To feel upset...change in family dynamic

[diggitybop]

Over the last few years I have begun to feel down about the changing dynamic of my family. I'm 40 so now have my own husband and child but I mean my parents and siblings. My parents are ageing, my relationships with my siblings have all but disintegrated - I see them on polite terms once a year. Is this just what happens? Should I just over it? I can't help feel sad about it although I realise I am to blame for some of it.

It’s not inevitable at all, no. Why have your relationships with your siblings changed? Do you want to see them more?

I’m very close to my siblings and we’re spread across the world so we have a family WhatsApp group for parents, siblings, spouses and keep in touch all the time on big and small things going on. As many as possible get together for birthdays and Christmas, juggling children, pets and other commitments/responsibilities.

I am 1 of 5 kids and although our mum aging is obviously inevitable, we still all talk/see each other/message at least weekly. We have always gotten pleasure from eachothers company as we all get on really well.

What do you think has lead to you and your siblings growing apart?

OP, I always thought I was part of a tight family unit. My DSis had some "oddities" (she always had this "thing" that our parents preferred me. Based on NOTHING). Suddenly - big falling out. NC for 5 years. Didn't see it coming, very shocking to live through. Seem to be over it now (finger's crossed)

In the meantime, my DDad dies, and DM has a new bf who I can't stand (threads on here about him... MN generally agrees he is hideous).

Now DMum and I not close either because she thinks I've let her down over being unsupportive. No, mum, I can't be pleased for you because he's a filthy creep.

Breaks my heart.

It happens but it’s not inevitable. I’m in a similar position to you OP in that I have sibling who I only see once maybe twice a year at Christmas. I’m lucky if they so much as look at me and manage to say hello and they barely acknowledge my children. We’ve never been close but our relationship has broken down over time and even though they are very successful they are resentful of me and feel like I was the favoured child. We tried to reconcile a few years ago but too much damage has been done and it just feels very awkward. I feel very upset about it and hurt by some of the things that have been said. I don’t think it is the norm however as most of my friends are of a similar age and I think most of them are very close to their siblings. I wish I had that relationship with mine but I’ve accepted it will never happen now.

I see my brother maybe twice a year. We used to be really close but i'm not fussed about his wife, nor is he about my husband, so we have kind of drifted apart over the last 5 years. Inevitable, i would say. Don't know what will happen to us when our parents pass away!

I'd love to see more of my bro, but we are two extremely different people with extremely different life experienced and views and habits and so on. He's much more like my Tory parents.

My issue with the change of dynamics is that I no longer have grandparents and my parents aren't getting any younger and that I have to accept this and be somehow more adulty. It's a level of change I've always feared.