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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To donate all the food gifts I received to the foodbank?

24 replies

Ungratefulchocreceiver · 28/12/2018 13:54

I got given a lot of chocolate, biscuits, sweets for Christmas. Very kind. I really appreciate that people have bought me these.

I am in a relapse of my eating disorder. This morning I woke up, took the dogs out then came home ate a whole box of chocolates and vomited them up.

I can't cope with food like this in the house at all. Partner isn't a chocolate eater so won't want them, he prefers hard boiled sweets if he wants something sweet.

I feel incredibly guilty and useless that I will be wasting their money. I don't want to eat them then have to self harm/vomit.

Gift givers don't know I'm having a relapse. My closest friends and my cousin do, but even then cousin bought me sweets. My best friend was due to come over today and I was going to send her away with the food but her twins are unwell so she's cancelled.

I have medical support. My bloods have been low on key electrolytes due to repeated vomiting, if I eat the chocolates I will vomit which will make it worse. If I keep them in the house I will eat them. I am unable to stop myself. I know that is vile but partner works night shift and I will do it then.

Is it ungrateful to give them away to a food bank. Or what else could I give them to? Fairly small village so not many options unless I drive to nearest town.

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 28/12/2018 13:56

Definitely not. Do it. They are no good for any of us but positively evil for you.

flossietoot · 28/12/2018 13:56

Give them to the food bank

GimmeGimmeHellYeah · 28/12/2018 13:56

Nope YANBU.
This way you are looking after yourself and others.
Am glad you have support.

BuffaloCauliflower · 28/12/2018 13:57

I volunteer for a foodbank and they would be extremely grateful for donations like this. They may not all be open to take donations right now, though you can certainly have a google round and see which are.

It’s absolutely fine to give them away if that will help you be safe, glad to hear you have medial support. Is there anyone you can speak to who can help you now?

PumpkinKitty82 · 28/12/2018 13:58

YADNBU.
It’s not wasting them ,they’re going to a good cause so absolutely nothing to feel guilty about

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 28/12/2018 13:59

Of course YANBU. Nobody who gave the gifts would want you to be unwell because of them. And I'm sure whoever gets them from the food bank will be grateful for a little treat alongside the more practical stuff.

DogMamma · 28/12/2018 13:59

Firstly really sorry to hear of your relapse have you been back to gp.
Secondly no it's not ungrateful if it was my gifts and the recipient didn't like them or were in a situation like yourself, i would rarther they donate then to the food bank rather than self harm themselves.

Please go to see your gp. And talk to your trusted family and friends to get you through this, thinking of you

GrandmaSteglitszch · 28/12/2018 14:00

Giving to foodbank is not wasting the givers' money. It's giving something that will be a treat for people in difficult circumstances.

YANBU at all. Definitely give it all to the foodbank.
Can you get someone to keep the stuff for you, if you can't get it to the foodbank right away?

formerbabe · 28/12/2018 14:02

I quite often give food gifts because I know even if the receiver doesn't like them, they can be easily regifted and eventually someone benefits from them.

Do it!

GrandmaSteglitszch · 28/12/2018 14:02

Maybe you have a supermarket near you that has a foodbank collection point?

Original poster

Ungratefulchocreceiver · 28/12/2018 14:04

I can go now. The village shop has a metal crate where you can deposit donations and the foodbank come and collect it. Its open until 5 so will go over now. I can leave it in a plastic bag so won't attract questions about giving all sweets from shop owner. Thank you.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 28/12/2018 14:05

Giving them away is a very healthy thing to do

Try to be kind to yourself for relapsing

Confusednewname · 28/12/2018 14:08

If it makes you feel any less guilty, just remember that we buy presents to make the recipient happy. It will make you happy to give it to someone who needs it, but will be negatively effecting your mental health if you keep it. 1000% donate it, then treat yourself to a new bath goody or something that will boost you and get to the doctors for some help with your relapse.

AdoraBell · 28/12/2018 14:08

You are not ungrateful. You have an illness.

Definitely donate the food. It will be appreciated and that is much better than it making you suffer.

cardibach · 28/12/2018 14:12

You are very reasonable and sensible to remove items from your home which could lead to harm. UA asloR to donate to a food bank.
In terms of worrying about them as gifts, I read Marie Kondo’s book prior to sorting my house as I tend to hang on to stuff too much. She points out that the purpose of the gift is in the pleasure of giving and receiving. The gift itself is less important, and if it doesn’t serve you it is perfectly ok to let it go when it’s symbolic value is done.

mynameiscalypso · 28/12/2018 14:13

I waste so much food because of my ED; giving it to a food bank is a much better idea. Thank you for sharing, I will definitely do this in future. I'm so sorry about your relapse

LoniceraJaponica · 28/12/2018 14:20

I think it is a great idea. Do all these people know you have an eating disorder? I think giving someone with an ED a food gift is a bit thoughtless.

BuffaloCauliflower · 28/12/2018 14:25

That sounds like a great plan OP, it will really help you AND others. Hope you feel better and try and get some support for yourself today x

AtleastitsnotMonday · 28/12/2018 14:25

You must do this. It’s not ungrateful it’s both sensible and generous to those in need. And actually you are benefiting the nhs if you avoid an admission due to hypokalemia. As someone with a severe and enduring Ed I understand how difficult this time of year can be. You are doing everything possible to help yourself. That’s the best anyone can ask of you.
I guess it’s like saying if an alcoholic is given a bottle of vodka should they keep it or pass it on, in that scenario the answer is obvious.
If you can’t find an open food bank most supermarkets have collection points. Sainsburys point benefited on our disliked flavours of crisps this morning.

LizzieSiddal · 28/12/2018 14:30

Dh has issues with food and it’s just too much of a temptation for him. He takes the whole lot to the local food bank as soon as he can after Xmas day.

Jaxhog · 28/12/2018 14:31

Do it. The food banks will be grateful, as will the receipients. It isn't wasting them.

If your friends find out (they probably won't), explain that you needed to do this so you didn't relapse. Hopefully, they'll realise that buying you sweets and biscusits wasn't a very helpful thing to do, and won't do it again.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/12/2018 14:35

@ungratefulchocreciever - by giving them to the food bank, you will enable someone to have a treat that will lift their spirits. Making someone happy is such a good thing to do, and I hope that the knowledge that you have done something to cheer up people in a very hard situation will help lift your spirits too.

Can you get out and treat yourself to something to replace these gifts - I have a poor relationship with food, and have had to find things I can have as a treat that aren’t food - I get myself nice toiletries, or flowers, or a new book. You deserve a treat!

JoeLycettsSparklyArmSling · 28/12/2018 14:37

YANBU at all. You need to what you have to keep well.

Another option would be to ask a nursing home if they’d like them.

Original poster

Ungratefulchocreceiver · 28/12/2018 15:40

Thank you all so much for such kind replies.

To someone who asked no they don't know. I used to when I was younger and they all knew them but I am supposedly completely recovered and well now. I'm not sure it would be useful to tell them. I find it's not helpful when in recovery as then people tend to watch every single thing you eat and read too much into it. It's useful for them to know when you are in the grips of it and are being secretive but it's not useful to me when I'm recovery as the attention it receives is difficult for me.

To the person who said it's saving NHS money if I don't need admitted for hypokalemia this is very true. I am having my bloods monitored regularly for this.

Thank you all for the permission to let go of these foods. Delicious as they are I just can't deal well with them around me.

OP posts:

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