To find visiting family harder with older children

[BogstandardBelle]

We live overseas and have tended to come back to the UK for 1-2 weeks at a time to visit grandparents. Our boys are 8 & 11, and we are really struggling with visits the grandparents on DHs side. MIL is physically restricted - very slow and struggles to walk far, so days out are very difficult (she refuses a wheelchair). So we are stuck visiting them in their small, no-garden apartment. The boys are bored tbh after 10 minutes small talk, so we end up giving them books / devices etc.

What do your older children do during «duty» visits? Do you make them go? It’s so hard not having a base to invite them to, but we can’t afford to rent a whole house for a visit just to see them on a couple of afternoons!

Of course they will get bored. Mine did and I did at that Age as well.
However they have to learn that not everything is about their entertainment or pleasure.
Ours had a taking to before we went in reminding them about manners and in the case if nan and grandad, that thecgrandparentscwere getting older so it's not fair to be noisy.

The boys were allowed to take a book. They were also allowed to take their favourite toy to show and play with if it was possible as nan and grandad always paid an interest in the kids and whst they got.

Yes, it’s inevitable that they will be bored but as the PP said, it’s important they understand that their older family members enjoy seeing them and that they should put their own wants and needs aside for a few hours to be pleasant and sociable.

We’ve had that conversation recently with our two (13 and 9), especially regarding my mum, who lives alone and is in her 80s. Yes, she repeats herself a bit and can be hard work, but she adores them and would hate them to feel that visiting her was a chore.

I am having this problem with my 10 year old. He has sensory difficulties and finds sitting listening to adults talking very hard work. He takes a toy with him and device with games on it but I must admit I am visiting people less these days. Which is not good:(

Ah, that is difficult AmeliaMae
We have a nephew with SEN and it was difficult when all the cousins were younger. They all thought nephew was 'allowed to get away with stuff.
His parents (Dp's sister) tried to make everything as familiar as possible e.g. tried to fit in with nephews routine as much as possible, take the cordial they use at home etc and just did short visits.

I think that you should organise days out as well as staying in. There is only so much staring at 4 walls that you can endure.

Meh. What do you expect? Of course books and devices are appropriate.

Endless fun to be had with a pack of playing cards. Grandparents might even join in.

I think many children find sitting listening to adults talking torture. I still remember being bored stiff visiting aunts.

Best to take books or a game. Even a set of cards...

Surely you did sit there every day from morning till evening? Nice of GP to see everyone but a few hours and maybe a new time would be enough especially if GP refuses to uses mobility aid to go out and spend time with kids.

I'll have a few rounds of Pontoon with woollyheart.

It is boring for them if the GPs don't interact. My PIL don't with ds, and he gets to take a book and device now when we visit, or we arrange to meet them somewhere out so that at least there is a bit more going on.

If you told MIL that the boys really wanted to go to and you'd seen that they hired mobility scooters, wouldn't it be fab to go together and it would be so convenient to be able to carry the picnic bag on the scooter etc, would she maybe go for it? The only way we can spend any amount of time with my parents is to be out somewhere

😂 @Hillarious

Of course, I have been in trouble before for arranging card games at family gatherings instead of dancing and socialising!

I let mine take devices. Last time we were there, DS2 (12) spent his time playing chess on the iPad with my dad. It was much easier than normal as normally he's the one who can't sit still.

Good for you, woollyheart!

Like PP I think you just accept that it will be boring. If they sit and chat politely fir an hour maybe they can read a book but being bored isn't the end of the world.

Is there anywhere nearby the apartment that a parent could take them to for some of the time.

It won’t kill your kids to be bored now and then. We’ve all been there!