Why am I so phobic about throwing parties?

[Bumbalaya]

I have always loved the idea of parties and I like small gatherings. I don't mind inviting a couple round for a cup of tea but when it's a party I fall to pieces. I get very obsessed with the food, the cleanliness of the house and I 100% hate the lead up, the actual party and afterwards I just beat myself up about how it went.
I pretend to be relaxed and I think I'm a good host in that Im generous and attentive to guests.
I just can't enjoy it even though I like all my friends/ the people invited.
My mind goes completely blank and I worry about it being quiet/ awkward, I feel really alone and disconnected from people at parties.
anyone else have any experience of this?
Thanks.

You don't have to host. If you hate it why do it?
I host a lot of parties, small gatherings up to big rowdy parties, I always get anxious before about the house and who will/won't turn up. But basically I like hosting. I would not expect everyone I invite to reciprocate because I know it's something that some people find stressful

Yes me! I’m normally very sociable, love chatting with people, and I make a good guest but I’m rubbish at socialising at my own parties and find I can’t engage properly with people who are my dearest friends. My mind is always elsewhere.

Funnily enough we had a party last night and I couldn’t relax until midnight when I knew it had all gone well, everyone had turned up, food had all been served and there was a great buzzy feeling.

I just drifted around filling people’s glasses - at 1130 my partner pointed out I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything. I then ate a plateful of food and got rather drunk.

I totally understand. We threw a party last night. DH invited loads of people last week. I was left to clean and clean and shop and clean beforehand. I'm not a natural home maker. Our house is 'lived in'. I feel awkward inviting people round.

Yesterday I had the fear big time that I hadn't bought enough food and the wrong food. Everyone got too pissed to care. DH fucked up the food, burnt the sausage rolls. Everyone had a great time.

My head is still sore.

The idea of throwing a party is different from the reality. Being a guest can be more fun, but only if it's a good party. Hosting can be a lot of work and organisation. If it stresses you out either don't make yourself do it or throw loads of parties and it'll get easier maybe??

I have never thrown a party because I still have that 13 year old lurking inside who worries that no one would turn up. Hosting a party sounds very stressful to me.

Thanks, I avoid throwing them if I can but it's for my kid so I want our community and friends to be able to wish her a happy birthday, I don't want want my anxiety to close up her world.

I feel like I need some tips on how to relax that don't involve alcohol!

I hate it too - worry about if people will come, then worrying if there's enough food and if everyone is enjoying themselves. I always seem to massively overcater then I worry that people don't like the food because they haven't eaten it all!

There's no compulsion to host if you don't like it.

One of my friends threw a party recently. She got in such a flap the week before that she nearly cancelled. I offered to come over an hour earlier on party night to help. All I did was watch her mix cocktails and chat a bit but it removed that anxious waiting for the first guest to arrive.

You could also throw a party jointly with a friend to ease the pressure on you

I love hosting and take the view that little can go wrong that cant be fixed. I am also aware it's a lot of work and some people don't like hosting. So I'd agree with others, don't feel you need to do it and if it's a birthday party for your child you can do smaller events at an external venue for a few of her friends, or even a small sleep over thing. It doesn't need to be big.

I love hosting but my health these days means far less hosting.
The best party I ever held was for 20 people and featured a 1970’s style children’s birthday tea for adults with the addition of vodka jelly with the ice cream.

I think it’s understandable that people can get very stressed especially if your personality type means you want everything to be perfect.

Think this is an actual anxiety panic attack type thing, novrational lines of reasoning will abait it.
Oh well, I'll have to just plough on through. Just had the usual falling out with husband before people arrive thing. How can I break this pattern? Why aren't I braver? Wish I could afford therapy.

I decided ages ago that I'm a much better guest than I am a host. So I don't host any

Any celebrations are done outside the house at restaurants etc. Much, much less stress.