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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone else has no relatives and how they feel about it?

16 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 29/12/2018 15:25

I am an only child of an only child (dad) and a mother who only had one sibling who had no children and didn’t get married.
Consequently I have no cousins and after my parents aren’t around any more I will have absolutely no family. There are some of my parent’s cousins about but they are scattered far and wide and we’ve never had anything much to do with them.
I feel really sad about it and really alone. I also feel a real weight of being the only person to be around to look after my parents as they get older. I quite often lie awake and worry about it at night. I feel a lot of responsibility.

Does anyone else have a tiny family or no family?

OP posts:

Albatross26 · 29/12/2018 16:11

I'm similar to you, no siblings. Once my parents are gone my only family will be an aunt i haven't seen in about twenty years. It does feel weird sometimes but then I see the issues friends with big families have and think maybe it's easier having less relatives!

Lolimax · 29/12/2018 16:14

I’m the same. Only child of 2 only children, so no aunties, uncles or cousins. Both parents dead. DH has a huge family.
But I have my 2 amazing children.

RuthW · 29/12/2018 16:14

I am an only one with very elderly parents and one adult daughter. No close aunts etc. It's only now I'm starting to become concerned as my parents get in poorer health.

IslaMann · 29/12/2018 16:17

I only have my DH, 2 kids and my parents. No other family apart from cousins who I’ve not spoken to since I was a kid for various reasons. My exH had a huge family and it was them who I missed when we split.

spiderplantsalad · 29/12/2018 16:19

I've been on my own since i was a teenager, a combination of an abusive mother and no other relatives. It was pretty awful back then but I got used to it and I do have friends now.

stollysholly · 29/12/2018 16:23

I'm an only child and both parents were only children. Now only my aging mum alive. I watched my mum spend what should have been her happy retirement years running round after her elderly and unwell parents and in-laws. Now, I'm watching my mum's health gradually deteriorate and wonder if / when I'll be in the same position. I find it stressful being her only close family. I know if I had had siblings we might not have got on but I do envy people who get to share the elderly parent 'burden' with others.

katseyes7 · 29/12/2018 16:23

l have one cousin over 100 miles away who l'm in contact with. Lots of others but haven't seen them for years, besides funerals, etc. l'm an only child, no children, no partner at present. l lost my dad 22 years ago, and my mother 6 years ago.

Thankfully l have good friends. Not a lot, but the ones l have are good. To be honest, my friends are my family. Especially my best friend, her mum treats me like family too.
l feel it more at times like Christmas. But at least you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/12/2018 16:27

I also feel a real weight of being the only person to be around to look after my parents as they get older Pop over to the "elderly parents" board and you'll see plenty of reasons why being the only child is a blessing. No need to agree courses of action with siblings, no resentment when you do all the work and all the praise and money is lavished on golden child who does nothing.

SerenDippitty · 29/12/2018 16:32

My DH has no surviving blood relatives and we have no children (not through choice). I have one sibling who has one child. And some cousins.

mayflower43 · 29/12/2018 16:32

OP, I could have written your post myself. My parents have now passed away also and so I have no biological family. It does effect me greatly, mainly because I always feel alone (even in a crowd) and I also feel like a genetic freak knowing there is no-one on earth that shares my genes. Sometimes I look at the world and do not feel a part of it because everyone seems to be connected in some way.

The worst part, as you fear, was being the only one to be there to care for my parents. On an emotional sense but also on a financial sense with care home fees and so on. Then of course funerals. I think for me now (mid 50s) it is having no one who knew me as a child, no one to do the "do you remembers" with. And having no "home" to go back to.

I have created my own wonderful family through adoption and fostering. But being biologically alone is something that does effect me greatly, every day.

Original poster

Cheekysquirrel · 29/12/2018 16:32

I guess that’s true mere
I wish there was someone else around who would remember my parents / childhood too though.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 29/12/2018 16:59

I had 2 parents and a sister, all dead now. No aunts, uncles or cousins.

Luckily my dsis had four dc so I've got a niece and nephews. And I've got two ds, a ddil and 2 dgc. My dp has a big family too, so it's all worked out well.

currentcake · 29/12/2018 16:59

Oh OP that must be so difficult, I'm so sorry to hear that.
I often have a whinge and moan about family but we are there for each other at the end of the day.
Do you want to join my family OP? I don't think you'll stick around long lol

currentcake · 29/12/2018 17:00

This is also the reason I plan to have more than the two DC we have so ourselves don't rely on our one child when we're older but also they'll have each other and hopefully big families of their own

winterpins · 29/12/2018 18:55

Well I have mixed feelings about it OP.

There's only me, my mother, and my son. We have very distant cousins but because of family arguments so we don't stay in contact.

I think if you have a great family, sane and supportive, it must be nice. But my family life has always been a bit awful, and I was on my own for years as a result, quite happily tbh. My mum and my son are my family now, but both can be hard work and have caused me lots of stress. In my mother's family I see lots of arguments between siblings and cousins. Honestly, I'd rather be alone!

As for being the only person to look out for elderly mother, that doesn't bother me especially. As mere said, look at the arguments in families about that, golden child, etc etc. Plus it often seems to be left to one son or daughter to do most of the care or organising of care anyway.

Purplejay · 29/12/2018 20:01

My parents are gone now (my mum 4 yrs ago) and I am an only child. I had an aunt and uncle who I was close to but they died (1 and 2 years) before my mum and she had dementia which was very hard. I had no one to argue with about what was best though.

I do have other aunts, uncles and cousins but never see them. We are a weddings and funerals family. It’s just the way it is.

My stbxh and I were very insular and independent which makes our relatively recent separation harder. He is still the adult I speak to most and I see more of him than is good for me. It feels like it’s just me and DS (12) against the world and its lonely. I do have some lovely friends but I need to learn to reach out and make an effort to see them more.

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