To not buy my son more toys for his birthday?

[Chocolateheaven123]

My son turns 2 in a couple of months. He's the 1st grandchildren for both sets of grandparents so naturally he was spoiled for Christmas. We also bought him quite a few things, which just kind of built up without realising. We've kept a few things back for his birthday. On reflection after Xmas, we've decided not to buy him more toys. He has lots, most of which he hasn't looked at yet. Not a major issue in itself as a some of it is stuff like Toot Toot, Happyland, M&D food cutting set, etc so he can still get plenty of use over the next few years.

For his birthday, we've kept back an Oball track set thing, a Happyland plane, a wooden toy clock and BigJigs Learn to Count thing. DP and I were chatting earlier and we really don't want more toys when he really doesn't need them so we're getting him:
New swimming stuff (needed)
A Clean Kanteen stainless steal drink bottle (toddler one) as we're also trying to reduce plastic
An annual pass to a farm/zoo
A new thin raincoat for the spring.

And MAYBE a DVD player or tablet for the occasional long car journey (still undecided on that). We've also gotten him a balance bike in the sale.

Just to reiterate, my mum went WAY overboard on presents for Christmas and will for his birthday, plus he has a couple of generous uncles, great grandparents, etc. Who will want to buy things for him. ILs are great and will get things like clothes, PJs, books, etc.

Anyway, chatting to my mum earlier about his birthday and she asked what we were getting him. Explained he's got so many toys and instead we are getting him more practical stuff and she went on and on about he's a toddler, we should be getting him toys, etc. She wouldn't listen when I explained he doesn't need more toys and we'd prefer he had stuff to DO (farm, stuff to go swimming) as he's a very active toddler. She's text me twice this afternoon 'joking' that I'm a mean mum and he's hard done by

But it's got me wondering if maybe we should be getting him toys etc? AIBU to get him more 'practical' stuff he needs, not 'fun' things?

You're his parent, if you feel he has plenty of toys then there's really no need to buy things for the sake of it. A yearly pass for days out is a great idea.

Until DD was 5 I asked for a Poundland gift and if they so desired money for savings. She now has more in savings aged 7 than me! I sill encourage cheaper presents and cash if desired x

Sounds like he has enough. Stick to your plan. Sounds like plenty even without the tablet.

Have the same issue with my in laws and family. My toddler will be 3 on the 2nd. We now have family buy the toys and bits, we buy the experiences.

List of stuff family can buy that's not just toys but will keep the peace.
Massive box of playdough (means once he destroys some you have a good supply)
Bath toys (you can never have enough and they double as pool toys)
Paints (same as playdough)
Pencils and pens (you can never have enough)
Clothes in the next size up
Preschool stuff (letters, number)
Puzzles and games (maybe not for right now but you will start using them sooner rather than later)
Balance bike
Garden toys
Trunki (great for family visits as you can put all the trip toys in it)

You're right. I don't know what's come over my parent's generation, they're obsessed with buying toys, toys and more toys. (I know not all do this). I can't talk any sense into my parents.

The 4 things you've kept back sound like more than enough without everything else!!

YANBU!!!!!
I’d also re-wrap the toys he hadn’t used. Most of the fun is in the opening of presents. Mind you at 2, they’re quite happy with one present as they look at it in wonder and then play with it.

I told DM that I'm not buying much for DSs 1st birthday in 3 months because he got so much crap stuff for Christmas - she thinks I'm crazy. He doesn't need anything (or want anything) so we will just go out for the day

But you are giving him toys- the things you kept back. That sounds like a big pile of stuff for a birthday to me. Not sure what the issue is really.

That sounds like masses for a birthday tbh. I don’t think you need to feel guilty not buying anything more for him.

I think sometimes parents like to lavish our children with gifts because they’re frequent in a financially more stable situation than they were when they were the parents of young children. My MiL was like this, bought our kids mountains of presents, but it was just too much for the kids and they never played with half of it. The fewer toys they have in front of them the longer they engage in play (IME).

That sounds like loads, I definitely wouldn't be buying more toys. In fact I'd be tempted not to give him the practical stuff for his birthday either, so as to avoid creating an expectation that birthdays involve huge piles of gifts. You can always make the pile of gifts larger in future.

My little boy turns 3 in February, he is getting 3 actual physical things from us, grims rainbow, a matching game and a postman outfit. He got a ridiculous amount of toys at Christmas. I have managed to fill a bin bags worth of his and my little girls new toys and no one has noticed. I am planning to hide them and rotate them in the coming weeks.

My 2 year old will get books for his birthday (february). 5 books to be exact. he is 2, he will be very happy. he has an older brother, do we have tons ofvtoys.

I have Jan, Feb and March birthdays. They get very little and in the past I have kept things back from Christmas.

I don't discuss it with anyone.

I think our culture has gone waaaay overboard with toys. Kids really don’t need many to stay entertained... and finding ways to entertain themselves with just a couple of things is actually a valuable skill that builds imagination.

Maybe send this article to your mum, and respectfully ask her to get off your case! YANBU.

www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/12/05/many-toys-bad-children-study-suggests/amp/

That's tons. DS will be 2 in March and he will be getting a Cosy Coupe that we decided not to give him at Christmas. That's it.

DS turns 1 in a couple of weeks and we've asked relatives not to buy him more toys, he got a lot of stuff at Christmas and we don't have alot of space.

I've suggested buying clothes instead and that's what we'll be doing.

Both of my children have birthdays near Christmas. We have always asked people to take them out for the day in the summer rather than buy presents. This gives them something to look forward to as having your birthday and Christmas in the same month sucks. Usually my brother will buy them a very small gift ( eg key ring) which is a clue to the big day out they will get. This year my kids are 11 and 13 so it will be a theme park, but when they were younger it would be swimming, the beach or a fun museum.

Crikey OP - what you have listed sounds like a crazy amount for a 2 year old in itself - I would think one thing would suffice or do children get heaps of birthday presents now too instead of one thing they want from each person?

We've tended to do garden toys for birthdays with Spring birthdays - or bikes if they've outgrown their current one. Just the balance we've found that works better with our kids and how the weather's turning out (bikes for Christmas were always a bit shit when I was a child as the weather was so crap you couldn't use them properly).

Op you are already giving him a lot for a two year old. He will be happy with one toy if my kids are typical..they found it overwhelming at that age being given more than one thing.

Sounds fine to me! If you changed your mind then maybe think about getting a couple of outside toys (if you have a garden) for the summer. My lot all LOVED a good sandtray (big enough) and water play and those Little Tikes climbing slide cube things.

My daughter has three boy-children under 5.

She told me they have enough toys, and asked me to get them "books like the ones we had when I was little for them to read later" for their Christmas and birthday presents until she says "stop" or one of them asks for something particular from me.

So that is what I am doing, because it's what is wanted. The Borrowers, The Just So Stories, a lot of Beatrix Potter in batches of six, a Knights of King Arthur with plenty of pictures, Robin Hood, that sort of thing. She actively doesn't want me to get them new books, because when she was little ours were all second-hand or more and she loved thinking about other children who might have read them, so I keep an eye out in second-hand bookshops. She's using the Beatrix Potter for the read-alouds at the moment, and as they get older she can move on to the more grown-up ones. I have a shelf where the books going their way live, and there is quite a lot on it: Narnia and Jennings and The Magic Pudding and The Midnight Folk and so on.

They watch DVDs too, and have loads of toys between them, which live in a cupboard with a rule that they can only get out one each at a time just because there would be so much mess if they were all out all over the floor.

It works for her, and they seem happy with it. They seem to love having books with their names in them, even if they do live on a shelf for later when they can read.

I think what you’re giving him is an insane amount for a 2nd birthday!

Food for thought. To be fair, he was overwhelmed with Christmas and wouldn't actually open the presents. The annual pass is a definite, and the swimming stuff has been ordered (only a new costume as he's nearly outgrown his current one and a towel, both on sale).

I'm sure my mum has more toys at her house than we do at ours! She's always buying him tons of clothes as well, some he hasn't even had a chance to wear yet! I've told her numerous times that he's got enough but she loves spending money on him. I'm hoping it'll calm down next year as she has more grandchildren on the way, myself included!

The way she went on just made me worry I was being stingy , I guess.