic and immature. If he hadn't already quit once, it might be slightly more forgivable but he knows its hard and he CHOSE when to give up (and to start again when he did!!). I'd be utterly pissed off too OP. I actually think you need to tell him to stop being a bloody martyr, he chose to start, he chose to stop, you've tried to support him, had it thrown back in your face and so balls to him or other such dismissive quote!

metronome1 · 30/12/2018 08:48

Stopping smoking does not give you a free pass to be horrible to people and snappy.
Yes it is hard but that is not your fault op. Your dh chose to smoke so should deal with the consequences and grow up. He's being pathetic.
I smoked through my teens and most of my twenties but quit cold turkey when ttc. That was that. I wasn't a twat to dh. I asked dh to quit on holiday a few months later. Again that was it. He was fine. Yes it makes you irritable but you just have a word with yourself and push on.

metronome1 · 30/12/2018 08:53

Anyway I would be telling your dh im going to stay with family to enjoy my time off.

Wer2Next · 30/12/2018 08:56

He will say because you were 'unsupportive' he started again.

Bastard.

People need to take responsibility of their behaviou. He was the one who chose to smoke so why should you suffer when he quits?

LittleMissPonsible · 30/12/2018 09:09

My DH does this. In his case though, he doesn’t tell me (never smokes around me so I don’t see any difference there). After a few days of him being a grumpy arse, I suddenly twig and realise he’s probably quit. He then becomes offended that I’ve realised why he’s grumpy, and it isn’t life/me. I’ve told him now he has to tell me when he “quits”.

It’s so frustrating. Of course I want to be supportive, but it’s so horrible when he’s so grumpy that there have been attempts when I’ve basically told him not to bother as now is not the time for him to be so bloody grumpy.

Shoxfordian · 30/12/2018 09:09

He's being unfair because he's ruining your christmas break by his attitude
He should be putting a proper plan in place, using nicotine gum or something and watching his temper

Go out without him

ReanimatedSGB · 30/12/2018 09:16

This is also about him being determined not to give up smoking. It's deliberate - he has decided to make his giving-up gesture so awful for the rest of you that you will tell him to start smoking again, and will stop nagging him to stop.

DeepanKrispanEven · 30/12/2018 09:16

Ask him if he's planning to carry on with the behaviour when he goes back to work if the answer is no, point out that he can obviously control it and he therefore needs to start practising now.

Singlenotsingle · 30/12/2018 09:16

Buy him a vaping kit? My ds2 did this and it was so successful it's now become something of a hobby. There's hundreds of different flavours and he and the mateys all talk about it and swop. The smells are quite nice too.

Allthewaves · 30/12/2018 09:35

I feel your pain. Dh is talking about giving up again (he gave up for years each time) but it's a vile process for everyone around him due to the moods. He also thought about giving up on boxing day and I said no as can't cope with him not smoking and three kids so he's waiting until January.

Original poster
churchmouse84 · 30/12/2018 10:09

He won't consider vaping either.

I've told him this morning that I've had it with his tantrums. He either needs to hide himself away, go out or control himself.

I also asked him how he would respond if one of the kids thought it was acceptable to behave this way.

We are now all in the car.

OP posts:
AmbitiousHalibut · 30/12/2018 10:13

I feel your pain, my DH used to do the same. Every Christmas, like clockwork, he'd decide to quit just before we began the rounds of visiting family etc. Thank goodness he hasn't suggested it this year. He smokes maybe 3 a day and I have to say, while I'd much rather he didn't smoke at all, I'd prefer him upbeat and positive than the grump to end all grumps throughout our festive period.

You have my sympathy, OP. Could you unilaterally decide to take up running or something which gets you out of the house?

BlimeyCalmDown · 30/12/2018 10:56

I really feel for you OP. It is great that he has stopped and re motivation it's important to strike whilst the iron is hot.

I'd be tempted to turn it into a joke each time he snaps and give him a big knowing smile with raised eyebrows/oops getting tetchy again are we. It won't make him feel better and it may add fuel to the fire but it would help me not take it personally and at the end of the day he is responsible for his behaviour, withdrawal symptoms or not...

userschmoozer · 30/12/2018 10:58

churchmouse84 Give him the Alan Carr book (Easiway to quit) and an ultimatum. He cant do it by willpower alone, and he has no right to involve everyone else.

Thewifipasswordis · 30/12/2018 11:01

You wouldnt quit any other addiction cold turkey. You would taper off and then use substitutes if you still needed them.

Cold turkey even when smoking is a bloody stupid idea.

See if you can find the thread about ex smokers who've quit and then suddenly got very sick within 6 months. There's a reason doctors don't advise cold turkey for anything.

BlueJava · 30/12/2018 11:02

YANBU but do support him in his attempts. I have never smoked but have recently seen 2 friends who were both 20 a day people stop without issue by attending a course here: www.allencarr.com/centres/london-head-office/ Promise I am not in any way connected but the way they have stopped (since Jan 2018) has gobsmacked me. They tell me the book and Cd isn't so good, but the actual course just did it for them.

ChristmasFan2018 · 30/12/2018 13:29

Well done OP

Original poster
churchmouse84 · 31/12/2018 11:37

He's been a bit better and apologised last night for being so horrid.

He's 6 days in now so I'm hoping we're through the worst.

He smells a lot better for a start!

OP posts:
Babygrey7 · 31/12/2018 20:56

This thread is on the Daily Mail now

Wankers

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 31/12/2018 20:59

My exh announced he was quitting - the first day of the dc school holidays one year.
Ruined our actual holiday and was the road to the demise of our marriage tbh.

ChristmasFan2018 · 01/01/2019 07:58

Progress Smile

Maryjoyce · 01/01/2019 08:06

Why does anyone need support to give up? If you want give up you give up,you don't need to make a drama out of slowly killing your self or not

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