NC for this as it could be outing. Apologies, this could be a long one!
For a number of years my brother has adopted me a donkey at a local animal rescue. He sent me a message recently saying that from the New Year, I won't be hearing from the animal sanctuary as he has to, in his words, "drastically reduce his outgoings."
That is fine, I completely understand that unfortunately these things have to go by the wayside as life can be expensive (in fact, to be honest, I'm surprised he continued it for as long as he has!). I have absolutely no problem with this whatsoever, and know that he is sad that he won't be able to continue to do this (he has also been adopting himself a sheep for the same amount of time - he is also sad to not be able to do this anymore).
My AIBU is more to do with the fact that his partner (whom I will call M from here on in) is the reason why he needs to reduce his outgoings.
They have been together for a number of years (over six, I believe, though I can't remember how long exactly) and have lived together for most of that time (M's wife threw him out - understandably - when she found out he was cheating on her with my DB. Awful behaviour from my DB and M, I know). My DB and M split up a while ago, after my brother decided M wasn't showing him enough commitment. During conversations with my brother around that time (a bit before they split up), my brother admitted that M wasn't paying anything towards the house, no bills, food or anything. At the time I said that he couldn't continue like that.
Fast forward a short time and they got back together - after my DB said he would not get back together with him without a sign of commitment, M proposed. My DB had many conversations with myself about the wedding and M was apparently getting him an engagement ring made to replace the cheap one he had given my DB.
Fast forward five years, there is still no sign of a wedding (and no fancy engagement ring!) and M hasn't even begun proceedings to divorce his wife. I don't believe that M has any intention of marrying my DB, but was just placating him by telling him what he wanted to hear. My DB admitted to my DM recently that M only pays the TV licence (which is about £150 a year) and "sometimes" gets food in.
My DB is in a good job with a reasonable salary and although he lives in an expensive area, his rent is cheaper than it would be as he rents the house from his ex (they split up a year or two before he met M and they are good friends still). There is no real reason why he should be struggling financially, except for the fact that M is living with him, not working (I think he's retired, though that is a recent thing and he could never really answer the question of what he did for work before that) and my brother is paying the vast majority of all household costs.
AIBU to worry that M is using my DB? I know it's pointless to say anything to him as he will defend M completely but I do worry that M is going to drain him of all his resources and then abandon ship if things get rough.
Even aside from the financial issue, M is not a very nice person. I thoroughly believe that a relationship should bring out the best in both people and my DB is a different person when he is with M. M is negative and attention seeking, not to mention always negative. I can give multiple examples of all these traits, if that helps to show the kind of person he is, but am aware this is going to be very long already! He is also a liar - for example, my DB and him were once driving past a big house somewhere in the county they live in and M said that the house belonged to a member of his family's - it turns out, not surprisingly, that it isn't at all. That is not the only thing he has lied about, but just an example of a completely pointless lie he has told my DB.
Full disclosure, I really dislike M so that could be clouding my judgement, hence wanting a second opinion, but I genuinely worry about my DB's future and that at some point, when he is unable to sustain the life that M wants to live, M will leave and my DB will have to pick up the pieces.