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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that boyfriend is not coming to my daughters birthday?

22 replies

ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 20:11

I've been seeing my boyfriend for nearly a year. He has two children 6 and 10. My daughters birthday is on Saturday and I am having a small number of people to the house to celebrate. I know his kids have a class that day so would probably need to leave just after 2pm. Party starts at 11. He's just saying he can't make it. Am I being unreasonable to feel really hurt that he's making no effort?

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 27/12/2018 20:14

Yes! It's really not his responsibility to turn up to your daughter's party.

RedSkyLastNight · 27/12/2018 20:18

I don't think such a short time boyfriend is obliged to go.

How old is your daughter? If she's much younger than his DC, they won't be that keen on coming either, and he may feel he doesn't want to make them.

TheBigBangRocks · 27/12/2018 20:22

Children's parties aren't exciting unless you're own. I'd not expect him to want to go either. Different if it was serious and you were living together.

Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 20:23

She will be 3. Maybe I am being over sensitive. I just couldn't see myself not making the effort for his. He's usually very thoughtful so I'm a bit surprised.

OP posts:
Escolar · 27/12/2018 20:24

Did he say why OP?

CandyCreeper · 27/12/2018 20:25

yanbu

Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 20:26

No he didn't give a reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 20:33

We are on a Christmas night out together that evening. I think I will just feel sad about it.

OP posts:
KateGrey · 27/12/2018 20:35

Would his kids need to come? Have they met your dd before? Maybe he feels they wouldn’t enjoy a 3 year olds birthday. If he’s normally very thoughtful I’d probably give him a pass if he’s with his kids.

Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 20:40

Yes all of our kids know each well. I have an older child also (6). His kids are with him that day. I just thought he may have offered to drop by early if he/his kids didnt want to spend a lot of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 20:48

I get the point that a 3 year olds party may not be the best fun but I'm looking at this more as ..this is pretty important to me and a gesture from my partner to acknowledge that would make all the difference.

OP posts:
Mumshappy · 27/12/2018 20:51

YANBU i dont see why he cant come before the class

Orlande · 27/12/2018 20:54

The age gap is too much - 6&10 year olds don't want to spend a precious contact weekend at a 3rd birthday party.

Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 21:01

He has them part of every weekend (and during the week) and many of those weekends are spent together with me and my kids.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2018 21:03

It seems odd when you already spend a lot of weekend time together and he hasn’t explained why.

Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 21:09

He's just sort of said with the class that day he won't make it.....but the timings would easily allow them to make an appearance in my view

OP posts:
Milkmachine15 · 27/12/2018 21:14

YANBU id feel a bit hurt by that like you say they could pop in for half an hour just to show their faces at the birthday party considering you spend so much time ‘as a family’ she should be treated as such!

Original poster
ApostleLover · 27/12/2018 21:19

Thank you Milkmachine15. That is how I feel about it. We spend a lot of family time together and I would never not make the effort for his kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
ApostleLover · 28/12/2018 15:32

I was thinking a bit more about this.....for his sons birthday, they arranged a family meal which my family were not invited to (his ex didn't want us there). His parents live several hours away so I happily gave them a place to stay and looked after their dog while they went out for that meal...... I just don't think it's fair that we get zero effort when there's a birthday on our side.

OP posts:
Rednaxela · 28/12/2018 15:34

His actions are speaking loud and clear OP!

I'd be seriously reconsidering how much effort I was putting in to this man, it's clear he doesn't see the relationship the same way you do.

Original poster
ApostleLover · 28/12/2018 15:38

Thank you. I'm baffled by his actions to be honest. It's really out of character as he's usually overly thoughtful. I feel really let down about it.

OP posts:
Gth1234 · 28/12/2018 15:49

a lot of husbands wouldn't want to be at a 3yo birthday by choice, never mind a bf. YABU

It's worth talking to him about this though, given the post about the occasion you weren't; invited.

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