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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding friends dh

23 replies

Vegemitemum · 28/12/2018 21:31

Bf and i have known each other for years and have a sisterly but volatile friendship. Always been this way, it's just how we are. We spend part of most days together due to a shared hobby. So, after a couple of days of bickering about stupid stuff her dh has just pulled us both aside and absolutely torn shreds off us. Wtf? I feel about 3 years old and have no idea how to respond to him. What do I do tomorrow when I see him? Do i apologize for upsetting him or whatever, or just ignore the fact that that happened , or what? We are 32 years old ffs. Bf is upset, I'm stunned, i need a plan of action to fix this...

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 28/12/2018 21:34

i need a plan of action to fix this...

Stop the stupid bickering and annoying the hell out of everyone around you seems like the plan. And yes, most definitely apologise.

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 21:35

Is he an only child or not close/have a huge age gap between his siblings?

Probably explains it.

StoorieHoose · 28/12/2018 21:36

Try acting your age rather than teenage sisters?

Notacluethisxmas · 28/12/2018 21:36

It's obvious.

He is sick of the sister but volatile relationship you have and fed up of listening to it.

Bet he isn't the only either.

SoyDora · 28/12/2018 21:38

He was probably just sick of listening to you. Don’t blame him to be honest. It must be pretty dull and irritating for the people around you.

Pagwatch · 28/12/2018 21:39

Yeah. You’re embarrassed because he’s right. You’re stuck being annoying children. Stop bickering - it’s fucking annoying

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2018 21:39

He's undoubtedly sick to his back teeth of your constant bickering. He treated you like children because you act like children.

MattBerrysHair · 28/12/2018 21:40

Listening to people bickering fir long periods is excruciating. I think you just need to acknowledge that, apologise, and move on.

MotorcycleMayhem · 28/12/2018 21:40

If a grown man has seen fit to pull two grown women apart and bollock them about their "volatile" and "bickering" behaviour over a "hobby" (why can't people say what it is FFS) when you spend hours every day together, I'm going to guess he was at the end of his tether.

You two need to either stop spending your time bickering or stop bickering where other people are affected by your behaviour.

DowntonCrabby · 28/12/2018 21:44

If he’s having to witness the bickering frequently he’ll feel like he’s your Dad! I wouldn’t say constant bickering is normal within adult friendships. Obviously you do spend lots of time together though, is it horse related? Is the DH also hugely involved in the hobby?

donquixotedelamancha · 28/12/2018 21:58

We are 32 years old ffs.

Is your point that he shouldn't tell you off at that age? Normally I'd agree but the dynamic you describe is so utterly alien to me, I have no clue what social rules would still be in place.

Do i apologize for upsetting him

Assuming he wasn't abusive or unpleasant then yes, you should apologise for your behaviour not for his feelings.

i need a plan of action to fix this...

Observe how adults interact with people they respect and try to copy that. Try to reset the boundaries which seem to be missing. When you catch yourself bickering- stop.

AnoukSpirit · 28/12/2018 22:23

after a couple of days of bickering about stupid stuff

I imagine most people reading your op will also be thinking "wtf?" but it will be about this. Not being called out for it.

You don't sound 32.

Is this a windup?

Original poster
Vegemitemum · 30/12/2018 08:10

No, not a windup??
Thanks for all the replies, pretty much unanimous! I have apologized and things seem ok. He's actually a really nice guy so must have been really pissed off.
Whoever said 'horse related', made me laugh, yes it's horse related, how could you tell!

OP posts:
whiskeysourpuss · 30/12/2018 08:19

I have 2 teenage daughters who can be great friends but bicker constantly... it's tiresome & fucking irritating to listen to on a constant daily basis. Sometimes I just want to shout "will you two just shut the fuck up!!!!"

I imagine he has reached this stage.

In his shoes I'd be questioning my own relationship & asking myself if I want to put up with this for the rest of my life - the answer would be no.

Littlechocola · 30/12/2018 08:21

How to fix it? Stop acting like a child

trojanpony · 30/12/2018 08:59

Is she really your best friend?you sound like you have a very unhealthy relationship dynamic I don’t argue with anyone that much except my boss Grin

Frouby · 30/12/2018 09:02

I knew it would be horse related. 😁

Moonstoned · 30/12/2018 09:04

You see your relationship as ‘volatile’, sisterly and interesting, he experiences the continual bickering as a complete, juvenile pain in the ass. I know where my sympathy lies.can you not just take yourselves out to the middle of a large field so no one else has to witness the continual back and forth?

Chloe84 · 30/12/2018 09:17

Obviously you do spend lots of time together though, is it horse related?

How on earth did you know @DowntownCrabby?

DowntonCrabby · 30/12/2018 13:05

We spend part of most days together due to a shared hobby.

It was this that made me think horses. Any other fault hobby, maybe running etc you’d be too focussed on the activity. There would be lots of time to chat fight Winkwhile doing your own horses and it would take up much more time than other hobbies.

Sherlock Holmes has nothing on me Grin

DowntonCrabby · 30/12/2018 13:06

*daily not fault

Belindabauer · 30/12/2018 13:09

If he has to listen to this i'm not surprised he has told you both to stop.

Cherries101 · 30/12/2018 13:09

If you spend every day together he probably resents you any way. Do you let them have any 1-2-1 time?

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