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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To throw away presents?

41 replies

Sausages18 · 26/12/2018 21:13

Visiting my partner’s family in Europe, travelling with a 2 year old. There are a lot of family and we brought presents from the UK for everyone - tried to find nice things that were still relatively small and light enough for us to travel out with. We maxed out our luggage allowance on the (budget) airline with our stuff, toddler stuff, and a bag of presents.

I am grateful that people spent time and money on gifts for us in return. Some lovely things! But the stuff we’ve been given is massive and heavy. For example a huge and rigid soft toy, a giant book that probably weighs 5kg and fills the bottom of a suitcase, a toiletries set in an enormous metal tin, huge thick bottomed glass jars of preserves.

The only way to get it all home is to pay for another suitcase on the plane AND probably hire a larger car for the next week as we are already stuffed to the gunnels.

AIBU to chuck most of the stuff away or give it to charity before we leave? And AIBU a massive bitch to be a bit annoyed that no one considered the practicalities of giving a family flying with a toddler such a massive load of stuff to carry?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 26/12/2018 21:15

Parcel it up and post it to yourself. The preserves might not work but the rest will be cheaper than lugging it home on a plane.

3boysandabump · 26/12/2018 21:15

Could you take half and ask them to post the rest over for you. It's not super expensive to post things to Europe I do it quite often.

xsahm · 26/12/2018 21:16

Could you look at the price of shipping it (seamail) as a box? It's not horrendously expensive and if you asked for the help of family to send it then it might politely be making the point that it's too much to take back? That way you could also say next time - you remember we had to ship stuff back last time, please could you make sure any gifts are small so we don't have to again?

MissCharleyP · 26/12/2018 21:20

I feel your pain! My relatives used to do this, despite me begging them not to. Not quite as bad but I had to get a train/tube/train to get back home and they’d always buy me stuff that was bulky/heavy: jumpers, dressing gowns etc. I’d look into posting/shipping it back.

concernedforthefuture · 26/12/2018 21:20

Price up a courier to send it back. To send stuff to mainland Europe from the UK is under £20 per 30kg so I can't imagine it would be horrific in reverse.

soulrider · 26/12/2018 21:22

I feel your pain. We should have just about enough room to take gifts home but will require careful packing and keeping fingers crossed that things remain in one piece.

I'd give away or 'lose' before the flight home if possible.

soulrider · 26/12/2018 21:23

It depends on the country, we're in Denmark and mailing things is really expensive

Ozgirl75 · 26/12/2018 21:26

I hear you. We’re in the UK from Australia - I asked so politely that grandparents would consider that we have to take everything home on the plane. We’ve been given a table football set (not full size but still 1/4 of a suitcase), a robo chameleon, a large electronic game, two large board games as well as about 20 books between the 4 of us, and the selection of candles, toiletries, smaller toys and games.

I know that we are so lucky to have people who want to spoil us and the kids but we have no idea how to get this all home.

Ozgirl75 · 26/12/2018 21:27

Actually seamailing it is a fab idea as it would arrive in a few months and they would have the fun of seeing things again.

SayNoToCarrots · 26/12/2018 21:27

Post it.

Kbear · 26/12/2018 21:28

take it to the charity shop and tell the family you posted it !

Original poster
Sausages18 · 26/12/2018 21:30

Thank you! Shipping things we would like to keep AND asking the family for help doing so is a tactful way to point out that we don’t have much space.

And for the rest... yep soulrider we will be ‘losing’ a bag somewhere en route I think.

It’s such a shame to be opening relatively expensive things that you know aren’t wanted or won’t get used. Any suggestions for how one broaches this kind of thing with extended family in general? You don’t want to assume people are going to give gifts, or be presumptuous, or rude... but i would love to be able to say something like ‘if you are going to give gifts, which we don’t expect, please could they be small - books or food particularly appreciated’

Who has had this conversation and made it work?

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 26/12/2018 21:31

Have a look on some of the uk courier sites (small independents)

They may be able to pick up an extra on a backloads and reduce the cost somewhat.

Sexnotgender · 26/12/2018 21:31

I understand your pain, gifts are lovely but seriously people need to think about you lugging stuff home.

When we were visiting friends and families overseas earlier this year one of them gave us a le creuset casserole, cast freaking iron Confused

TeacupDrama · 26/12/2018 21:32

put it in a large box and post it to yourselves will be much cheaper than a second suitcase a 20kg box with not be that much from anywhere in Europe will take 10 days plus to arrive, it will be freight across channel but will come on lorry van try website for parcel2go

Original poster
Sausages18 · 26/12/2018 21:33

ozgirl75 a table football set! Shock to take home from Australia! Eek.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 26/12/2018 21:35

It's ridiculous, my sister lives abroad and I nearly always give her jewellery as I know she will not be able to carry anything heavy back.

Original poster
Sausages18 · 26/12/2018 21:35

sexnotgender a cassoulet set! Shock

I’m actually a bit glad to hear it’s not just us - was starting to get paranoid they were doing it deliberately.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 26/12/2018 21:37

Yip, it’s beautiful but weighs an absolute tonne! We had to lug it back from South Africa.

caoraich · 26/12/2018 21:44

Parcel is very sensible

We drove over to Ireland before Christmas and had a similar problem. Small car, brand new baby plus baby things (big pram with bassinet etc) plus all our bags for the week. We really appreciated all the baby gifts people got but the sheer volume was overwhelming. MIL tried to give us a Moses basket and was really hurt when we said there was no room. She suggested buying a roof box for all our smaller luggage! We agreed to leave it there for when we next visit - are you frequent enough visitors that the bigger toys could be left "to play with at aunties house" etc?

Pomegranatemolasses · 26/12/2018 21:50

Do you even want these gifts? Why not donate to charity before you leave?

The idea of spending good money shipping this stuff would kill me. Most of us try to declutter from time to time - why add to the piles we all have taking up space in our homes?

Celeriacacaca · 26/12/2018 21:56

Reminds me of when we were given a heavy duty pottery wine cooler and matching pottery wine goblets- we were travelling back from NZ! They were given to a charity shop along with the tall thick glass spaghetti jar which didn't even fit in our suitcase...another relative gave us a huge ceramic dip plate with integrated bowl. People come up with some strange gift ideas...

Acopyofacopy · 26/12/2018 22:00

Do you have a main base where you are staying?
I would make a big drama out of the fact that you have to leave all of these beautiful gifts behind and how gutted you are, then let the people you are staying with spread the message.
It worked for us!

EffOrf · 26/12/2018 22:05

I think sometimes people just don’t think, DH wanted to get DS something big/heavy for Christmas and I said to him that I was sure that DS would not want to cart the item home on the coach he was going home on and that was within the UK, I would post what you want to keep OP and lose the rest to charity or whatever

Original poster
Sausages18 · 26/12/2018 22:07

We have been given some things that I wouldn’t want to pay to take home. Some stuff we would never use. This will be going to charity - if we can find a shop - we are a bit out of the way / remote, with not much time / ability to travel to find one. I hate the idea of chucking stuff but it might be the only option.

Half the family doesn’t speak to the other half, so we can’t rely on the ‘small gift’ message spreading organically.

Anyway in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a big problem to have. Although it’s clearly a common problem! Awful to think of so much money, time, plastic etc going to waste at this time of year.

OP posts: