Interfering mother in law!!

[Dragonfly8c]

Hey,
Trying to work out if I'm going insane or not lol!!!

So the back story.... I got with my partner 6 years ago after his marriage failed and so did mine, we both had 2 kids each to our ex's.
We found out we were expecting pretty early on and progressed to have another, so 6 in total.

My OH is the Apple of his mummys eye!! Her baby boy, the problem starts that she is still with his ex wife everyday.
I DO NOT have any problem with this and never have had, they can do as they please.
The OH mum did everything possible to cause trouble between me and his ex but I never rose to it. I respected her as the mother of his children and never bad mouthed her despite what was said about me...
Things have progressed and me and his ex now talk and she is welcome in our home anytime.
I feel his mum hates this as she is still always trying to cause trouble, she is with the ex 24/7 and doesnt come to see our kids unless the ex is with her.

Her new tactic that I am losing my mind over is....... as soon as his mother walks in she turns to our kids, aged 5 and 2 and says repeatedly.... ' go and give AUNTIE a cuddle'
Sorry but eeeehhhh????
Should my kids be calling their dads ex an auntie cause his mother says so, with no discussion with us 1st, we aren't close friends, just talk for the kids sake.

His mum is desperate to have him and her back together in her perfect little world!!!

What should I do??? Am i over reacting?? Or do I lose my cool and blow it all up??

Tia

Just keep reminding yourself that either of them will be that involved in contact within a few years.

Although once they don't need babysitting and want to become independent, it might cause ruptions in other ways.

As said, just keep calm and assertive.

don't have the MIL round when the ex is round.

I think it's quite normal to call adult friends auntie/uncle, but its not really your MIL's job to manage your DC.

I think there’s real possibilities for you to get the ex on side. If you truly have no problems with her, and her role in your family’s life, that is?

Tell her that you respect & like her, and that you’d like to give her the heads up that you’ll be putting some firm boundaries in place for 2019 in regards to MIL. Explain that part of why you’re doing this involves protecting the relationship & arrangements you have in place with her (the ex). You suspect that MIL has an agenda that leans towards drama and making problems, you’d like to prevent and mitigate the damage this could cause. Then outline very clearly the boundaries you will be making and holding too.

Example ‘So Diedre, when I hear MIL forcing or encouraging the kids to call you auntie, I will pull her up and tell her it’s inappropriate. Every time. You can expect she’ll report this back to you, so please understand I’m doing this for all our sakes. I prefer you be ‘Diedre’ or another name that you choose to my kids. It keeps things clear and lets the relationship develop at its own pace without expectations.’

Keep in regular touch with the ex, it’ll provide a handy insurance policy for when MIL tries to start trouble.

Skittlesandbeer
Id love that plan but I can't get the ex alone to talk to her, and when I say they are together 24/7 I'm not joking. From 6am every morning till 11pm or later.
Only time they are apart is when ex is at work.
I'm still not sure if I could trust ex enough to talk about the MIL yet. They are super close.

Would it be wrong to go through SIL who is also good friends with the ex???
SIL was the one who told me originally that ex was uncomfortable in the situation where she was called auntie for 1st time in front of all my family

Should my kids be calling their dads ex an auntie cause his mother says so, with no discussion with us 1st, we aren't close friends, just talk for the kids sake.

Out of curiosity, what do you think your kids should call the mother of their half siblings?

Cultural or polite, I woudlnt have an issue with it. Unless of course you want your joint kids and his kids to have some sort of relationship issues.

Are you the OW?