Do you think 'on a break' can work?

[dodged]

In terms of in a relationship and having a toddler together... can a 'break' work?
We are unsure if our relationship is going to last but we don't want to call everything off incase we regret it.

Do you think a break could work? Under what terms?

No I don't. I think "on a break" signals a soft ending and that's all.

Usually, one person wants to leave and is finding it hard...so suggests a break as a softer way to end things.

Once "the break" is underway, it's easier for them to move on. They can move out...be absent.

In reality what the hell does on a break mean

I just think it means that one or both parties wants to shag someone else but keep their options open for going back if the grass isn't greener

This makes no sense to me. You can either be in a relationship or you can end it. A break is just staying in the relationship really, isn't it.

Nope. Exactly as a pp said, it’s a ‘soft ending’.

Nah. The relief of not arguing and being able to do your own thing feels so good that going back to not being on a break seems crazy.

Depends what the long term goals are, of both parties. If both want it to work, then yes I think it can

No. To me it's a split, to get the benefits of being single but having a way back if it's not as fun as imagined.

In relationships, especially ones that involve kids, people should be 100% sure.

I am sure most people in ltr occasionally miss being single. But that's the choice they made. Splitting up is perfectly fine. Flipping back and forth is not.

No I don't. One person might realise the grass isn't greener, once they've shagged around for a bit, but I think it short changes the other person.
If you love someone you don't need a break, in that sense.
I think maybe you and your partner like each other and care about each other but are not in love.

Ask Ross and Rachel

@TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge I was waiting for a Friends reference! 😂

Not if someone wants to shag someone else no.

I think very temporarily living apart and dating again can work if youre bickering but only if both remain faithful. But with a young child even that doesn’t really work unless the parent who moves out also takes the child a decent amount of the time.

Yes. A long time ago DH and I separated for a few months, then got back together as we missed being together. We’ve been very solid ever since. It did us the world of good.

Having said that, I wouldn’t have done it if we’d had kids at the time. I see doing that as a bit of a luxury you have in a relationship which doesn’t affect anyone else.

We had a break about 6 years ago. So about 6 years into the relationship. We didn't have children at that point though.

It worked wonders for us and although it was really miserable at the time we look back on it now as a positive thing that our relationship really benefited from.

It was a full split up/break - we both moved out and gave up the rental property and we both slept with other people (we both agreed on the 'terms' that other people was ok though so while not nice this wasn't a betrayal for either of us). However the context was having been together since teens and both wondered if we had settled down too soon and missed out on stuff our friends were doing. We soon realised we weren't missing out on anything except each other. It wasn't easy though, 3 months apart and several months rebuilding the relationship. And obviously we didn't need to consider the impact on children - the whole thing was confusing and difficult enough for us and would be worse for a child.

I just think of those Jeremy Kyle arguments

"You cheated on me"
"No I didn't, we were on a break"

Nope. Once you've split up just stay apart. Relationships that are good don't need breaks.

A Little Time

The Beautiful South

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise fear the worst
Tongue so sharp the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

Thanks, @AnyFucker. I now have an A Beautiful South earworm AND a mild hangover.

Aw I don't think you can blame anyfucker for the hangover can you 😂

I don't think breaks are a good idea. It is a soft way out or one party wants to shag someone else whilst the other is left dangling.

They then get pissy if the other has done anything if the decide the grass is not greener.

Wise words from Dave Rotheray and Paul Heaton

The hangover is purely your own fault

I drove through three countries plus a car ferry yesterday with a carload of Lego and a small child singing ‘We Three Kings of Orient Are’, fuelled entirely on selection boxes and caffeine. I really needed a drink.