To be embarrassed by how much DM spent on my kids

[worthygirl]

Just had slightly mortifying day with DM. She spent a fortune on my kids- like over £100 each - and actually told us this too. In contrast, we barely got them anything & spent probably £100 in total on vouchers & it was really embarrassing as the difference was obvious. I don’t have the money & actually don’t want her spending so much - there is kind of an expectation of extravagance that I can’t match in any way.
Aibu to feel slightly mortified?

Is she making you feel bad? It's quite normal for parents to spend more on their children and grandchildren. I get she mentions the money she spent but what tone does she use? Maybe she is just so excited... You should absolutely not feel bad you can't spend more than you can afford.

I think it’s normal for grandparents to spend more on their dc and gc than they get back. Pass the wealth down type thing. We give More token presents, that I’ve put thought in to, rather than things that cost a lot as my parents have far more disposable income than we do and they’d rather we use our cash to have a nice holiday/over pay the mortgage/save for a new car etc.

My in-laws spend a lot more on the kids than we do. They only have 2 grand children at the moment and they’re both still working and have far less things to spend on ( no mortgage, etc). I’m happy the kids get what they want, even happier that I’m not paying for them.

My grandfather gave my parents money for most of our Christmas presents and we knew my grandfather had paid for them. It was always explained my grandfather had more money and it helped all the family. I never saw it as my parents not providing, just grateful for my grandfather’s generousity.

It's definitely weird that she told you how much she spent on them, and I would have felt awkward and embarrassed by that too, OP, especially if I'd spent much less.

In future, I would ask her please to only buy one thing, or no more than a certain amount, but you'd love her to put the rest into savings accounts for the children if she wants to.

It's what grandmothers do. Seriously my sisters mil literally enters the house a sack full of presents for each of her kids. It's like a mountain of gifts. It's really quite something to see. I dread to think how much she spends but it's her business I guess

We were really short of money when our kids were little, we love buying things for the grandkids to help out. My DiL always thanks us for being 'kind', but it doesn't feel kind, it's just so nice to see them enjoying things. But we do tend to ask about what their mum and dad think they might like.