New partner selfish or not

[petapiper887]

I have been with my new partner for 7 months and in all that time he has not once made me feel special when making love. He asks me to give him a bj, touch him intimately, practically brings the house down with cries of pleasure when I do, but he doesn't seem at all interested in pleasuring me. He will stroke my thighs, but doesn't seem to have a clue what else to do to turn me on or if not that, then he isn't interested in my physically I'm now beginning to think. He seems to think a tweak of the nipples and that's enough to satisfy me. I've asked him to turn me on by doing certain things but he doesn't seem terribly interested in doing what I've asked. The thing that worries me is the years he's spent on porn sites and asks me to do what he's seen women do to men on there. He's not had a relationship for the past 15 years when someone he was going out with ditched him after 12 years. I don't know much else about this and he doesn't want to talk about it. He is late 40s and I am late 30s. I know he loves me, he CAN be romantic but if things don't improve in the bedroom department soon I don't feel our relationship can last.

He sounds terribly selfish. It’s up got you to decide if you can live with it - I couldn’t. I’d tell him I was leaving if things didn’t improve.

Sounds like my ex, absolutely terrified of putting his hands or face near my vagina as if it might bite him. No way could I go back that again! Rather be celibate.

Why can’t you just tell him to go down on you, and if he was with one girl from aged 12-13 it’s possible he needs some pointers.

What are his good points? Can you think of any other than that he was available and there at the point that you wanted someone you could call your partner?

Sorry if the post is a bit near the knuckle. I've never ever come across this sort of thing before. I'm sure it's got a lot to do with the years of watching porn - I don't have a problem with men who watch it, a heck of a lot of men do, but he is so much about what I do to him. He can't last long without taking viagra either.... I'm sort of feeling this will all fizzle out sooner rather than later... I just wondered if anyone else had ever come across this....

Run for the hills. You are massively wasting your time.

You need to tell him all this in a way so he truly understands the repercussions of not listening (the relationship ending).

REANIMATED SGB Well we met each other on a dating site, he fell for me hook line and sinker, he withdrew from buying a house in the North and bought one near to me. No mortgage. I was flattered. He has asked me to marry him (I'm nowhere near prepared to do this) he is getting to come across a tad controlling ( sulks and goes quiet if I say I need space to do my own things some days and not see him24/7) but it's the bedroom thing I'm starting to get really unhappy and angry about. Tbh he doesn't seem to know what exactly to do or where to go to please me.

Do you know., the more I write on here the more stupid I'm beginning to sound. I must sound like a school kid. Maybe I'm answering my own post here...... 🙄

he’s in his late 40s and doesn’t know how to make you come? Fucksake, useless bugger.

Tell him.

But it sounds like he doesn’t actually care what you want. So he’s been single for 15 years?

What’s he like out of bed? Selfish or not?

Sounds like you need to tell him that his selfishness in bed is so bad that you will dump him if he doesn’t shape up and consider you too. Good luck!

He needs viagra in his 40s? Why?

After your update: controlling? Happy to move across the country after a short time? Hmmmmm.

Cut your losses and get out. His behaviour will only get worse

Agree with PP.
doesn't sound worth it.

Selfish. Doubt he will change.

I also suspect that improvement is unlikely. Between his age, the porn thing and the habit you’re already deep into. But if you want to be sure, and not looking back wondering then I’d pick a time outside of the bedroom and flag that A Serious Talk is imminent.

Say that you expect equal attention and orgasms, and that you’ve been waiting patiently for this to happen. That it hasn’t, and shows little sign of improvement. Ask why this is? Is it lack of confidence? Talent? Interest? Ask if it’s possible that watching porn has actually made him forget the difference between reality and fiction?

Give him a chance to think and respond (like until the end of the day, or the next day). Make it clear that you’ll wait for him to bring it up and deal with it, and that if he doesn’t you’ll consider that lack of response his answer and make your decisions based on it.

If he ramps up the effort (in discussing it, and doing it) then make sure it isn’t some half-hearted, short term strategy to get you off his back.

If he avoids either, then cut your losses and be clear why. No sex is better than being treated like a blow-up doll receptacle, in my view. And he’s unlikely to find modern women who agree to live this way, it’s not just you (and me, and MN!).

The sex thing is no way as bad as the control issues (IMO) but add them together and you need to get rid. ASAP.

Ick! Just how desperate are you not to be single? Surely not desperate enough to put up with a waste of oxygen like him.

Thank you all of you. He's very tight with his money too, very well off but never buys me anything romantic like flowers unless they're reduced lol. All this has made me really unhappy and still is, otherwise I'd not have posted on here. I'm finishing it today. X

Good luck xx

Good decision. You deserve to feel special and appreciated in and out of the bedroom. He sounds a bit weird and not worthy of you.

Yup, get rid and move on. And remember that being single is much, much better than being lumbered with an unsatisfactory man. If you date again, keep it casual for a few months (shag him whenever you and he feel like it, of course - that's the way to find out if you're compatible in bed) and, if it's more hassle than pleasure, get rid and move on again.