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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your 'cheap' wedding tips

158 replies

InTheBirdBox · 26/12/2018 15:55

Me and DP have recently gotten engaged.

I hear that the average wedding costs around £17,000.00 which I just find incredible (and we have no where near that much to spend on one).

Does anyone have any tips on keeping down costs? Things that worked for you maybe?

I want it to be a nice day to share with family and friends but I'm not overly extravagant so I'm hoping I can easily do it for less!!

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 26/12/2018 22:14

We spent £2500 on our wedding all in. And that included all outfits, ceremony, three course wedding breakfast in a nice hotel and evening do.

It's so easy to do your own sweet table, we got sweet jars from b&m, bags and scoops from eBay and signs and sweets from local market.

We had fun props, wigs, inflatable guitars etc and selfie sticks instead of a photo booth.

I made all our table centrepieces and a friend with a printing business did our placecards, menus and invitations.

Call in favours! Ask around you friends who has a talent for craft, organising etc.

We have had 3 family weddings in 3 years including ours, ours was the cheapest by 10k and we've been told by various family members that ours was the most fun. It's not all about the money!

Enjoy your day and happy planning!! X

Silkei · 26/12/2018 22:17

Forgot to say, we had no cake, favours, reception decor or other non-essentials. You’re better off inviting lots of people and spending less per head though. More guests = More gifts. I invited 100 for a buffet and received over £1000 in cash which covered a quarter of my wedding budget, plus other gifts.

InTheBirdBox · 26/12/2018 22:17

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick

We would need a Marquee definitely. Field is directly accessed from the road with the house to the side. Toilet situation... We could use the house and there is an outdoor toilet already installed at PIL in the outbuilding in the field.

It is ideal, I can totally see where DP is coming from.

My only worries are:

Weather.
Cost of Marquee hire.
It's about a 2 and a half / 3 hour drive from where our friends and family are mostly all based.

OP posts:
redastherose · 26/12/2018 22:19

Definitely check out the Town Hall registry office near you. Some of them are plain and awful but I used to work for a Council and the registry office was in the beautiful old town hall with a double winged staircase and a beautiful oval panelled room with blue velvet chairs. They even had old Venetian marble exquisitely carved marble busts on the landings. It cost next to nothing and loads of brides had their wedding photos done there as well (the Council didn't charge anything extra for the surroundings either). Also, you could ask around for talented amateurs for things like the wedding cake and don't need to spend a fortune on a dress it's difficult to tell the difference between one that cost a couple of hundred compared to one that cost thousands and you won't care so much when you look at the bottom of it at the end of the day and it's filthy 😄

InTheBirdBox · 26/12/2018 22:19

I have told DP my thoughts are:

Later ceremony and straight to evening do meaning one meal only.

Or

Afternoon tea / something equally as 'light' for the ceremony guests and then buffet for evening.

I don't think I want to spend on a formal sit down meal whatever we do.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 26/12/2018 22:20

We didn’t have a formal sit down meal we had a bbq it worked great .

Beamur · 26/12/2018 22:21

We spent about £3K. Took 6 weeks.
Dress from Phase 8, did my own hair and makeup. No bouquets, no buttonholes. Registry office wedding, local venue for party. We paid for all the food and drinks. No wedding cars. Had a ceileig and disco (iPod over sound system). Loads of guests. Had a great time. No hotel, went home at the end of the party.

AnotherEmma · 26/12/2018 22:26

Get the venue right as the venue and catering are the most expensive bit (well, they should be!)

The best place for a reception is somewhere that is not a registered wedding ceremony venue (as they will be more expensive) but somewhere that is set up for catering, whether it's a restaurant, a church/community hall with a kitchen, or somewhere else. Think of it as a party rather than a wedding and you'll have more venue options.

If you go for a marquee you will need to organise and pay for the hire of the marquee but also heaters, posh portaloos, tables and chairs, dance floor, and mobile catering.

You don't have to spend a fortune on food and drink but there should be plenty of it.

I've been cold and hungry at a budget wedding - bride and groom were just stingy - and it was shit.

You can save money on the dress and flowers by making modest choices. Don't have unnecessary "extras" like favours.

But do spend money on a good photographer, personally I think it's worth every penny to have good quality photos to remember the day.

KnightlyMyMan · 26/12/2018 22:36

I’m not sure where you’re getting £17,000 from but I suspect it’s out of date. The Independant, puts the average UK wedding cost at £30K and I would say that’s about right!

I’m getting married next spring and I started out wanting to be ‘DIY’ and ‘thrifty’ but got VERY disheartened VERY quickly!

We were stuck because of the following;

  • We live in an awfully expensive area and due to elderly/unwell relatives can’t hold the event more than 1 hour away!
-We also have 60 day guests (without feeling important people are missing) and a few more we wanted for the night.
  • We don’t have much free time/ an army of friends/family to DIY!
  • Our natural style/preference is very traditional (e.g expensive)

There are LOTS of ways to cut costs;

  • Choosing unpopular week days
  • Not having a traditional ‘breakfast’
  • Opting for random venues
  • Cutting extras like flowers/entertainment/alcohol/bridal party/ photographer!
  • Generally going for a ‘low key -village fate’ style!

The one thing I’ve taken away from ALL of the planning I’ve done is that you really get what you pay for (well you get about 2/3 of what you pay for 🙄)

poglets · 26/12/2018 22:40

I did my own flowers and bought them wholesale at the market. I was so pleased with them because I am a fussy fucker.. Some of the flowers from my bouquet were dried and put in a frame after.

I didn't have a wedding dress as we married in a registry office and didn't want one. I got a lovely suit in the Reiss sale. I have worn it since. I did my own hair and make up. It was fine for me.

We designed and printed our own wedding invites and information for guests using the print shop rather than a wedding printer.

We bought a lovely non wedding cake and saved a fortune. We didn't say it was for our wedding. Blush

We only invited people we really wanted to share our day. Our budget went much further then. Our food was wonderful. Didn't waste money on wedding favours and things people don't remember.

Shop around for wedding bands.

We had a brilliant lunch with all the drinks and food we wanted and then left to go on honeymoon. Our two black cabs ended up being free for me and my husband ( a very cool thing that Hackney cabs do for newlyweds. It was just fantastic.

Wouldn't change a thing.

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 26/12/2018 22:48

If you're doing it in rural Wales 3 hours from where most guests live I'd think very carefully about doing it any day other than Saturday or possibly Friday, unless most of the people you know are barbers or something. It does make it cheaper but it would make it harder for people to get there when it's already a difficult sounding journey. It might be impossible for some.

graphista · 26/12/2018 22:51

I used to work in the industry so will advise based on that and my own wedding - but both over a decade ago so some info may no longer apply.

Depending where you are usually - get married in Scotland. You can literally marry anywhere!

There are some stunning venues including beaches, small islands, castles (not necessarily expensive)

www.visitscotland.com/accommodation/wedding-venues/castles/

"Gretna green :)" although not this - not cheap, booked WAY in advance, over commercialised now.

Or consider venues like church or village halls - which are often cheap to hire, can be very plain decor but it's very easy & cheap to dress them up - balloons, paper decorations, coloured tablecloths etc. They also don't insist you use their caterers, their dj, their fancy chairs (with extra hire costs!) etc

This is what we did, the planning time coincided with a big calendar event which meant as soon as the event was over I was able to snap up loads of decorations for pennies!

Don't assume a dress from a boutique will be expensive - actually if you shop between now & Easter there can be real bargains to be had because they're getting rid of stock (including samples which are heavily reduced mine was an ex sample dress and I paid £300 for a £3000 dress) to make room for the new season BUT do NOT skimp on the seamstress! If you're having a traditional gown the styles and fabrics are often not ones that regular high street seamstresses are used to handling. I've had to calm brides who took £10k silk gowns to the woman on the high street who mainly does hems on school uniforms and zip replacements - and then they wonder why their dress is ruined!

"Don't buy your dress from China to save money, it's a false economy as even if it's not rubbish it will probably need to be altered" if cautious and follow recommendations from trusted people this can be OK - it's where many boutiques get their gowns from! And almost all dresses need alteration anyway especially as they're usually made based on a bridal height of 5' 10" as you can shorten a full length gown but you can't add length. Brides taller than 5' 10" usually need to order bespoke.

Equally you could think outside the box and get a maxi dress, go fifties/sixties shorter style, as I mentioned on a recent thread I've seen all sorts inc brides in tuxes and various costumes.

Shoes & accessories - frankly online is best but get recommendations and read reviews closely. Certainly you don't have to go to specific bridal retailers, pale coloured shoes are available almost year round now, tiaras, sparkly jewellery easily found in places like accessorize, Claire's, dept stores even good street markets.

Hair & makeup - you don't have to have a fancy hairdo or MUA, absolutely nothing wrong with doing your own and you actually might feel and look more like yourself if you do.

Depending on venue consider "self catering" - in quotes as you may still use a professional caterer but just not a "wedding" one - do something a bit different, a picnic, retro (cheese & pineapple hedgehogs, sausage rolls, vol au vents), cream tea, BBQ - all kinds of options - we had a hot buffet which at the time was seen as "casual" even though the food was high end (we had a LOT of different dietary requirements & allergies etc to accommodate, this was SO much easier than trying to find even 2 served options that would work). If you'll be marrying 2019, then consider stocking up now on party food and freezing (maybe friends & family can store too?) you could even do "pot luck" where everyone brings a dish (but co-ordinate so you don't end up with a glut of potato salad & dips).

Use a "normal" baker for the cake - it doesn't have to be fancy, you could even go completely removed from tradition and have a cheese "cake" (tiers of various cheeses), or a croquembouche, or a gingerbread house - all things I've seen. One friend who was having a goth style wedding ordered a dark purple "birthday" cake (but asked for no writing) and got gothic topper online. Sadly often as soon as "wedding" is mentioned prices can get stupid!

Flowers - again high street florists are usually more than capable of a few buttonholes and a hand tied bouquet. You don't need to get buttonholes for all guests and bridesmaids don't have to have bouquets either, they could carry a single flower with a ribbon tied round (easy enough to do yourself) or have nice but cheap little bags, or indeed nothing. You don't even need a bridal party.

Entertainment - ask around, not only will you likely save money you'll get someone recommended. I've also known weddings where it's simply been a case of hooking up a playlist to a load of speakers or karaoke so the guests provided the entertainment.

Photography - I would say don't skimp on this as its the only permanent part of it all (aside from the marriage of course) BUT you can shop around to get the best deal but always check their portfolio, choose someone you're comfortable with - they're going to be getting up close and personal at points and you need to feel you can trust them. We had someone new to the profession but who was recommended by a relative who was still building their portfolio, they gave us a slight discount based on us allowing our pics to be used for publicity (slightly themed wedding plus we wanted a couple of unusual shots which he was happy to do but wanted to use them to show how flexible he was).

If you have creative friends & family their gift to you (if they're willing and you don't pressure them) can be a contribution to the event. I was lucky one friend made the flower girls dress, another made the headbands for all the bridesmaids, another did the stationery inc place cards, I made the favours myself (you don't have to have favours - I did tablet which not only got scoffed but motivated many English people to start making). I've known/been involved in weddings where people who were close to the bride and groom have done all sorts inc a 4 tier cake (b&g covered cost of ingredients, baker was happy to give time for free, b&g made sure to do a lovely FB post after with pic of cake and link to bakers work FB page, I believe baker got at least 4 further jobs out of this), a friend her aunt made her veil (she was a hobby lacemaker), another her sister made her jewellery inc the rings so they were bespoke and themed.

Hen/stag - in my day (yes I'm old! 46! 😂) you didn't basically go on holiday of a lifetime for this! That's ridiculous and usually means someone you'd really like there can't make it. We basically just did meal + pub crawl, my grans came on mine and one got completely tipsy and started telling all kinds of secrets (funny not sad or concerning in any way, like she knew which of her kids it was that broke the telly that time), she also surprised us all by knowing not only the words but the dance moves to the then no1! Going to maga with my other 20-something friends wouldn't have been nearly as much fun, nor as moving.

I've just remembered someone I know had a 70's wedding with a maxi dress, hair loose, groom in flares, village hall done up 70's party style, babycham for the toasts! (Which people loved!), 70's food & music. Was fab!

Your fiancés field idea is romantic but not really realistic. Iirc there was a post last summer by an mner who attended a wedding where the couple held the reception in a field - but the couple hadn't taken into account:

Access (was a long way from nearest road) & guests were expected to BYO food and drink - bottles of drink are bloody heavy!
Plus some of the guests were mobility wise disabled! People who need crutches/walking frames on a flat surface aren't going to manage an uneven muddy field 2 miles from the nearest road!
Adequate provision of toilets/handwashing facilities.

There were no baby changing facilities

He's also almost volunteering his mum without considering how much of an undertaking cooking/prepping food for 50 people is! Does he cook much?

"Toilet situation... We could use the house and there is an outdoor toilet already installed at PIL in the outbuilding in the field." That's nowhere near enough for 50 people! They'll get blocked!

AlpacaLypse · 26/12/2018 22:55

When talking to suppliers for anything just say it's for a party. Every quote seems to double the moment they hear the 'W' word.

IHeartMarmiteToast · 26/12/2018 23:05

One tiny one is..
We asked the church if any one else was getting married the Same day. I got their number and asked if they wanted to share flowers. Turned out she was having pink gerberas and I was having red. So i ordered a display with both and she sent.me half!

importantkath · 26/12/2018 23:11

Rain would not spoil an outdoor do. Lack of booze would though. People can cope with anything then there is love and happiness in the air, and a bit of booze in their veins.

I recently fed 130 people with a jacket potato bar for £120. It was amazing. We wrapped in foil and oven cooked the jacket potatoes, then froze before the big day. Made meat and veggie chilli, popped in the freezer. On the day put the toppings in slow cookers - baked beans, the chillis and a massive pile of grated cheddar out. Heat the potatoes (oven for 30 mins or in a dying down bbq). It was gluten free, vegan and vegetarian and also satisfied the carnivores, easy to make, prepare and cheap!!!! I offered people a welcome glass of prosecco and then asked people to bring the booze. (I bought soft drinks from Lidl)

We put an iPod next to speakers and after 9, when everyone was well served and food/speeches had finished, we all took turns in choosing music and dancing. It went on until 5am. Brilliant night.

Also, do your own makeup. No favours.

Clevs · 26/12/2018 23:22

I've not read the thread so not sure if someone has suggested it but get married on a weekday out of season (Oct-April). You'll get some people that don't attend because they 'can't get time off work' etc but if they really want to be there they will, especially with plenty of notice.

I wanted a summer wedding but our venue was quite expensive especially at the weekend so we had a Monday wedding. We had a few that couldn't attend but the main problem was people leaving early as they had work the next day. So in hindsight we should have had a Saturday wedding out of season.

champagneplanet · 26/12/2018 23:23

Shave down the guest list, invite the people who matter and will still matter in 10 years

Make your own stationery if you can, simple is classy (eg: invites, place cards, order of service)

Use ebay/amazon for the where you can (I got my favours, veil, tiara, dress hoop, bridesmaids hair slides, jewellery, bags & shoes, flower girl dress)

Spend your money on things that matter to you for you day and it will be money well spent. Don't worry too much about what others think.

Mammyloveswine · 26/12/2018 23:32

We got married on a Sunday in late December... the church was full of flowers so thay saved a bit!

I also went to the caterers with my budget and they sorted a beautiful bespoke menu which they added to on the day as they had seasonal produce left. It was delicious and a third of the price!

I also bought my dress in a sample sale, my veil off Facebook... and my bridesmaid dresses off eBay

Mammyloveswine · 26/12/2018 23:34

@clevs I'm a teacher so would struggle to get time off for a midweek wedding in term.time but what a great time for the summer! A Friday would be grear as would mean a long weekend for guests

Picknickers · 26/12/2018 23:39

My brother got married 3 years ago October 2nd. As it was considered just out of season he got onsite chapel, sit down meal for 30, disco, bridal suite, room for elderly relative and evening buffet for £3000. It was brilliant. He got married in Notts. DM me if you'd like more details.

graphista · 26/12/2018 23:48

"Shave down the guest list, invite the people who matter and will still matter in 10 years" that made me laugh I made friends that day with people I'm still friends with over 20 years later (inc guests of the grooms), the marriage didn't even quite make it to 10 years!

LFH1990 · 26/12/2018 23:53

We had a rule not to get hung up on anything that wouldn’t last beyond the day, so we didn’t scrimp on the rings or photographer, but weren’t so bothered by flowers etc.

I found that local hotels/ golf clubs had reasonable prices, but that places where you had to pay for the venue/tables/linens/crockery/glassware etc individually ended up really expensive once you’d included everything.

Don’t worry about thinking what you need to do to please everyone else, just make choices that suit you and your fiancé.

I bought bridesmaid dresses from ASOS and we all did our own hair and makeup together on the morning of the wedding.

Congratulations on your recent engagement and just have fun planning your day, it is totally possible to do it without the huge price tag!

InTheBirdBox · 27/12/2018 08:36

Thank you all so much xx

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 27/12/2018 09:51

@InTheBirdBox we've booked our wedding for next October and are paying £6000 for 70 days guests and an extra 50-60 for the night. Included is food (3 courses in the day, big buffet at night), room decorations, 2 glasses of wine for everyone, fizz for toasts, DJ, the ceremony licence, and bridal suite for 2 nights. That might seem a huge amount to some, but we need to get married on a Saturday (close friends are teachers) and I haven't got the time or expertise to sort out food / decorations for an empty village hall.

Don't give yourself too much work, as you want to enjoy the lead up to getting married and the day itself Smile

Mbear · 27/12/2018 10:02

We did 2 events for our wedding - got married on a thurs, followed by a meal for 14 people. Then we did a sat evening party for about 90 people by hiring a local hall, buffet food from Waitrose and we asked about 12 guests to bring desserts, so a pudding buffet as well! We did do a free bar - but by putting an extra bottle of wine/beer in our weekly shopping for a couple of months. We bought cheap IKEA vases and used tulips in them and celebration sweets on the tables and guests could take them at the end if they wanted (we didn’t do favours). No bridesmaids or groomsmen. We did have a cake made though. Homemade invites and an iPod playlist, so no DJ. No photographer either.
I think you need to be guided by what like and what you want to look back on. We aren’t big on family photos out, so what friends could do was fine. People made an effort and spent money to come so we wanted to feed and water them, so we did our own bar. Nobody cared they didn’t come to the ceremony and the music wasn’t too loud so everyone could chat and catch up (I am sooooo old!).
Nobody drinks as much as you think and even with a buffet style it helped to have a seating plan with that many people. But we don’t have a top table and DH and I mingled the whole time. Think it was just under £6k spent but that included a dress I had made.