To stop access because of SIL

[Wildcat22]

Hi, I think I know the answer but AIBU to stop access for my daughter (15), husband of 26 years walked out after nephew committed suicide and moved in with his sister, I just heard that SIL was/is dating a paedophile who was charged back in August for having images on laptop?..I am disgusted with H as I see it, him staying with her means he approves??

My DC wouldn't even be near SIL either! You choose to be with someone and if she chooses someone like that then she's not trustworthy enough for my DC to be around her!!!

wildcat Jesus I don’t envy you your position, but ultimately your daughters safety is a paramount so first off you need to talk to her and explain your concerns. She’s 15 so she’ll know enough of the world to understand why you’re worried. Make sure you emphasis that it’s not because of her dad, and see if there’s a way you can facilitate their contact outside of the SIL’s home. Can you offer to be out for an afternoon and let your ex visit her at home once a week until things are sorted?

SIL’s doesn’t sound like a very stable environment either way though. How recent was her sons suicide? She must be extremely raw, that’s a very loaded situation to put a youngster especially if they weren’t even close beforehand.

It disgusts me with pedophile sympathisers. What is wrong with people it's not normal , I certainly wouldn't associate myself with a sex offender or someone that stood by them. Protect your dd at all costs, I'd certainly be on the phone to ex .

It sounds absolutely ghastly, but you do need to tread carefully (and you are right that it's important not to put too much responsibility on your DD). It may well be that your XH is willing to be reasonable and only see her away from your SIL, so you and DD can avoid having to concern yourselves with her troubles.

I can understand why your XH wants to look after his sister, though: she's clearly made a very poor choice of partner but she has also lost her child.

Reanimated SGB....I will tread carefully as this is snowballing by the minute....I get why XH feels the need to support SIL But at the expense of his wife and child thou?? He is not to blame for nephews death!

@Wildcat22 contact the police force who cover the area your exh is living in. Ask for the MOSOVO or SOMU unit (they manage sex offenders) then once you're through tell them your concerns. They will get to the bottom of it in a matter of hours - they take this kind of thing extremely seriously as it is their job to manage risk/prevent further offending. They will tell Social Services but they will also tell them you are supportive and cooperative. He should have told the unit he has a partner and if there are children visiting for over 12 hours or staying overnight, his registration requirements for the Sex Offenders register require it and if he hasnt done it then he is liable to arrest for breaching his regs. You can private message me if you want/need more info.

So if he only has contact away frim SIL and DD has nothing to do with her, you dont need to stop contact. What you do need to do is explain why you want contact ti remain as it is away from SIL

Sforsh49....Thanks that's very helpful, certainly getting my eyes open in the last couple of hours.

Sweeneytoddsrazor....Yes exactly, could be easier said than done thou....I will take legal advise asap but thank everyone for their advice