Different names for grandparent-AIBU?

[JessieMcJessie]

My MIL is not from the U.K. When DD was born we asked her what she’d like to be known as. She said she’d like DD to call her by the word for Granny in her own language.

DH and his siblings were all raised in the UK, FIL is English and none of them speak MIL’s language.

DH’s sister has two kids who call MIL “Grandma”. MIL told us on the quiet that she now regrets not having asked to be called her own-language Grannie-equivalent name by them, but only came to realise that recently (they are 8 and 11).

DD is now a toddler and is saying the name really nicely now, but it turns out that SIL is actually really unhappy with the cousins using different names for the same person. She’s pissed off at her Mum, not us: I think that she feels it is some sort of favouritism thing.

AIBU to feel that SIL is over-thinking this? Is it not fairly common for different names to be used, for all sorts of reasons? My cousins called my Granny “Nana surname” and my brother and I called her “Granny first name”. I never gave it a second thought.

I am one of four. Each of our families call our parents by a different name. It’s not unusual.

Your SIL is being silly. Can't the older grandchildren call your MIL Granny-Grandmère or whatever it is? Lots of families have a Granny-Jackson and a Granny-Jones.

My dd calls my parents something different to what my brother's children do. Nobody minds.

When I was a kid my grandma was known as granny J, grandma J, grandma , nanny and grandma by her 6 grandkids. We all knew who each meant, she was totally ok with it.

My eldest made up a name for one of the grandparents when very tiny. It’s completely made up, not a recognisable grandparent Nickname. It stuck and siblings now use it too. No-one else in our extended family uses it but they all know that is how my lot refer to the grandparent. It’s no biggie.

I think it's up to MIL what her grandchildren call her.

Yep, SIL is over thinking.

I was with all my cousins yesterday, each family calls my grandparent by a different name. We've all survived...

I am one of four. Each of our families call our parents by a different name. It’s not unusual.

This

All my cousin's call our grandparents different names, and all their kids call their great grandparents different things, I've never even thought about it really

Hmmm is your MIL from a culture that sees the son's children differently? A little more important? This may be why your SIL is annoyed.

Unless this is part of a larger issue where Sil feels slighted by Mil I think she's making a mountain out of a molehill and it could all be quickly cleared up if she just asked either you or Mil about it.

My DC calls both sets of GPs a different name than the cousina on those sides. It really annoys me! I know it's U but still annoying.

Just out of interest, how does the different names thing happen?

Once it's decided with the first one, why does the next family change it? Isn't it up to the grandparent?

My cousins called my gran by a different name than my family did.
The eldest set of cousins wanted all us cousins (5 different families) to call her "their" but we each evolved our own.

Different names here too. It's a bit odd, because the cousins use the same name as our DCs use for their other grandparents, but we survive.

For the record, we feel like we did the right thing, as we asked the grandparents what they wanted to be called, and went with that...it's a bit of a shame that others didn't apply the same consideration (that's not me being mean, it's what GPs have said).

Also, my cousin and I chose another name for our grandmother, not what had been prescribed, and ended up calling both grandmothers the same. And we survived too.

BIL’s kids born first call MIL Grandma because he didn’t ask and that’s what all called her mum. We asked and she said she preferred “Grannie” with that spelling. BIL moaned that the kids would get confused but I argued “Why wehen they hear SIL call you by your first name and yet they still calm you Daddy?”

Sounds like SIL didn’t ask. She should gradually introduce the preferred name like an affectionate nickname and it will eventually takeover. It’s her own fault for not asking.

Yanbu. She is overthinking this. I like native language grandparents names, but hate made up ones. Worst one I heard recently was “Nanma”.

We’ve just had our first DC and (especially with baby brain!) it has been utterly draining trying to remember all the different names people want to be because apparently you can’t have more than one grandma/granny/nanny/grams/nanna/gran (3 of each due to divorces PLUS greatgrandparents on both sides!!!).

DD (first grandchild) uses a name for grandma from a different language (my grandparents mother tongue, and what we called my nan) DB hates that we have used this name and always refers to my mum as grandma when talking to DD and has said this is what his kids will (eventually) call mum.

We aren’t worried about it, I love that DD is in touch with our heritage ❤️

always refers to my mum as grandma when talking to DD and has said this is what his kids will (eventually) call mum.

What does your mum think?

Your SIL is being odd.

My brother’s children call our mum “Nanny X” and my sister’s children just call her “Nan” or “Nanny”

It’s fine and not at all weird. Don’t worry about it :)

Sil is being a crank. She has issues clearly.

My Mum is called two different names for grandmother and no one bats an eye. It's whatever is special for the child.

My Dad is called Grampus by his great grankids and Gandy by his other grandkids and Grandad by my little boy too.

Who cares?

My kids call their gp different names to their cousins. No biggie.

Only time I can see this being an issue is if cards etc get signed in the name your children use and not sil’s name...but I assume that hasn’t happened here and there is no other inherent favouritism going on?