To wish my ILs would go home now

[ILsGoHomePlease]

ILs arrived on 23rd, & we realize now that they don't intend to leave til 1st or 2nd. We knew they were coming but they wouldn't decide how long for. I wfh, kids are off school, DH is off work (but having a big lie in every day after wine consumption every evening).

I am working this week & it's a nightmare finding somewhere to work away from everyone. ILs require waiting on (MIL not good on feet and borderline doolally, FIL can just about make cuppa & slice of toast but that is all).

I am fed up, full of a cold, tired. Having to get up & sort kitchen, sort kids brekkie & then make MIL tea & then get on with my work day.

We need to food shop as didn't know they would be staying for so long & I just know that this'll fall to me tomorrow. I want to cry. This really feels too long for a visit and my grin & bear it capacity is at an all time low so just wanted to vent.

Kids do love them being here as does DH but this feels a bit like they're taking advantage. I know DH would never ask them to leave sooner & I suppose I wouldn't really want him to, but I feel like screaming all the same. Any good IL coping strategies?

Well it definitely is not your job to wait on your in laws.
Make sure you don't accommodate them again.

Why were the dates not agreed at the start?

Your husband is not entitled to lie in bed being a lazy git when his children and his parents need looking after.

You are working from home so he needs to take over while you work! He'd have to do it if you were working in an office away from the home so make him step up.

PP's idea about going to a coffee shop to work sounds an excellent idea. Do it OP!

Who feeds them when they're not at yours if they're incapable?

That is practically the entire Christmas break and way too long!

Get your husband to take over, it won't kill him, and resolve not to have them for so long again.

Think like this: In a few days, they'll be gone.

At least you know two of your New Year Resolutions now !!

I feel for you as am in exact same boat ( minus kids) but I already feel like locking myself in my room and hiding in there till it’s over

My ILS always used to insist on 10-12 day visits. It was so suffocating. By the end I would be full of resentment and rage at the imposition on our space, time and money (young kids, both working, limited holidays). We now set dates of no more than 4-5 days and don’t allow negotiation, return journey is booked and arranged at the same time as outward.

I now also ensure I have appointments and meetings during their stay so I get a breather and DH has to take charge. Overstaying is very damaging to relationships. I wish they understood this...

I have never stayed in someone’s house or had someone stay in mine for longer than theee nights.

This is way too long!

I am also wondering how they cope at home normally?

Normally.... well they manage, MIL cooks/cobbles things together, FIL carries things through & sometimes he makes 'butties' or egg on toast. When we stay there we fill their freezer & clean their kitchen etc. She can do things but can't really walk around holding things as she is very unsteady. And basically she thoroughly enjoys being waited on hand and foot when they are here (but does help occupying kids & kids love seeing them). Also they have other family near where they live at home (about 4hrs from us). Honestly I don't generally mind 'looking after them' for a few days but this is just way too long, esp while I am working.

"Having to get up & sort kitchen, sort kids brekkie & then make MIL tea & then get on with my work day"

Make a pile of toast, put it on the table with butter and spreads, pot of tea, milk etc and go to wherever you work from home? 5-10 minutes at the most?

"We need to food shop as didn't know they would be staying for so long & I just know that this'll fall to me tomorrow. I want to cry"

Online shop whilst drinking a nice glass of wine?

You mentioned your DH and kids both enjoy them staying, so perhaps do what you can and as others have suggested, retreat for work / bath / important meeting out - as Costa of course ....

If he wants them to stay longer then he does the lions share! It’s ridiculous that your DH is lying in while you are doing it all and working, I don’t know why you are putting up with it!

“(Unfortunately cant work in our bedroom as we have loft room with slanted ceilings).”

Eh?

Slanted ceilings == It's a loft room, low bed with ceiling slanting up overhead. Basically nowhere to sit down

Have they gone?

my dad always used to say: guests and fish stink after 3 days. I think he was right! I do hope they have gone op and your sanity is returning.

I don't understand this and I've only ever seen it on mn. How do people get into the dynamic where they ask their parents how long they will be staying for?! Clearly that doesn't work. When discussing overnight trips, you can offer them a set amount of time. You're inviting them, not the other way round.

They have now gone thank f**k, preferred sofa spot has been reclaimed as has tv remote. Now off work, enjoying family time & currently binge watching Luther with a glass of lovely chilled white.

(I don't understand the not knowing when they'll leave thing either and don't know how many times I asked DH when they were here until. In good news even he had had more than enough & we discussed that we'd never end up in the same situation again and either Xmas or NY for a visit but NOT the whole time. Here's hoping!)

Happy New Year, everyone 

I was in a similar position once. Made DH ask them how long they were staying. 10 weeks, apparently!