to stop friends off-loading on me?

[cakedup]

With many of my good friends/family, there is a good balance of confiding and listening from each person. Sometimes I'll get a phone call and a long whinge and sometimes I'll see a friend and have a good old rant. So that's what friends are for.

However, I have two close friends, who I have known 20+ years where I feel that they off load, or dump all their problems on me, rather than confide. It's a thin, line and hard to explain. I think I've not addressed it before because I've always felt it's my duty as a friend to be a good listener and be there for them no matter what.

I feel that if I say something, it could damage a long term friendship. I love these friends and they love me back, they just don't know how else to be. We're all in our 40s, maybe it's too late too change?

Anyone else experienced this?

What would you say is the difference OP, between a friend confiding and one off loading?

Is it that with the second they're just talking at you instead have having a conversation with you?

SausageSimon yes. I also am trying to establish the difference myself hence writing this thread.

Both friends have form for being able to talk for HOURS about themselves and their dramatic situation - I just couldn't match that, I'd bore myself. And even though I've tried to be as supportive as possible, if I really do feel they are being unreasonable, and if I tactfully point towards it then I am shut down. My opinion is not wanted at all. I guess that's ok....sometimes we just want to be listened to? But I'm not a counsellor. I do have feelings and thoughts too.

Both also have from for finding someone else to offload if they've not manged to get hold of me. By the time I've got hold of them, one friend will happily off load onto me as well whereas the other one will be like "don't worry, I'm ok now. I spoke to such and such."