I want the New Year to be a happy one for my DS and us...pls help me to be positive!

[Livingtothefull]

I am feeling a little weird & stressed at the moment....is it normal to feel like this at Christmas?

We have had quite a difficult year, have dealt with quite a few issues which I won't go into now but involve legal processes to sort out DS future in line with his special needs.....we had a place arranged for him at a special needs college but the LA was unwilling to pay for it. In the end we agreed a compromise so (thank God!) didnt have to take it to Court.

I had a fixed term work contract which is coming to an end so will have to look for something else in the New Year.

We had a lovely day yesterday together with extended family....I think though that DS (who has severe physical and learning difficulties) was over excited by the whole thing, also he hasn't been sleeping well because he has been looking forward to Christmas so much.

He had a seizure this morning, he is susceptible to these occasionally & I am sure the excitement of Christmas brought it on. He is OK now but we have decided to have a quiet Boxing Day at home with him.

I am apprehensive about what the New Year will bring.....especially re the Brexit situation and what it will mean for us all. I am not going to get into the rights & wrongs of Brexit here, but to me it just seems to be a huge distraction from all the things that are desperately wrong in our country. The way DS was treated and by extension, other disabled people who are told that as a country we 'can't afford' to ensure that their needs are met and that they have a good quality of life. How is that acceptable, in one of the richest countries in the world?

Every day when I was going to worked, I walked past approx half a dozen people sleeping rough. How is that acceptable?

I need to find a job in the New Year so will need to put my positive, enthusiastic and motivated face forward. Please could you wish me luck with that.

I sincerely wish all of you the very best for the New Year 2019.

I didn't think I had any more to say here BUT....I always have more to say. I am the kind of person that nobody knows how to relate to, that's why nobody responded to me here. If I were more likeable, more relatable-to, things would be different. But my life is off the scale abnormal and strange so nobody knows what to say to me.

(Living metaphorically puts her head in her hands - whatever - and tries to pretend that the hysterical scream is coming from elsewhere other than her. Living tries to let the anguish 'just do its thing - it's nothing to do with me'.)

I have to see members of my family tomorrow, we don't know what to say to each other. But we have private traumas to deal with (all of us, not just me - but speaking for myself, how I wish I had less trauma)).

Here are mine for the time being:- my dear DS has been hard to cope with today. He has:

Watched his iPad and turned up to full volume, I have asked him so often to keep it down. Does he? (No: he doesn't do quiet);

Threatened to call emergency services, and actually done so (although fortunately I cut him off before it could turn into a great waste of their time);

Kept rushing to the dishwasher (he shuffles there on his bottom, he can't walk) to mess around with the controls. Trying to turn the dishwasher on again. Whereas I just want things like the washing of dishes to be done with minimum interference, with the minimum of drama.

Disappeared down the hospital corridor several times, so I had to go running after him and get him back each time; As I had to take my DS to hospital today and agreed a way forward in the light of the seizures he has had. Despite numerous cutbacks in his services,I wanted to check that essential services are in place for him given that I don't know how long I can keep doing this.

It may not sound like much - but I have been dealing with this since DS was little & I will deal with his forever. I am tired. I would (should?) be suicidal but it is my job to ensure the right thing is done by my DS and I will never leave him.

I came home and I panicked: 'I can't keep doing this!' And then I thought I had misheard myself as I said: 'You have to do, this, it is non negotiable'. I don't know how I keep going.

Heya.
Today was a bit difficult because of my youngest.
Luckily the guests we had over tonight have a four year old with the same sort of issues so they're OK with it.
But some of the things she does are so embarrassing.
I call myself a Marmite person because a lot of people won't like me and can really hate me, but the few very decent types who bother to look under my surface (which is complicated and full of issues) are worth it.
I'm sure you're lovely, don't feel down about yourself, you don't have a straight forward life.