to think it is DH responsibility to buy presents for his family?

[Yolo89]

So Christmas has just been and gone. Our family lives in the other side of the world so we don't always see them. My DH says he will send presents to his mum and dad but just never gets around to it. Same for birthdays. Never. Not even a card. He sat s they don't want anything but I think they'd at least like a thought , a card , photos of their grand children. I look after all of my family- is it also up to me to buy for DH family? I just feel it is his responsibility or at least joint. He will initiate nothing. What do you do?

Just leave things as they are,, as in your Husband says his family don't want presents. job done, so tiring to worry about such things.

Where has the DH said he expects the OP to do the present buying? She is the one fretting, this causing herself an issue. More unnecessary, self-imposed angst.

God typical bloke, by all means make suggestions but let him get on with it.
I work 6 days a week, long hours running a business and I still have time ff's.

Surely a lot boils down to whether you consider them "your" family, or "his" and "my" family.
And how else you separate out home-admin.

It's more than reasonable you buy "his" family presents, if that is what you've agreed, works for your (joint) budget, makes sense given the division of other household duties.

If however he thinks it's "wifework" ..... that's wildly different from actively acknowledging he & his family don't do presents / don't put the same importance on them as you.

thanks for all your thoughts - it is really interesting hearing all your opinions. Whilst I am close to his family, he would never in.a million years organise a present for my family so I guess in.a way then it seems if I do for his it is wife work. There is also a frustration that he never seems to bother even remwmbering when their birthdays are to send a message or call. I feel a bit bad when.he misses his nieces birthday as my DD is about the same age as her cousin, however do I have to do all the thinking for my and his family. Hence the resistance. Men don't get women ma age so much in.their brain.in.the running if the house- organising all school and extra curricular things etc. So managing his family and presents is just one step too far for me. He has never asked me too however I prompt him and nothing gets done. I kid you not he keeps saying he will organise his parents Xmas present soon!!!!!!! What in Feb???! Nothing to do with lack of time. more a lack of bother and thought.

It's a hard one, for me I always make sure my MIL gets something for Xmas and her birthday. She has two sons and neither make any effort.

But my MIL is so lovely and I hate the idea of her having nothing. She knows it comes from me, I think she appreciates it, and we have a great relationship. My DH and MIL are definitely closer now, as I will phone her for a catch up and actually take her calls, whereas DH avoids them!

However I don't bother with BIL, SIL or their (almost adult) kids. DH isn't close to them and they've always been really frosty with me. Sod that.

@Happygolucky009 it's still your brothers responsibility though, not your SILs just because he works away. I'm sure he doesn't forget' work deadlines so it's piss poor to forget his family's birthdays etc

I buy all the gifts apart from DH mum and dad.

Their his parents and I feel he should be the one to decide on what to give them

There is only MIL who we buy for in DHs's family now and he organises that. He often sorts our girls presents out too. I do all the Christmas cards though. I actually like doing them

I sort my family and DH sorts his (or doesn’t actually as they are all overseas).
However there’s zero chance of me sorting his side. We both work full time and last time I checked I’m not his secretary.

Thankfully my husband has never expected me to do this because I married an adult.

Surely a lot boils down to whether you consider them "your" family, or "his" and "my" family.
And how else you separate out home-admin.

This. It's fine to split it into your family and his, but there's other ways of sharing the load. I.e. I buy and wrap all the presents, DH writes and posts all the Christmas cards. We both consider ourselves to have the better end of the deal!

This is also how we share things at home, he does nappies, I feed babies, I cook dinners, he does washing etc.

We find it a lot less stressful than trying to split tasks or remember who did them last.

Don't do it OP! Once you start down that path you'll never be able to stop!

I buy presents for his family because they buy things for me so I need to reciprocate. After one awful year when we turned up there empty handed, I would rather just do it myself. His mum is lovely. Rest of them not so much but to opt out would cause bad feeling. He thinks they are scroungers which he is right about, but for the sake of half an hour in tk maxx and 30 quid it's worth it to keep the peace.

We have one of these in our family. I hate him for it. All he has to do is click on amazon, it's not hard.

That said, I absolutely don't think his DW should be doing it in his place. I judge him for his exceptionally bad manners, not her.

Meh, i hate either assumption. Just do what works best. My husband doesnt assume or think it’s ‘wife work’ but I’m out buying presents for my (larger) family and DS and he’s at work more, so I buy his family too.

My DH has always bought presents for his large family - mostly just for the children nowadays - because he sees it as his responsibility not mine. He also remembers all the children's birthdays and sends cards and presents then.

@redpanda2 I agree its piss poor that he forgets. However, any marriage is a partnership, my sil works minimal hours, is no longer hands on with their kids as they are pretty much independent. She is my kids auntie and as such, she is as much responsible for present giving as is he and to abdicate herself where kids are involved, is petty and churlish.