AIBU to feel uncomfortable going to my boyfriends for the holiday?

[Whateverletmepost]

I think I’m totally over reacting. I was supposed to spend yesterday with my bf’s family, but ended up not going after he let slip that he’d told his mother in depth about recent blazing rows we’d been having. He tells his mom everything. This made me uncomfortable and I couldn’t bring myself to go down.

So that I didn’t spend the rest of the holidays alone, I said I might come down today. He was sweet as pie, saying no pressure, anytime you want to come down is fine. I still felt awkward but messaged him asking if I could come down today. He replied oh we didn’t realise you wanted to come down today, I’ll have to ask as we’ll have to rearrange things. He also said I could only come for a couple of days instead of the original five.

I know they have no obligation to have me. But the whole situation now feels as awkward as fuck and I’m torn between desperately not wanting to be a burden, and potentially be staying with a family who don’t like me, and also not wanting to spend the holidays alone.

I’ve also just quit nicotine, so I don’t trust my emotions.

Sorry typo you're NOT allowed!

Did he know you would be on your own again today/tonight? It sounds like you deserve better. Treat yourself tonight and do something that will make you feel better, film, glass of wine, pamper session etc

Dump dump dump! I've dumped a useless twat at Christmas before. It's bracing, I promise you

Op can you go home at all? And definitely LTB

Sounds like too much hard work for a relationship of a few months.
Although to be honest, if you take that out of the equation then if I’d invited you to stay, then you decided yes, then no, then you changed your mind again, I’d be prioritising the guests/events I’m already hosting or going too and would tell you when was more convenient to come over. I know that doesn’t sound nice but unless he was literally waiting for to to call, then you were messing him about.

Hey guys. Yes he did know I was on my own both yesterday and today. I’m orphaned. Lady who raised me died a couple of months ago. He’s now stopped replying to me as I said I didn’t know what time I’d come over tomorrow.

I’m too upset to even cry tbh. I was always afraid of being alone on the holidays and I guess that has materialised. I don’t think I’ve ever felt lower.

He sounds like a pompous prat, using the word privilege to describe staying at his parents house. And messing you about over the arrangements when he knows you’re alone - no, arsehole. Dump. And please let us know when you’ve done it

He's not worth the effort. Stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet, watch your favourite film, buy yourself your favourite chocolates have a lovely bath etc.

Sending you a hug and OP. I know it's a really difficult time of year because it seems like 'everyone' is having a lovely time with family and friends so anyone who is by themselves or just not feeling very happy can feel worse, but I promise you that better days will come. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after, because you are grieving, but they will come. And no one deserves to be with you who makes you feel bad - you should be 'grateful' for spending time with his family?! - he sounds like a right selfish tool. There is no loneliness quite like the alone you can feel when you're in a shitty relationship, honestly, 2019 couldn't get off to a better start than ditching some guy who makes you feel bad, there are far far better things out there for you.

I'm a student too, and alone today (recently dumped). It sucks at times, but better to have your own company and some time to yourself than be with someone so thoughtless and uncaring while you have to act grateful for their scraps of compassion.
Focus on starting the new year.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I have a feeling you will be experiencing this again though if you stay with this selfish mummy's boy. You deserve better and someone who feels it's a privilege to be around you. You have so much good ahead of you. He was just a bump in the road.

how dare I be upset when he is giving me the privilege of allowing me to stay in his family home at Christmas. He said he hopes I’ve realised how badly I’ve treated him by being upset

Please leave him. Or is this the future you want for yourself?

Of course not!

What a twat.
My advice is to fuck him off and find someone who won’t speak to you like shit. I hope you’re ok, it sounds like a hard time of year for you.

Great post @ScottyDog7

My sympathies OP.

I promise you, one day in the future you will be spending a Christmas surrounded by people who love you, and you'll look back on this time. You'll feel sad for your younger self, but you'll also recognise this as a time when you were learning valuable lessons about what you wanted and what you didn't want in your life. They will pay dividends later on. Good luck sweetheart.

It's early here, so I'll raise my coffee cup in your general direction and say stay strong! Merry Christmas!

The above also goes for @ScottyDog7 . Merry Christmas my dear.

Better to be alone, than to be with a total twat like him, onwards and upwards op.

wow he is an arsehole. After a just a few months together it should still be all fun and good times, not you feeling sad. So I say dump him.

Yes it will be hard being on your own for a bit but honestly you will get through it and have a better 2019.