I really have had no one to talk to about this because I didn’t want family or friends to know about the situation as yet. I was just hoping I could get some advice on my current situation if anybody is willing to help.
My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married for 2. We have no children but we own our house and both have jobs.
We first met about 6 years ago at work. I was in a dreadful relationship at the time which was ending and she was in a short relationship with someone else too. We were friends at first, we spoke about our partners etc. Her partner was more or less using her for a booty call so she ended it. He really hurt her the way he treated her. I then finally got out of my toxic abusive relationship with my ex. (My ex was an abusive alcoholic who would kiss people in front of me which really destroyed my confidence and trust)
2 months later we started dating as we were both single and got on well. Things were going well for a few months then I noticed at one point that she was texting her ex still (she unlocked her phone in front of me and a message of his had popped up) I told her how it made me feel shit and unwanted how she carried on talking to him as we were starting a new relationship. She promised me she would stop and focus on us.
A year or so later I find out that she had been texting him. I then told her to block him as it would damage our relationship. I feared she still had feelings for him.
Then about a year later we get married. Everything feels all good, I finally feel I can trust someone 100%, we get on well, have so many laughs etc.
Then on Christmas night I went to bed early at 9pm because I’d hardly slept the night before and the few beers I had made me real tired. I leave my wife downstairs watching a film, drinking her Gin. I wake up at 2am to some weird type of groaning noises downstairs so I go down to see what is happening. My wife is sitting in the dark quite intoxicated. I ask her what was the noise and what she’s been doing. She just repeats “nothing”. She was acting too strange and was hiding her phone from me. I took her to bed and helped her when she was sick and got her water. She kept looking at her phone and started telling me to look after my niece which was strange. So I done something I haven’t done for years. I decided to check her phone because something was not right. I check her phone and she has been texting her ex that same night. The messages were about their past sexual relationship. She’s calling him a sex god and his dick was a good size. She then says she thinks about him even when she’s sober. The last message was on about how he used to pick her up when she was drunk and she man handled him and it made him hard. The last message said how she “unbuttoned him” and I think this is about the time I came downstairs. So god knows where that convo would have went.
I let her sleep the drink off for 5 hours while I sat there confused, hurt and not knowing what to do.
I confronted her and she denied it all but I told her I’d seen the messages. To cut the story a bit short we argued and she eventually told me that night she had been texting him throughout all January, everyday. And then through April too. I asked her if they were sexual. She said some were about past sexual things they done, but there were no talks about future sexual things. She told me he wanted to meet up with her as friends for a drink, but she declined. She has said she only wants me and she doesn’t know why she talked to him. She has deleted the means they used to message each other. She also said I could check her phone all the time. Which is something I do not want to do. I was happy feeling I was in a trustful relationship and I hate not trusting her now.
I feel at a loss on what to do.