Swearing at children

[retainertrainer]

Not really an aibu but I didn’t want to put it in chat. It’s abusive to swear at children isn’t it?

We’re just back from visiting BIL and he called his children fucking cunts-they’re 3,4 and 6 years old! He’d been drinking but it’s no excuse is it. I left with DD and DH tried to have a word with him about it.

How would you handle it? It’s a regular occurrence.

Does he have a partner? Could you speak to them?

It is abusive, but I don’t know if you can do much about it. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along soon.

To their faces?

It’s enormously abusive and really really horrible. Doesn’t anyone pull him up on it?

I swear a lot, too much but very very rarely at someone. That’s crossing a line for me. Never, ever, ever at a child, my own or not.

Poor wee souls, did they react?

I'd never go there again and I'd be honest about why.

Our DC have heard me swear occasionally, and I've mentioned that DS13's behaviour has been 'dickish' a few weeks ago (he really was being a bit of a dick) but yes, swearing like that at anyone is abusive let alone tiny children. Set out your rules way before next Christmas and tell your DH you won't be exposing your DC to that ever again.

I feel like crying after reading that.
Totally unacceptable and yes - abusive.
How did he react after you called him out on it? (good for you!)

If you are worried about chiodren, give the NSPCC a ring.

Awful behaviour but sadly common for a lot of children.

My exh swore at our dc. After our divorce the oldest chose not to see him. In time so did the rest.
Not seen him since their teen years.
Bout time someone told bil to his face he is a cunt imo.

It's not so much the swearing (although not ideal) but being aggressive and insulting towards his children that I would fine so abusive. I'm glad he's being called out on it - I think you need to continue to do this.

That’s disgusting. No excuse. I’m bad for swearing around children as in FFS just get your coat on but I’d never call them a fucking anything and never use the word cunt around them. That’s really shit parenting.

I wouldn't avoid visiting because those children deserve an adult who knows what is going on and who will advocate for them. I'd pull the little weasEl up every single time. No doubt it makes him feel ever so big and strong swearing at children.
Let them see that you consider his behaviour to be vile.

It’s breaking my heart, the children are beautiful and actually very well behaved, they haven’t started retaliating yet.

What will the impact of this be on them?

I go there very rarely, I tend to see the children when they’re at MIL’s house but we went today and I last about 20 minutes. I said ‘please don’t talk to them like that’ and he gave me a load of verbal so I just got my coat and left with DD. DH followed not long after.

I just don’t know how to help. I’m not close with SIL but I could try and talk to her about it.

BIL has always had a drink problem, he’s caused PIL nothing but trouble over the years. He swears constantly, he doesn’t even know he’s doing it but this is really crossing a line.

That's absolutely disgusting behaviour. I've called my toddler a knob before but never to his face, and I wouldn't dream of calling anyone a fucking cunt to their face. What a vile human.

That's vile and I'd report it. They might do a welfare check and find other things. Emotional/verbal abuse is usually the tip of the iceberg. Calling a small child a cunt is abusive.

I’m as confident as I can be that this isn’t the tip of an iceberg, MIL looks after the children a lot and there’s no signs of anything else going on.

The problem with me continuing to visit is that I’ve always got DD in tow and I refuse to have her around it. I’ll see them at MIL’s.

Thanks for the replies. Just needed to get it out really. I know there’s no real answer to it it’s just really upsetting.

Verbal abuse sticks op. My oldest ds has m
assive anger issues due to being around such a twat .

I just hope SIL comes to her senses and leaves the bastard although that will then leave elderly PIL dealing with the fallout.

He certainly sounds like someone to minimise contact with. 10/10 for voting with your feet - that's a fantastically positive reaction and brilliant demonstration to DD that you do not have to tolerate behaviour which makes you feel uncomfortable or disagree with.

He's a wanker

It'd be a call to NSPCC for me if I were you, it's abuse

I agree with calling NSPCC, they will be able to advise