To Throw Them Out, Don't think IABU, but need to prepare for the fallout .

[usefulChianti]

My first thread, been reading for years, but felt too fragile at times, so never posted here before.

Short background to this situation: I have lung problems, granulomas, sarcoidosis, at times breathing issues. Because of this I got rid of most chemical cleaning products, perfumes, etc.

Husband loves his microwave popcorn, and I have banned it when the windows in the house are closed (cold weather times). Chemicals in the microwave popcorn cause serious breathing issues. Google if you want to verify.

A new (for past few months) problem are his frozen breakfast potatoes. Hash browns, tater tots, etc. They are covered in fatty stuff and the fumes from these chemicals (?) are making my lungs seize. The odors don't stay in the kitchen, there is no place to escape. This morning I opened the kitchen window in the freezing cold temps.

About a week ago I bought him some hash browns which are not coated with whatever the factory puts on them, but he wouldn't eat them, they are not greasy enough for him. I ate them myself by adding the fat/oil/butter whatever at that time.

So, since I know that he won't consider my health in this and other issues, I threw out the bag of the worst potatoes and he won't realize until tomorrow morning that they are gone.

I know this was a rash move, but I have asked him several times to consider my difficulty and he doesn't give a crap. Well, that's all he gives. This is not a one-off response from him.

What I am asking for are some words to say when he starts yelling. His potatoes are more important, well, everything is more important than my request. He could have eaten the other potatoes, just too much work, I think.

Thanks for reading.

I too have lung problems. This is not about that. This is about your OH being a total twat. I also understand how they can undermine you over years and years and you almost lose yourself and begin to believe their shit about how crap you are. Time to move on and get your life back. I am still a work in progress (we were together 24 years) but I am working on it, and you can too. Good luck xxx

Could you get a popcorn maker and do it that way? You already found an alternative to the potatoes so he’s already lost that one.

I have a heart condition and recently a new fragrance I bought for my fragrance lamp caused me major palpitations and breathing problems to the extent I seriously considered calling an ambulance.

Told my ds and he threw the bottle away.

Seriously these things are non negotiable.

Get rid of the microwave?

I like the idea of the old refrozen tater tots. Maybe when he's throwing his guts up and running to the loo he might get the idea that this frozen fatty crap isn't good for anyone?
Sorry he's an arse OP you deserve better and someone to take care of you not make your life harder.
Do you have family or friends you could go to and just leave him?
Sounds bloody awful

@usefulChianti obviously he should be more considerate of your condition, but in lieu of that - do you have any kind of extractor fan in the kitchen?

We tend to use that in the winter rather than opening the windows and it takes the smells out just as easily.

Hope you manage to sort something out.

I have a bunch of airborn allergies and my family has had to make tons of adjustments for me. I compromise as much as I can, but if they didn’t adjust there is no way I could keep living with them. It isn’t a matter of my eyes being a bit itchy, it causes horrible problems.

He needs to deal with it. If you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe.

Purplecatshopaholic I am sorry to hear about your lung problems. Yes, they do grind us down to powder. Good that you are saving yourself and making a better life. ((Thank you and keep going.))

SummerGems Sorry to hear about your heart issues. The candles, air fresheners, incense, some coffees, and other strong odors clamp down my lungs too. Glad your son (?) tossed the fragrance out! Hope you keep well.

We have an air popper, but sometimes people are either too tired, lazy, or in a hurry and want it now. When the microwave conked out a couple of years ago, I said I didn't want/need another one, but he uses it to reheat his coffee, so that was that.

recklessruby and others, sorry lost track- He has a cast iron stomach. Really, he can eat, but won't eat most anything and no reaction. And, he'd recover and rebuy the tots. I agree with you, I do deserve better.

Stephisaur This kitchen does not have an extractor fan and to put one in I'd lose a cupboard and have to go through the attic and roof. I don't know why it was built that way. Anywhere else I've lived, there was always a fan. But, to do that instead of him giving up these potatoes would be a step too far and no reconciling from something like that.

Purpleartichoke Good to know that your family makes your needs met. We need to be comfortable in our homes. I've also compromised on lots of things.

Thanks for the replies, I apologize if leaving anyone missed.

I click on preview message and nothing shows. Help?

To let you know what happened this morning- He got up late and didn't start breakfast until gone noon, I'm five hours behind GB time.

He looked in the freezer, saw the tots missing, said nothing, pulled out the hash browns. Still no reaction. (He hasn't spoken to me all week.)

So, I opened the talk and asked him if he could cook them faster, less clouds of fumes way. Didn't say that, was less colorful.

Seeing that he was going to brush me off again, I asked him if he understood about my lung issues. He said he did. Then I used a form of the "oxygen is a necessity and these kinds of potatoes are not" line.

He asked me how to cook them (I'd told him many times before and a few moments before) but I told him again. Not sure if it sunk in.

At the end, I asked him if he was going to buy the potatoes again and he said, "No." I said "Thank you."

In between I reminded him about the bag of non-coated hash browns I'd bought him last week and he explained that he couldn't get them on his fork. I wanted to laugh but didn't. That's why he doesn't want the healthier potatoes, because they are too small to pierce, I said scoop or push them on with a knife or piece of toast.

His inability to eat hash browns trumped my lungs. I know that and will not forget.

So, that's where the eye of the potato saga ends. For now.

Thank you everyone, I had a good night's sleep knowing I had your replies and support.

Something as simple as how to eat a hash brown, it boggles the mind.

Just let you know some of the frustration I live with, I had to break his silence because he was on the phone trying to argue with the bin /trash collectors. He said they didn't pick up yesterday. They did and for the first time in 14 years they walked the bin up to the garage door.

I want six months by the sea, know any rentals?

Thank you again.

I'm glad you got somewhere with the potato situation. If I'm honest it sounds like he simply isn't really bothered about you or your relationship at all.
I hope you get your 6 months by the sea without your DH . You sound like a nice person

Thanks Sitting Around1, I look forward to finding a nice rental for next year. Hope it works for me.

all that and he could have just used a spoon to eat??? asshole

He can pop his own popcorn, much cheaper than the microwave stuff.

However, he's utterly selfish where your health is concerned. I'd be throwing him out along with his hash browns & the microwave.