Brother’s lunch invitation

[TerracottaDream]

Knowing my mother-in-law was coming for Christmas and was eager to babysit my sister-in-law invited us over. I was shocked when it turned out to be a lunch invitation and was even more shocked when we arrived to find my niece and nephew were at home.
I mumbled something about how I would have brought the kids if I’d known to be immediately shot down by my brother and sister-in-law.
Apparently their kids behave impeccably when they’re on their own but misbehave when other kids are around and the whole afternoon would have been spent dealing with them.
My other brother died; he was ill but the end came unexpectedly. Family is important to me.
Would you be pissed off?

I would be annoyed and am surprised most people wouldn't, especialt as its christmas and your children are their family too. However this all could have been avoided with a bit of communication

Sil:" would you like to come for lunch on boxing day?"

OP" yes that would be lovely but i thought we were doing an evenig thing"

SIL: " no we thought lunch"

Op: " oh right, shall i bring the kids then?"

SIl" no the invitation is just for you"

OP:"oh I see what about dniece and dnephew?"

SiL: " they will be there"

OP:" sorry that doesn't work for us" ( or some other mumsnet favourite)

I think they find your kids hard work but didnt want to say that.

I can see where you are coming from - you were hoping for a child free evening out as you had someone to babysit. It turned into lunch but then there were kids there. So you feel like it was a bit wasted. I get it! I would feel the same as you.

TerracottaDream

Yes I'd be pissed off, think DB and SIL, need to teach the DC's how to behave around other kids. Does that mean from now on they are only going to invite you to events and not your DC?

I am upset that my kids weren’t invited to play with their cousins. I am not blaming my sister-in-law but her and my brother equally.

The only thing I would possibly be annoyed about is that you get to see their kids but when do they (brother/sil) get to see yours?

Where did you think their kids would be during the day though ? Did this not come up as part of the conversation ?

Am amazed at how many dilemmas there are on here which are like TV sitcoms where the whole premise depends on no-one having anything but the briefest conversation with no detail and then no-one pointing out the obvious!

Yes I agree it is strange. Maybe they think your children are hard work?

I think it's a bit strange that their children can't be in the same house as their cousins for one lunch but I don't think I'd be angered by it (perhaps concerned).

Just say no.

I also don’t see the problem. They didn’t want to invite children as they wanted a relaxed meal rather than children running around, making mess etc. I think you’re disappointed because you assumed the meal would be completely child free when really you should have clarified if it was important.
Look on the bright side, your mil got to spend quality time with her gc and you got a slightly relaxed meal - yes there were children there but not children you were responsible for.

I would be a little pissed off as they basically said their children are perfectly well behaved and yours bring them down to naughtiness.

Really what they probably meant was we can't find anyone to have them and we pray they will behave better without other children to bounce off of.

They could have found a nicer way to handle it, I'd be annoyed but get over it quite quickly.

Well the sil said they misbehave when other kids are around not just the ops. Quite understandable I think. When my kids have friends or cousins over that they don’t see a lot they become excitable and loud. Fine on a play date but not so good if you’re trying to have a relaxed family meal.
Or it is possible as a pp said that she finds the ops children a bit much but didn’t want to say. If the children tend to make a load of mess, be excessively noisy, don’t follow instructions, break things or are unkind to their cousins I would suspect that’s the reason. If not then I’d take it at face value that they just didn’t want their kids overexcited and spoiling the meal.