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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’ve been fucked over...

28 replies

Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 19:41

...and that I need to look for something new?

I’m fully prepared to be told that I’ve been daft, but I don’t think iabu. Quite complicated but will try to keep it brief.

Had a baby on 1st July. For around a year prior to mat leave, I had been really struggling with my manager (stepping on my toes, taking credit for my work, micromanaging etc), who coincidentally went off on mat leave 6 weeks before me. After she went it was like a weight was lifted. Fell back in love with my job, new COO was impressed with my work.

My team was under-resourced and struggled while I was away. My husband earns more than me, but works long and antisocial hours and we discussed doing shard parental leave, taking 4 months each.

When my baby was about 6 weeks old, I went in for a brief meeting with my COO, and raised the possibility of an early return with him. To say he jumped at the chance would be an understatement. He was effusive, talking about how excellent he thought I was at my job and how I was the life and soul of the team.

I explained to him about my previous difficulties with my manager and told him that in order to return early, I would need to feel like there was a solution to this, and that I would able to progress in my career. He said no problem, immediately granted a new job title and more responsibility and told to report directly to him. I also asked for a review of my salary, as my husband earns more than me and to return on my current salary would not be financially viable. He said yes immediately.

Some weeks went by and we had another couple of catch ups, agreed I would return at the beginning of Nov. During this time w I found out that our MD had taken seriously ill and would be out of the business for a while. I went in for a meeting at the end of September. And happened to mention to a colleague that I was excited to return in the new role, with a brief description of changes.

Two days later, I receive an email from COO stating that I have apparently been ‘going round’ boasting of a promotion along with a lot of details that are either embellished or entirely fabricated. That I have caused ‘ructions’. Opposite in tone to all our precious contact. Backtracking on a lot of what was promised.

He then evades my calls for 2 days, I am a nervous wreck. I send a long, detailed email complete with dates, details of exactly what I said and what was promised. Express concern and anxiety.

He emails back in a very conciliatory manner saying he’s ‘sure it will be fine’. I feel shaken and humiliated by the whole thing and want to move past it. Make an effort to be professional and act as normal.

I returned at the beginning of Nov. My new title has been referred to, but not pay rise, and still being treated like a junior. I’m working hard, making differences already and am being paid around £10k p/a below market rate for the now role. I have asked once about the pay rise but been fobbed off, promised a review in the NY. Things are generally ok but I do sometimes feel a couple of people are frosty with me.

I love the job, the subject matter and really like a lot of my colleagues. I want to stay. But I can’t afford to at my current salary and feel I’ve been taken for a mug.

AIBU to think I need to put my attachment to the job aside and look for something new?

OP posts:
Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 19:44

Sorry for all the typos 😩

OP posts:
lboogy · 26/12/2018 19:47

I don't think you should do yourself out of the job just yet. Start the role, push for the pay rise and if you don't get it then consider leaving. Also maybe taking the role as it is with no pay rise will give you the experience to start another role

It's a lesson to you to keep your cards close to your chest - which I'm sure you know now.

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 26/12/2018 19:48

Damage is done. Time to move on and learn from this experience.

IsThatYou · 26/12/2018 19:50

Start looking for other roles. Easier to look whilst you are still in a job.

Banana8080 · 26/12/2018 19:53

That’s such a shame, but always wise to keep promotions on the down low until confirmed in writing, especially as it can cause upset with other colleagues as everyone wants new titles, roles and pay rises. Management prob been inundated with “she’s getting x, x and x so why can’t I have y, y and y”. You’ve gone from being a solution to being a bit of a headache for management. Doesn’t sound insurmountable or really awful, but maybe take this on chin and learn a lesson.

Unless agreed in writing hard for you to enforce what was talked about.

Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 19:53

Oh believe me, I don’t discuss anything other than bake off with colleagues now!

And I wouldn’t have spoken at all if I hadn’t believed it to be common knowledge. Changes such as promotions etc have always just been left to filter out through teams in the past.

OP posts:
Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 19:56

I would also add that at no point was I told the info was under embargo and was even encouraged to change my job title on LinkedIn- so I really did think it was know in the office that I was returning in a new capacity.

OP posts:
purplemunkey · 26/12/2018 19:57

I'd love to hear the other side of this story. 'Micromanaging' could just be managing and 'taking credit' could just be taking credit for his/her teams work - both within the realms of being a line manager. Manager may well be a nightmare in reality but it's hard to tell from that description.

Also, asking for a pay rise as returning on current salary isn't viable sounds odd, a pay rise should be given on increased responsibility/performing at a higher level etc.

I wouldn't have mentioned anything about new roles to a colleague until I has it in writing and knew it had been communicated to the team.

As others have said, take it as a learning experience.

DeepanKrispanEven · 26/12/2018 20:02

Start looking for another job - it will give you an escape route and/or a bargaining tool.

And learn a lesson from this: should you have any similar meetings in future, take notes and write to the people you had the meeting with to confirm your understanding of what was agreed. Unless they backtrack immediately it makes it near-impossible for them to do so later.

Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 20:02

I don’t really want to go into a load of detail but I’ve never had any problems being managed before, I found my manager to be a really nice person but her management of me made me utterly miserable at work.

The salary review would have been based on an early return to work from leave, and a whole lot of additional responsibility.

OP posts:
Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 20:05

@deepan that’s exactly what u’ve Learnt from this. I do have notes from our meetings but they are brief and don’t go into specifics.

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 26/12/2018 20:09

Look you lost the COO’s trust by blabbing about the promotion. When you lose such a senior person’s trust it’s game over. C-Level managers don’t change their minds when the trust is gone. If there is another COO within the company (ie it is a big company) you should apply for a transfer asap. Otherwise start preparing to leave this company.

Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 20:11
Hmm
OP posts:
purplemunkey · 26/12/2018 20:11

Fair enough. Perhaps the COO had discussed things with you without having squared them off with HR & Finance and whathe you discussed wasn't actually possible.

Having mentioned it to your colleague would then make them look a bit silly and make it tricky to discuss different terms with you.

Oh well, look for something new.

Cuzcospoison · 26/12/2018 20:19

Seems the general consensus is to find something new, which I’ll start doing in the new year.

Just to be clear, I know that discussing with my colleague was a mistake, and if I’d thought the information was confidential I would have kept it to myself. I wasn’t showing off, just voicing my excitement at what I could contribute.

OP posts:
Jb291 · 26/12/2018 20:21

Start looking for another role OP. You can't trust either your COO or the people you work with. Sounds like some jealous gossipy individual you work with has heard about the expected promotion and payrise and has kicked up a stink about it.

Iflyaway · 26/12/2018 20:33

You should have asked for your boss all of it in writing when he said it. Keep it professional.

Sorry to hear you are being dicked about.

I sympathise cos I have that t-shirt.

eddielizzard · 26/12/2018 20:46

Well sounds like he didn't clear the promotion and pay rise. So really he hasn't handled this at all well. I would try for the pay rise, and if it's not forthcoming I'd start looking for other work.

poppiesallykatie · 27/12/2018 00:26

I think you spoke before people were told and now they are annoyed with you because you have made it more difficult for them to manage responses. If they offered you that much, you must be good at your job and should probably be hired elsewhere pretty quickly. I would try and move on. It sounds like quite a small firm?

PoutySprout · 27/12/2018 00:33

my husband earns more than me and to return on my current salary would not be financially viable.

I’m in HR. I don’t see what the hell your husband’s salary has to do with what your firm pays you?

How could it not be financially viable to return on what was presumably your salary prior to mat leave? You don’t ordinarily get a payrise for having a child. Hmm

GreenTulips · 27/12/2018 00:38

Everywhere I’ve worked new roles are advertised and people are encouraged to apply

The manager did follow that protocol

He just gave it to you.

He was wrong to do that and now others have probably complained.

Look for something else

BlackCatSleeping · 27/12/2018 01:02

It sounds like the COO was just agreeing to anything to get you back and then was left looking a bit foolish when it all didn't pan out.

Cuzcospoison · 27/12/2018 18:02

@poutysprout erm, because my husband is taking parental leave to look after the baby so we are losing out on his salary?

In any case, maybe I didn’t explain correctly - the request for a salary review was based on an added layer of responsibility (think, responsible for something which was previously outsourced to an agency at a cost of £80k/year). The fact that I need the money to meet our bottom line was mention in the OP for context, as an explanation as to why I asked immediately, rather than doing it on the same salary for ‘the experience’.

In any case, I totally accept that I didn’t handle things in the right way - speaking to my colleague was an honest mistake and it can be very hard to know what’s going on in the office when you are on maternity leave. I will chalk it up to experience and look for something new.

OP posts:
Cuzcospoison · 27/12/2018 18:05

@greentulips it is a small company and there’s nobody else there who would have been in a position to do the job, or who would have wanted it. It would have had to be either me or an external candidate.

OP posts:
PoutySprout · 27/12/2018 18:19

@poutysprout erm, because my husband is taking parental leave to look after the baby so we are losing out on his salary?

Even so, that’s not actually your employer’s problem, it’s yours!

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