To think this was abit off?

[CandyCreeper]

For months I told my sister I wanted to stay at mine for christmas. I was happy to spend it alone with just me and the my children. Sister kept asking to spend it together, even asked if she could take my kids for
part of the day if I didnt want to
come
which I refused .

She went on and on and in the end I agreed but I prefer
to stay at home because christmas
for me is chilling out, relaxing, not running around after children whichI explained to her I dont like doing on xmas day which is why I prefer to stay at home.

On the day I felt she was abit off but thought maybe I was over thinking it. I was exhausted as a
lone parent to 4. I was running around all xmas eve getting last minute bits. Well I noticed I didnt hear anything from her yesterday. Today I get a nasty message saying how “awful” I behaved?! because I didnt help cook and clean enough?! I did tidy up chopped some veg, and washed the dishes inbetween looking after
my 18 month old but
apparently that wasnt enough and my behaviour was “awful.” aibu to think this was abit rude of her? I didnt want to go to hers I wanted to spend it
at mine im really not exaggerating when I say she went on and on about
spending it together. Now its apparently because she “felt sorry for me”

I suppose it depends on whether she went to a lot of trouble catering for an extra 5 people. If she just chucked some ready meals in the oven for you and she's got a dishwasher, then I guess there wasn't a lot for you to help with. If she cooked a full Christmas dinner and you were sat doing nothing and not helping I can understand that she would be pissed off. I can't understand how you can say you've got 4 children but don't want to spend Christmas rushing round after them. Surely with 4 children you don't get much peace any time yet alone Christmas when they're all hyped up. She probably won't invite you next year, but if she does you'll have to be really clear how little you intend to do and check with her that that would be acceptable. To be honest if I'd invited someone and they didn't help much, I'd be a bit fed up too.

I help, I washed the dishes, peeled some veg and did a tidy, aswell as trying to watch 4. I told her I didnt want to come and wanted to spend it at home. Where I can relax. Im not that uptight about mess though. I just didnt help “enough” apparently.

From now on you spend Christmas at your own house and don't let her bully you into going to hers.

She badgered you until you gave in despite trying to tell her you wanted to stay at home, and then moaned at you... I'd tell her to sod off frankly.
Next time she summons invites you, tell her no and cite this example.

I think shes completely exaggerating it! apprarently I should “be ashamed” ?! wow shes just fat shamed me?! apparently if i moved abit more i would lose some weight?! im done!

She should have been honest from the start if she needed extra help. I think catering for an extra 5 people could be stressful. Personally I would offer to help.

Was she looking after the DC too, when my Dsis visits weekly she uses the time to fully relax, it can be annoying for me, now I just tell her to make the tea and clear up after her DC. She hasn't got the clearing up bit yet, to add her own home is immaculate so she enjoys letting her DC play at my home instead.

At least you won't have to go next year

No she wasnt looking after them. She was doing the cooking. Anyway im done with her after the weight comment anyway.

Definitely wont be going next year!

Does she always try to get her own way then act like a martyr? She sounds like hard work.

Say it to her "Mary, I had a pain in my face from telling you I wanted to stay at home and do Christmas my way, but oh no you wanted it your way, so you got your way and now that's still not good enough for you and you have an issue with how I spent my Christmas, even though it is wasn't the way I wanted to spend my Christmas! I can't win! So tough, I don't care what you think, trust me i'll be at home next year so it won't be an issue"

The thing is the dinner was meant
to be at her friends house but the friend left it till the last minute so my sister took over. She said she would
come to mine which I said was
ok, but then she asked my neice and my neice she said would prefer it at my sisters, my sister said she would do it at hers then, but if neice and her son agreed to do
the cleaning. Her son spent
all christmas day in his bedroom with the
light off and didnt even have any dinner, I think she should be more concerned about that than me!

Good grief, your sister sounds like extremely hard work.

What's done is done, so just make 'mmm, whatever' noises at her re this year and next year, stick very firmly to your guns (you can, if you like, bring up your 'oh so terrible behaviour' as a reason why she won't be seeing you next Christmas).

Don't mind her. She is a rude dick, she seems in a foul mood and you're her target.
Ignore her comments if you can, I hope you enjoy the rest of the break.
I am staying home too next year, all rushing with the DC is not worth it.

I really think thats the case, that shes in a bad mood and taking it out on me. Surely just never invite the person again rather than send them a nasty message. Or say something at the time not two days later?