To feel a bit hurt despite saying it doesn't matter

[necromumda]

Yes, this is a Christmas gift one.
I have no-one to speak to about this so just have to get it out. Apologies.

I tend to "do" the entire Christmas - all of the gifts, food, cooking. I am happy with this arrangement and enjoy it, for context, but as you would know this is a big task.
DH and I keep gifts to each other quite minimal and at a £10-£20 budget for gifts to each other to keep things simple.
This year, I bought him a dressing gown, giant parma violets and a book he was after. Not much but bought with thought, wrapped and given from under the tree in the morning.
I had nothing. Not a single thing.

Then, at around 7 pm, he went out to his car and came back with an unwrapped pound shop backscratcher and handed it to one of the kids to give to me ( we were in bed watching movies). He apparently forgot it was in the glove box.

Now, I have always said it's not the gifts that count but AIBU to feel quite hurt and underappreciated? He has had plenty of time.

YANBU and he was very thoughtless, so yes you should tell him and let him know how you feel ... it may not change anything but you need to get it off your chest

I would have been upset on Christmas Day and told him. Not in a bad way, just in a 'really, is that my present?' way.

Just be honest and set about solving it in time for your birthday!

I applaud you for wanting to set the present-buying budget low (it is the thought that counts and things can get out of hand if not careful) - but no present at all is piss-poor behaviour.
YADNBU.

That's the sort of thing my Ex would have done - that's one of the reasons he's my Ex.....

I know where you are coming from. Just been sobbing in kitchen due to his lack of thought over my present. I don’t want an expensive gift just a gift that looks like he has thought of me. Its the lack of care that upsets me.

That is a bit shit, OP, I got given a backscratcher from a friend - which is fine - that is the type of person this gift suits.

DW and I expressly agreed not to buy anything - and that is fine - it is what we both wanted to do.

Otherwise - piss poor behaviour.

Wow. I'd be furious with my dh if he did this.

I’ve had moderate success with handing back a thoughtless gift, when DH was going through a phase of not putting in the effort....and actually and reminding them they’ve had a whole year to think of and obtain a thoughtful one.

Properly hurtful.

I would be gutted. It's not a hard task is it :(

Op is he the same with birthdays too?

My hubby is rubbish with pressies so I usually give him some ideas for me.

Is this years bad present a one off? if so I’d probably let it slip. If not On his next birthday or Xmas I would then buy a backscratcher for him to see how he likes it too.

If I'm honest, it's not even the backscratcher I have a problem with. I have been using it :)
Its the fact it wasn't wrapped and under the tree for the morning but rather an afterthought.

Will it fit up his arse? That's where one of those would go if I did something like that.

I would place it where the sun don't shine but it was my sole Christmas present this year so would probably miss it. If there were a replacement in hand, however................

This is a great anecdote to share among family and mutual friends. They will take the piss out of him for that. He will make more effort out of embarrassment in future.

How long have you been together? Has he do e this before?

If he usually does buy and wrap you something, just tell him you're pissed off and expect a sincere apology.

If you're a new couple or this is normal behaviour, he needs a massive talking to about respect and a commitment it will never be like this again.

Thoughtless douche of a man. Have you spoken to him yet?

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome I'm entirely in agreement with your suggestion.

@necromumda if it makes you feel better.......
one year I was given rubber gloves as a joke. I said nothing but quietly went and removed the fuse from the dishwasher plug during the kids present unwrapping frenzy.
I cooked Christmas dinner, using every single pot, pan and utensil. The kitchen was a wreck. Cue him "sorting" the kitchen, after dinner. I sat and watched him load the dishwasher, cocky as fuck and then go to turn it on. Nada. Too tipsy to do much other than plug and unplug. "Oh dear" I said. What a stroke of luck you bought these for me isn't it.", whilst tossing them in his direction. Made myself a gin and tonic in the only remaining glass and left him to washing up Armageddon.
About two hours later he staggered, blotchy and sweating from the kitchen. I quietly went in and put the fuse back in. Turned dishwasher on, and remarked he mustn't have checked properly.

He was itching to say something, but had the sense not to.
Next year I received jewellery and a five star weekend away.

Sometimes they need educating

Happy Christmas, and he can bog off.

Nice one @eatmycheese

Stroke of genius @eatmycheese
Will try to be inspired next time I'm confronted with similar behaviour.
They do need educating not to think of just themselves.
And completely agree with you @necromumda that it's not a pretty sight at all when posters pile in with the 'it's all your fault' finger pointing. I'm glad everyone else has found their perfect DH, but it's an ongoing project to educate mine. Fortunately, he does learn. I'd ask all mothers of DS's to be sure that they're not raising another generation of self centred males please!