Maybe a stately homes question or am I being daft

[itsalmosthere]

I’ve been on before re my darling fucking SIS, as I never know if I’m being unreasonable or being fucked over. You have all been very good at calling it before, sometimes UR and other times not. As I’ve mentioned before it would take several books to cover everything.

So here I am again, quite probably being unreasonable, but it feels a bit shitty, I’m playing my role as the “unhinged one”. My family view me as mentally unstable - I’m not, but ffs even if I was! My DH of over a decade got nothing from my DPs for Christmas, the rest of us got bloody boots 2 for 3 shit - my DPs are loaded. My DN was also missed off (my other lovely SIS is viewed even worse). And then they swanned off as usual for the annual at FSIS. We hosted Boxing Day again (not for the FSIS, our families are not allowed to mix!). Our chilled out day, but I’m feeling I’m getting frostier with them all, as I really don’t like them after they have spent time with her. Their attitudes become kipperish. Am I’m being unreasonable that the older I get, I’m just fucked off with their hero worship of that fucking cow, and all I want to do is scream when they mention her - but I don’t.

So as not to drip feed as far as practicable possible (I did say volumes of books) I am from a so called naice family. I bounced around a lot in my 20s, I got pregnant, my parents evicted me. I ended up homeless, I had my son in the midst of a hostage crisis in a homeless hostel from hell - the whole fucking thing was pretty awful.

Queue 20 years on, I need to get past the anger I have towards my sister who persuaded them that was the right thing to do. The same sister who told them I needed to stand on my own two feet - aka I had to pay my own way through university, but paid her to get through with no debt!!! The same sister they always go to Christmas dinner, I get Boxing Day. I’ve blasted my way through that, I totally own my life, I’ve done seriously well, regardless of the fuck wittery, I’ve built a really good life, ok more middle class than upper middle, I’ve done ok, without any help, from any of them. And yet they still treat me and my family with contempt.

I’m there to pick up the slack, hospital appointments, pharmacy runs etc. So am I just ungrateful, I’m already LC with the FSIS, but I’m feeling that I should just consider my family as my other lovely SIS, and fuck the rest of them.... as hard as it seems. My DPs just fawn over the FSIS - every thing she says goes, I’m finally getting angry at them as well, but I don’t really do anger... I just want a nice simple life... and I don’t want to know anything she is doing.

Well that was an incredibly long rant! Apologies

Sorry but what are SIS and FSIS

Why on earth are you still having anything to do with them?

Sis is sister, FSIS is fucking sister ... I have a few sisters, most lovely but the FSIS is not / if that makes sense

For your own benefit you might be better to go NC with them for a while. I think your anger will just get worse the more they do (speaking from experience). I wouldnt invite them next year, enjoy your boxing day with family who dont treat you like shit. With all the things you do for them, stop doing it and tell them to ask their favoured child.

Take a deep breath and forget about them all, do what you want to do, dont set expectations for any of them as you will be disappointed.

Perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do.

Definitely better over with experienced Stately Homes members as they’ll understand and be able to advise without judgement.

I’d get your thread moved ASAP so that you receive the support you need.

@WhoKnewBeefStew family guilt, I've got my role, if that makes sense. But I don't want that role anymore

I really think you should go no contact with them and see if you can access therapy. I know everyone shouts counselling on here for every ill, but I think it might help you untangle it all.

Maybe join the stately homes threads on here?

How do you move a thread?

@Fstar I know you are right, I need too to go NC. Unfortunately my DM has a serious illness and I don't think I could do it, I want to. I look at how my lovely in-laws behave, and just mmmmmm that's how people should be.

There are some facts in your post that make it clear YANBU. Always Christmas at FSis's never with you. She was paid for through uni, you weren't. That sucks. Decide what would work for you, without taking anyone else's opinions or desires into consideration. Just once, Bet you've never done that before. I've started doing it with my dad and god, it's liberating. Instead of feeling guity that I don't call them, I just think: I don't like or trust you, with good reason, so I won't call you and I won't feel bad about it either. The feeling of power you get (power within, not manipulative power over others) is phenomenal.

@OneStepMoreFun thank you for your kind words, I need to find a way to balance my responsibilities to my parents health with my own health. I need to find a way to say NO. A way to protect my own wonderful family, from the weirdness that they live. It's fucking hard

I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. And I think these things are always magnified at Christmas. :(
We've just made the decision to go LC/NC with in laws. We're sick of putting ourselves out for them and then having them lie about us. I think my mil enjoys the drama so we won't be feeding it anymore.
Stately homes is your best bet.

If you report your post and ask them to move it then HQ can sort that for you. :)

I'm not sure how to report a post, but I will try, all I know if that I want to cry, I know I shouldn't, this is life, and I should know how to deal with it.

I think go NC this is your enough is enough moment. If FSIS wants your parents to herself so be it she can do the appointments etc etc
Maintain good relationships with your other siblings and move on continuing the success you’ve made of your life without them dragging you down anymore

I've just sent a text message that may be the end of it all .. I just want peace, but what they did is not peace ...

What did you say?

Op it sounds awful no child of mine would ever convince me to hurt you the other one and yet it happens all the time.

People who are supposedly high powered and intelligent seem to easily ride roughshod over some family members their own children because a favourite child tells them too.

I think you need to really step back, Lower your expectations right down and back way off this is doing nothing for your self esteem.

Agree, I need to step way back. Wish I could take back the shitty message I sent, but I can't. So I'm just going to have to hide, retreat time. And I need to not let myself get so upset but stupid things.

I find it's the little crap, that drags up the big shit. I'm too old for it all, time to retreat and look after myself.

I got an intervention...... that fucking text message. I’d unplugged my phone (aka turned it off), so they all turned up at mine this evening. There we all are chilling in day old pjams, slobbing playing computer games .. and the twin set n pearl brigade turn up... to quietly chastise me for upsetting them.

On the bonus side, I for once didn’t apologise, I actually feel like I made them feel not guilty, but shamed them a little bit. I don’t feel that good about that. But It was Aka normal people don’t go every single Christmas to one sisters, most people alternate, that’s the normal way. Hey it was about as much as I could muster in my Pjams....I just don’t think they understand normality, and that’s where I have gone wrong - my expectations are for normal reactions from normal people. And they live in their own little planet.

Apparently I should speak up more. but I’ve learnt not too, as my quiet excuse me’s get fobbed off / so it all bubbles until I explode. When I explode the family shift their behaviours a bit, now that’s not fucking normal.

Just a most bizarre evening. I do however feel a bit more at peace, as some things that had been previously unsaid were said. I have no idea if that will make any difference. But it feels a little bit better from my side.