MIL some perspective or AIBU?

[Piercy]

Hi

So DH parents are divorced MIL lives an hour away by plane. MIL remarried about 4 years ago and new husband is unwell if it suits him - so if we want to visit and we want to go out he's ill if he wants to go on holiday for a month at a time he is fine - that kind of thing.

We have always traveled up, their house is very small so we end up staying in a hotel or an apartment. We've now had a little boy who is 5 and the last time MIL saw him was 2.5 years ago when we went up. They/she refuses to travel to us so it is down to us to fork out for flights, car hire, accommodation not cheap with the 3 of us.

When we suggest they come to us there is always objections/reasons they can't travel. We've offered to arrange taxi's to collect from their end and get special assistance, we would collect this end and they wouldn't have to do a thing - always declined. However on several occasions now we've found out they have flown to Benidorm for 3-4 weeks.

DH has 'challenged' MIL as she never calls she doesn't ask after DS, and the reply is she can't be bothered to make the effort.

I am now miffed why is it down to us to keep this relationship up? However trying to be patient, understanding and for DS to have some sort of relationship with his Granny we've booked to go up again in May half term week it's costing over £500 for 3-4 days. However Christmas we've not received as much as a Christmas card or a phone call.

Just looked on-line we could spend a week at the same time in the New Forest for less money than 3-4 days near MIL.

I want to cancel and think stuff it - am I right to think this? How do I get DH to see my point without him rearing up? Or should I be the bigger person?

Blimey-you obviously stay in nicer places than we do! Where do they live? I’d book a travel lodge for two nights if I had to go up and see them.

You are right, unfortunately it's not your place to say this to her. Her DS hould be the one to be talking to her about it or you'll be the villain of the piece. I'd express what you believe to him and let him do what he will with the information. You've done all you can.

Is the cost including flights, spends, etc?

I wouldn't bother, tbh. She doesn't care about your DS so sod her. Go somewhere lovely.

Sadly she doesn't sound like a very interested granny. So I wouldn't bother making the effort personally. Struggling to travel is one thing but lack of interest in general is horrible and your DS will pick up on that.

I'd definitely go to the new forest instead- beautiful place! If you do check out moors valley, it's an amazing place for kids.

Your MIL doesn’t want a relationship with your son if she can’t ‘be bothered to make the effort’. Stop chasing it - cancel the visit and go to the New Forest. You might point out to your husband that by doing all the running, the pair of you are enabling her behaviour; time to take a step back to see what happens next. If she makes no effort or attempt to see her grandson, you’ll know where you stand. If she does, you can re-set the relationship so it’s not all down to you to arrange visits. Good luck!