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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What would you think of this age gap?

43 replies

DirtyDishes · 29/12/2018 21:35

The people in question are not me but someone close to me.

A 22 year old female with an 18 year old male.

She has finished uni and has a full time job, he turned 18 earlier this month and is doing his A levels.

I think it's odd - am I being judgemental?

OP posts:

CrispbuttyNo1 · 29/12/2018 21:59

I was dating a 17yo when I was 21. Only lasted a few months but the age gap was no issue. Funnily enough we are still friends almost 30 years later.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 29/12/2018 22:00

And I was 44 when I started seeing 31yr old DP five years ago

SummerGems · 29/12/2018 22:01

What age gap? Wouldn’t even enter my head to think about an age gap, and no-one would bat an eyelid if the sexes were reversed. even if they were getting married or moving in together it wouldn’t occur to me to raise an eyebrow over it, people are far too quick to dismiss any relationship under 25 as the people being too young yet the older generation got married much younger, were responsible much younger and on the whole stayed together much longer whereas now people are settling down and having children much later and the divorce/separation rate is through the roof.

missmouse101 · 29/12/2018 22:02

Completely normal.

CloserIAm2Fine · 29/12/2018 22:05

4 years is nothing, they’re both adults

If he goes off to uni I don’t really see it lasting because they’re at different life stages. But it wouldn’t worry me. They’re both adults in a consensual relationship, hurting no one.

HildaZelda · 29/12/2018 22:31

4 years is NOT an 'age gap'. When I was 19, I was going out with a guy who was 31. Age gap was never a problem.

BackforGood · 29/12/2018 22:38

Have to agree with everyone else and I have dc of this age / stage. I can't see why this is even worthy of a raised eyebrow, or a thread being started. Total non-issue

FuckNuggets · 29/12/2018 22:45

It's only 4 years! It's not like anyone is underage. I was 16 and in sixth form when I met my then 20 year old DH who was working full time and had his own flat. Still together 25 years later.

User600400 · 30/12/2018 10:09

Not a big age gap per say but the different life stages they are at would be a concern.

Limensoda · 30/12/2018 10:11

I doubt it will last long so don't worry about it but no, it's not odd.

Trills · 30/12/2018 10:15

Why would anyone WANT to date someone who was doing their A-levels, if they had the option to date people with jobs, who might not live with their parents?

Bluelady · 30/12/2018 10:16

Lucky him, he's learning some life skills that will definitely give him an edge over his peers.

OohLookAtThat · 30/12/2018 10:25

My DH is 4 years younger, we met in our 20s. The age gap has no relevance in our relationship, it doesn’t even occur to me.

TheBigBangRocks · 30/12/2018 10:29

Not the age gap as such but more the life stages. I'd have not wanted to date somebody still at 6th form when I was an adult with a job.

CripsSandwiches · 30/12/2018 10:30

It really depends on the individuals involved. If it was a young 18 year old and a grown up 22 year old then yes there might be a big gap in experience and maturity. It could easily be a well matched couple. Unless I had specific reasons to be concerned I'd wind my neck in and leave them to it.

Echobelly · 30/12/2018 10:32

I wouldn't be concerned about that age gap at all - total non-issue. Yes, they are at different stages of life but it's up to them whether they make that work on not, it's no one else's business. We are getting a bit ridiculous in how long we hold onto young people being children sometimes, IMO.

Limensoda · 30/12/2018 13:37

Why would anyone WANT to date someone who was doing their A-levels, if they had the option to date people with jobs, who might not live with their parents?

Hmmm, ...perhaps someone who likes the person and not their current position in life? Just a wild guess...

BackforGood · 30/12/2018 20:20

I was just about to say the same as Limensoda

Why do any of us "click" with one person from all the thousands we meet ?

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