I've done something stupid

[Suchan1d10t]

Basically Ive been playing online slot machines.
Thought since we didn't overindulge at Christmas and have a quiet January I'd have a little flutter.
I've played in the past, sometimes won a few hundred, sometimes lost £30-40 and thought I'd have a go yesterday

Yeah you guessed it, I lost, then added more to my account, lost that etc etc. I'm such a dick I carried on today until I have nothing more I can spend and still stupidly think I could win if I had another go

I got paid on Friday and have spent it all. Everything
Have enough to pay rent/direct debit and that is it. nothing else, wasted it all

Why am I so stupid? I could have done so much with that money and just kept adding more and more waiting to win. I have a good job, I'm not stupid, not really, not normally, but wtf have I done this

I can't even bare to tell my husband, I've said this month will be tight, but then I spent more so we can literally do nothing but pay bills, and I know for some that's a luxury, and I should appreciate its not worse but why am I so dumb

Husbands birthday in Feb, and can't buy him a present/dinner, nothing

I hate myself

NHS on Gambling Addiction with helplines and various resources:

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gambling-addiction/

I think you need to confess to your husband and get help to make sure it doesn't happen again. Perhaps give your debit/credit card to DH and deal with cash only. You clearly shouldn't go near online gambling ever again as it's a real issue for you. Is there anything else going on or is this recent gambling issue an isolated problem?

Hey. Stop being upset with yourself. It was stupid but only a month’s worth of money. Some people rack up hundreds of thousands.

1 - get an overdraft sorted
2 - put credit cards in a drawer
3 - remove any gambling accounts you have totally
4 - forgive yourself and move on. Your husbands birthday is in February but you’re paid end of January so you can get him something then!

As above. You have an addiction and you need to treat it as such and do what you can to make sure you don’t dabble at all. Hope you get some help. Good luck.

Yes it was silly but it’s not the end of the world by a long way. Being pragmatic:

1. Unregister your gambling account online (and any others)
2. Do you have anything that can be sold (gumtree/fb/ebay) to get some extra cash in January? Think of it as a new year declutterimg exercise too.
3. Can you or your DH get any extra shifts/overtime in January?

I understand - those things are designed to lure you in, they make it easy to play and those little wins make you feel good so you keep playing - without realising how much you’re really spending. I signed up to a gambling website because of a specific offer on a sporting event, followed my way to the online slots and thought I’d have a go. Fuck me they are addictive. I added funds twice, won a bit, and then lost all of it but am still drawn to playing again. It just doesn’t feel like real money but that’s how you have to think of it. It freaked me out how quickly I could feel myself getting sucked into it.

So, you’re not stupid, they are designed to manipulate and make money for the gambling company. Please don’t beat yourself up - you’ve realised before it becomes a real problem. I know you’ll have a tough few weeks but it’s better to experience this now when you have a chance to stop it becoming a real problem.

Thank you all for being kind

I am office based and salaried so no chance of overtime but will try selling things online, do need to declutter

Husband too ill to work which is why I feel so bad spending our money

And true about them sucking you in/doesn't feel like real money, just feel a sucker for being pulled into it

But it's true, it could be worse, I will just have to tighten my belt this month and remember this thread and how crap I feel next time I am tempted

Ok, it’s happened now - there’s no point dwelling on it and you need to move forward.

As others have said, you need to acknowledge this is addictive behaviour and that you have the beginnings of a gambling problem. There are lots of resources that can help you.

I think you should tell your husband, he needs to know this has happened and he can help you move forward with it. Maybe you could ask him to change your passwords so you aren’t tempted to log back on. Also, he’s your husband - you can’t keep things like this from him. And you’ll need his support next time you want to use these sites.

So often people find out their spouses have wracked up thousands of debt due to gambling problems they’ve kept secret until it’s too big to hide. Don’t let your husband become one of them, take steps and help this - you can do it.

I would be so angry if I was your husband and I guarentee you, if you were posting that DH had done this rather than yourself you’d be told a million times to leave him!

They would have been brutal! None of this ‘It’s not his fault he just needs help’
I’ve literally read threads where the husband has done this and ‘Leave the bastard’ is an overwhelming response!

You’re posting in AIBU 🤔 so sorry- not sugar coating it for you!

🤔 it’s also shitty to blame the gambling sites. Unless you’re ‘vulnerable’ in some way - in which case you probably shouldn’t have unrestricted access to your wage, then it’s really not their fault is it? You’re a grown ass adult- it’s your responsibility.

If you have an issue it’s on you to get treatment, not on gambling sites to be less enticing!

You can get apps that block you from gambling sites online. I'd also contact gamblers anonymous and start going to meetings.

As others have said, sort out an overdraft and sell what you can to recover the losses. Is there any extra occasional or seasonal work you could do? Weekend shifts in a local pub etc? I know that;s not always possible but if you do it for three months just until the money is sorted, you will feel good about yourself.

And get to the root of why you did it in the first place. If you are stressed or overwhelmed at your OH's illness and being the responsible one, maybe you need some support.

Some bank accounts (I think Monzo does this) can automatically block all transactions to gambling sites - this could be a good option for the future? You've learned an expensive lesson but we all do silly things and at least your bills are covered

A few years back I did similar on Bingo sites. I convinced myself I wasn't addicted and a couple of half decent wins made me continue playing. I had to call up and disable my accounts in the end and if I wanted to play again I need to call up. I would do that tomorrow so the temptation isn't there on your next play day (I use to just plan on spending £10 but I always added more)

You are not alone, I've been stupid on online sites too. After losing a months wages in a few hours I always said never again, but then did it again (several times) losing lots more. So my advice is that it's not enough to just delete the gaming accounts but self exclude yourself from them all for at least 5 years so you won't be tempted. They all have that option on the sites usually found by clicking the 'problem gambling' tab.

Don’t hate yourself OP. Take care of yourself and protect your family’s future by seeking proper outside help for this behaviour. Enlist your husband’s support. If in doubt as to how bad things can get when people keep their gambling problem a secret from their spouse, read this article.

You can download blockers to stop yourself accessing the sites, and probably your bank can block the transactions too.

This is just a wake up call, gambling is just like any act of escapism, its an underlying addiction or compulsion. Instead of facing up to problems and feeling your emotions you act out. I recommend a book called The Mind Workout. It's actually for OCD but all addiction is a compulsion/obsession and I think it will help.

Account disabled /deleted and also blocked myself for 5 years which is longest I could select.
Tomorrow is a new day. Thank you all for talking sense into me and helping me realise that just because I have had a few decent wins in the past doesn't mean I can just log on expecting to win a few quid
If it was that simple then everyone would be a winner and the sites would be out of business
Thank you all again

you can self exclude from gambling sites, it works, main thing is to never gamble again, it's a slippery slope, I know.
the bookie always wins, remember that much.