to ask whether your ex has turned over a new leaf after leaving you?

[Jazzhan]

I found out about 3 weeks ago that my ex now has a new baby.
His family who hated me and sat beside him in court opposite me with a bruised distorted face are now all visiting this new girl.
I know that this is a fucked up thing to think, but I actually want him to beat the shit out of her so that I'm not to blame. His parents were very vocal in stating that I was the reason he had become violent. They just wanted me to leave him. Eventually I did. So were they right? Was I making him do this? Is he going to be normal with this new girl?
I don't love him. It's the family finding fault with me that's hurting. Because this new girl would not ever make him need to beat her up.

There’s no way of us knowing
But I truly hope he doesn’t beat her up

You need to put this in your past and move on. It’s a very unhealthy attitude you have developed

No, I don't believe for a second that someone who has beaten you up has turned over a new leaf.

I also don't believe that you made him violent.

Don't spend your life tying yourself up in knots hoping and waiting for him to trip up because then you'll feel validated.

He probably will beat her up too. Abusers rarely change. And no doubt he and his family will find a reason to blame her for it too.

The family are absolute twats. The only person who ever made him do that to you is him. He’s a scumbag.
Can he change? Well, yes, people do. But that’s a good thing. Wishing ill on another woman to try and justify how you feel doesn’t help anyone. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Nope. Mine hasn’t changed a bit. He still burns through friends every few months (after they realise the reason he’s homeless/has no money/has nobody long term in his life is because he’s a lying narc with addiction issues), still can’t hold a job, still lies with every sentence he speaks, still abuses and still cheats.

Totally agree with Amanduh

OP, he's in the past now - they all are.

Try not to give them any more head space.

Sometimes people do change, sometimes they don’t. People can and do fuck up and not do it again. Only time will tell really....

However sitting wishing for another women to be hurt isn’t really on is it and let’s face it that isn't healthy. You need to find a way to move forward, maybe talking therapy would benefit you?

I can actually understand your feeling like that, when someone is violent and abusive to you, then makes you believe that it was your doing, it really does rip away any bit of self esteem you may have had.

I went through someone awful and the perpetrator convinced me that no one believed me. It's taken me years to get back to normal.

But one day you will realise that all that matters is that you are safely away from this person and his dreadful family.

Even in the unlikely event that he does change doesn't mean that it was your fault. Him beating up his subsequent girlfriends won't help you.

The saying about leopards and spots exists for a reason.

I genuinely hope he doesn't beat the new GF but I don't rate her chances much, sorry.

And you weren't to blame. He was. You're still stuck in the abused mentality which is his fault. Did you see a counsellor or anyone after you got away from him?

I understand what you are saying, I understand that its something that gets to you for years that someone blamed you, a victim of his actions on you. It must have been you, but you need to let go of this. You really need to, and keep well out of it.

He will not have changed. concentrate on bettering yourself, and leaving them behind, they will see, eventually.

I totally get you but please don't wish that she would take a beating off him!

My abusive ex met a really stunning girl and I tried to warn her that he'd put me in intensive care and I'd had gone to court lots of times because of the shit he put me through.

He beat the living day lights our of her and threw her out the front door on to the street completely naked.

He's now with another person and they had a baby a few months ago. My teenage dc state he left her when baby was a few weeks old because "she sat on her fat arse and breast fed the baby all day and didn't cook his dinner".

Has not changed and I'm glad his stupid ignorant family have finally realized that I don't make him be abusive to me!