Hi everyone, this is my first post on here.
For the past 3 years I've had a very strained relationship with my mother. It was never amazing but the difficulties started around 3 months before my wedding.
Myself and DH had made our guest list and limited it to around 120 guests, since we were paying for everything ourselves. To keep within our budget we decided to invite only married or long term partners, no new boyfriends or girlfriends as plus ones. I also didn't want to be bullied.
My mother decided that she wanted me to invite my cousins new boyfriend (he had just told us he had a boyfriend) and I said no because then I would have to bend the rules for everyone and end up with 20+ more guests. This was completely unacceptable to my mother and her sister and what followed was months of them trying to bully me into inviting this person. I explained to my aunt and cousin my reasons for not adding extra guests and they told me I was lying and must have a problem with him being gay. My mother had said prior to all of this that she was shocked my cousin was gay and couldn't see him the same way anymore.
In the end all of my extended family didn't attend my wedding, no family friends attended and my mother didn't attend. I had told her she was no longer invited because she told people myself and DH were extremely homophobic and that's why we had decided not to invite my cousins new boyfriend (NOT at all the case - my mother didn't like that DH had more family members who would be attending).
My aunt text me on my wedding day and said I was a horrible person and have no family and good luck to my husband because he'll need it. Not that I actually blame her really - my mother told her I hated her gay son and who would presume someone's mother is lying just to get her way.
What followed was approx 1 year of NC and I found out my mother had cancer so I reached out to try mend things somewhat.
Within around 15 mins she was telling me that everyone has decided I need psychiatric help because I've hurt so many people and nobody needs me around.
Slowly over the next couple years we had contact here and there, I didn't want to just leave things with her being ill and things were a little better but nothing was ever addressed.
I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with my first child (first grandchild for her) and was always slightly unsure if it was best to have my mother involved or not, given how she's treated me in the past and has never apologized. But I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
That was until yesterday. She informed me that my aunt was sick over Christmas and I said that I didn't care because she is of no interest to me (none of my family have spoken to me in the last 3 years, bar my siblings and dad) after the message she sent to me on my wedding day over something that herself and my mother had just made up essentially.
My mother told me that she is my aunt and I need to apologize to her so she can be in my baby's life.
I told her that was never going to happen and that my mother is lucky I even speak to her given that she has never apologized or taken responsibility over the fact that she has left me with no family and treated me terribly.
She then told me that it was myself and my husband that caused all of this and that it was because of us that she got cancer after the wedding. I told her that was ridiculous and made no sense and that she had ruined everything by telling people lies about me.
I said we need to sort this out because she had admitted to me a while back that her sister bullied her into forcing me to invite cousins boyfriend to the wedding. She denies that happened now and said she won't discuss anything with me because I'm wrong and ruining Christmas.
I then went home and told my husband what she had said and he has decided my mother is not to be involved in the baby's life until she treats me with respect and apologizes for what she has done.
He returned some baby gifts to her house last night that she had given us and she freaked out and told him he just wants the baby for him and his family and asked me to not let this happen.
She has now reverted back to telling people that I need help and I need to leave DH because he is brainwashing me. She also has a huge problem with DH's family for no reason at all and she seems to blame them for what happened with the wedding but I don't really get why because they didn't do anything or say anything bad about her or her family.
I'm curious to see what people think from an outside perspective since I think I'm right and she so adamantly thinks she is right.
Sorry for the long post!