Is it me or them?

[baubled]

Normally I know if I'm being u but this time I'm really unsure! Before you read, beware that it's a boring one!

Whenever we've got cards up for birthdays/Christmas DP's mum and step dad always pick them up and read the written messages inside and I always find it a bit rude!

DP and I aren't overly soppy but we will write a little bit of a cringe soppy message sometimes.

His mum just picked up a card from my sister (which in all fairness should have been put away but DP put it up and I hadn't noticed) and read the long personal note written inside, we don't make a habit of writing long paragraphs but we've recently made up from a fall out so it was more to do with that and it made me uncomfortable watching her stand and read it!

I know it's a non issue and I always forget until they do it again but I wouldn't dream of going in to someone's house and reading cards, happy to be told I'm U and it's what people do though because I'm genuinely unaware of what the social norm is around this now!

Yes Gimme, I also don’t understand all these ‘beyond rude’ posts. Obviously I am ill bred and bad mannered as I don’t get the outrage

Huh? Put them somewhere private? In your own home? No you nosey bastards you just don't read other people's cards! It's not hard. If post is on the counter would you read it? Calendars? On open diary? No! Come and visit and sit on your hands if you have to but cards on the mantle are not there for randomers to read!

Yanbu, this would drive me insane!!!

When you say on display, do you mean like that?

Where does it say to you that you are invited to read someone else private mail in there? How can you not find it rude to read someone private messages? Do you also read people's calendars if they have a family one to find out about their medical appointment and so on? Do you look at their phone to read their messages? Do you open their photo album to have a pick?

If a cleaner does that, she would be sacked. How can it be acceptable on any level, until someone invites you to read them?

It's unbelievably rude

You’re aptly named Generationsnowflake

High drama in front of the mantelpiece

how do you call people with bad manners then? I call them rude, but adding to being nosey in this case, unbelievably rude describes it quite well.

I don[t think there'd be any harm in looking in most cards that just say "lots of love Jane and family", but if there was a long personal message than yes it's rude to stand there reading it. Probably wiser to put away those cards in future though!

Still a bit split but I'm glad I'm in the majority!

I've never noticed anyone else do it before so when I've watched them do it I just wondered if it was the norm and "they're on display so they're fair game"

@UserName31456789 it was taken down the moment they left

I thought it was normal. Am not interested enough to do it though as generally people write very, very dull things in cards.

I wouldn’t put a card with a private message in on my mantelpiece or whatever.

I would save unbelievably rude for someone spitting in my face or telling me to fuck off

I’m afraid your earlier comment leaves you nowhere to go on the hyperbolic adjective front should either of these unfortunate events happen to you

It's easier not to invite these kind of people any more, but I suppose when it's your in-laws, you don't have much choice but have to hide everything and lock it away. It's a bit sad to have to put locks on your doors because people haven't got a minimum of common decency and basic manners.

It wouldn't even have occur to me that it was a "thing", I don't even read my kids post without their permission.

I read the cards in my DDs houses if on display and never imagined it was rude. They read the ones on display in ours too though. I don't read the ones to and from partners just in case the messages are private. Our cards must be boring as they never have additional messages in beyond looking forward to seeing you or congrats on new job or whatever.

JoyceTempleSavage
feel free to put swearing and reading private post in the same basket, I won't disagree with that. Anyone doing any of these things would never be invited in my home again, so there.

I do this at my DM's sometimes, but I'll stop now 😄😳. I think it probably is a bit rude - I'm genuinely interested in who has sent her a card though. Although maybe genuinely interested = nosy 🤔.

My mum does this! I can't stand it! I make a point now to put personal/private cards I wouldn't want anyone to read away in our bedroom.

My mum does it. She looks at letters if I leave them on the worktop too. It's rude.

They're great in laws and do so much for us as a family so maybe I should be grateful that this is one of my only moans

generationsnowflake

Actually yes, if someone left a photo album on the coffee table I would look at it, I leave one on our coffee table expecting people to have a peak if they want to! Same for other items on display, if you leave pictures/cards on display I would assume they were there to be admired? Wouldn’t necessarily feel the need to pick them up and read them (apart from the ones where the punch line is clearly inside), but equally wouldn’t be upset if anyone read mine - but then I wouldn’t put personal or sensitive items on display. Sorry if that’s rude, I just thought that’s why people left things like that out! Will know for future

Lots of people do that.

Enough that if you have a card with something inside it you don't want people to see, it's better just to put it away than to ask them not to look at it.

Ours go on the mantelpiece. The pictures on the outside are to look at. No need to go looking in them. Don't know what people expect to find.

I would be worried that the same people would think nothing of going in my bedroom and "visit" whilst they are there!

If someone frames a letter and put it on the wall, yes, I would assume that it's for the world to see. Private mail or anything else left on the mantel piece or a table? not so much.
There's nothing confidential in my fridge or my dryer either frankly, but I wouldn't expect visitors to pock their nose in there either.

I have loads of paper on a peg board in the kitchen thinking about it, they are for family member to find easily, not for visitors to go through! What an odd way to treat someone else private home.

Same people that snoop in your bathroom cabinet.

But they private messages written from one person to another. DP and I often write some longer bits in our cards and we refer to funny in jokes.

How it what is written inside anyone else's business. Look at the outside fine, but why read the personal message?

Actually yes, if someone left a photo album on the coffee table I would look at it, I leave one on our coffee table expecting people to have a peak if they want to!

I wouldn’t look at a photo album on someone’s coffee table unless invited to do so. Similarly in my own home I expect to be able to leave personal things out without people looking at them unless invited.

Wow, that is just so rude and intrusive - particularly to carry on reading when there's a personal message.

It's a card addressed to someone else, not a gossip column.