I don't know if I am being unreasonable here and a bit selfish myself to be honest. Bear with me it's a long one to avoid drip feed. My friend lost her husband 5 - 6 years after a short battle with cancer. During his illness I was there for her and teenage son as much as possible. Making meals and running errands. I was her shoulder to cry on many, many times after he passed. As any friend would do. I was there for each milestone after his death. She doesn't have much family in this country. Alot of friends started to distance themselves over the last few years with her. Still in contact but moving on with their life. I was there for arguments with her son as he grew up and dealt with his grief in his own way and they developed a massive divide. In the last year myself and my husband paid for a trip to Paris for her as a special birthday treat and it was somewhere she always wanted to see. I went with her and we paid for different trips etc. While on this trip I started to feel drained and my own problems were at the front of my mind too. A close aunt of my husband's had passed during the year and a close uncle on my side was quite ill. I began to realise that over the last few years none of my problems were relevant to her in the last few years. It was almost like a competition. Her problems were always worse. If I was unwell she was always worse. My husband's aunt passed it only brought back her trauma when her husband died so much so she didn't bother to sympathise with anyone in our house. The same when my cousin lost his wife. My uncle was sick but she had loads of uncles sick. I fell out with my mum it was worse with her mum and the awful things her son says to her. I think her son could be feeling the same as me. I feel like I have done everything I can. When we left Paris she insisted on finding a present for the lady that checked on her house each night we were away but never thought to even say thank you to my husband for the trip. My oldest child had surgery before Christmas and she never checked into see how it had gone. In fact the first I saw of her was when she came over to tell me how sick she had been. Her health has been awful with constant infections on top of menopause on top of depression since her husband died.
Now I know that this woman's loss was awful and devastating and her grief is ongoing but I feel like I am only a sounding board and that's all our friendship is now. My problems are irrelevant. Am I being selfish? There is no time limit for grief. She was due to come to us on new years day and I am dreading it. Am I being completely self absorbed here? Any advice welcome and willing to hear I need to cop on.