To be terrified of my brother riding a motorcycle?

[Firstbornunicorn]

My brother announced at Christmas dinner yesterday that he has bought himself a motorcycle and completed his CBT.

For background - my brother lives in a town near my parents' house and cannot drive. He has to walk to work every day, so I can see why a motorcycle would hold some appeal.

However, I hate them. A friend of mine was killed a few years back when his motorcycle collided with a tractor. In addition to this, my brother is kind of the cocky type. He would never believe something like that could happen to him. He's also a bit of a risk taker and does stupid things sometimes, just to see what will happen.

It terrifies me that he might end up being another statistic on our roads. I did tell him that motorcycle riders make up 19% of road fatalities, despite only accounting for 1% of road traffic.

I know it's his choice, and he's a young man in his 20s, so I can't tell him what to do. But I can't settle the growing anxiety that something bad may happen to him on the road.

I'm thinking of offering to pay for driving lessons. I don't have a lot of spare money, and have a baby on the way, but driving a car is demonstrably safer than riding a bike.

AIBU?

I share your views but it's up to him really.

It is up to him, and there's not much I can do, but I don't want to lose my brother to an RTC. 😭

I feel the same way about motorbikes but my DH still rides one everyday. Every time that I can't get hold of him on the phone I panic

I can't say that it's awful as I used to ride before my health deteriorated, and I still miss it now. It's a good cheap way of getting your independence, plus you don't get caught up in traffic jams.

The only thing I would be saying to him is to make sure he always wears proper protective kit. I always wince when I see tracksuit bottoms, no gloves, and the helmet not done up. It's the difference between serious injuries and walking away with just bruising

Ok. And if you pay for car lessons and he died behind the wheel of a car.....How would you feel then?

RTC can happen to anyone. I get your anxiety. I have lost several people in RTCs. It's awful.

But this is his choice. You can't step in and throw money at him till he changes his mind. Also that doesn't mean RTC will never happen to him.

My brother died on a motor bike so I'm horribly biased. I totally understand, OP.

My ds had a bike for about 3 years. Made him text me when he got to /from work every day!!
After realising how bloody cold it was up there he bought a car. Upturned it on a country road within a fortnight! Paramadics were shocked he walked away with barely a scratch.
The worst he did with a bike was run out of petrol and had to push it to a garage.
Remember your db won't want to crash - and try to support his wishes to have one.

@WitchDancer my dad has given him a helmet and leathers. Is there anything else he should have?

@Notacluethisxmas honestly, I understand where you're coming from. I was in a horrific RTC when I was 8 and it has left me with lots of anxiety around driving and traveling, and that was in a car. But the fact is that the driver of a car in an RTC is less likely to be killed. Motorcyclists are exceptionally vulnerable.

@Bluelady I'm so sorry about your brother. X

@Santaisonthesherry it's a good point that he won't want to crash. My other DB has crashed his car twice 😔 thankfully he wasn't injured either time, but it was scary. But still, he wouldn't have walked away from either accident if he'd been on a motorbike.

Leathers are what i was going to ask about.
Dh became an amputee at 17yo but probably wouldn't have had he worn leathers.

Has he got all the protective clothing? It's expensive but if the comments of the emergency paramedics on the TV shows are anything to go by they are worth it.

Sorry xPosted

4 weeks after DH and I got together a close friend of his died in a motorcycle accident.
DH still rides a bike; it scares the life out of me every time he does.
He has taken an advanced motorbike driving course and has all the protective gear - both of which I'd definitely recommend.

Decent gloves with protection on the knuckles, ensure his jacket has a back protector built in (if it hasn't then you can get one that is worn independently), decent trousers (either leather or specialist biker trousers, which will have extra protection in the hip and knee), and decent boots.

The main thing is that he wears them EVERY time he goes out. It's a ball ache kitting up for short journeys, but it is important to do so.

@Notacluethisxmashonestly, I understand where you're coming from. I was in a horrific RTC when I was 8 and it has left me with lots of anxiety around driving and traveling, and that was in a car. But the fact is that the driver of a car in an RTC is less likely to be killed. Motorcyclists are exceptionally vulnerable.*

Yes that's true. I grew up around bikes, my Dp has one. They scare the shit out of me.

But you trying to change his mind by paying for lessons, when it doesn't remove the risk is unreasonable.

This is his choice. But what if he has a bad rtc in car and it's you that forced his hand?

He makes choices about his life everyday. From leaving the house to crossing the road. You can't remove all risk from his life he is an adult and need to make these choices himself. Good or bad.

It's so hard to live with, I totally get it. But if you are this anxious about it, you need to deal with that. Rather try and change his mind.

My brother bought a bike two years ago. Both myself and my mum were scared for him riding about. As it turned out, we hadn't even contemplated the things that should really HAVE terrified us. We lost him this year - not to anything bike related bit to a brain tumour that came from nowhere and took him within two months.
Now that is bloody terrifying.

I hope your brother bikes safely - the biking community is so good for support and advice. And try not to worry.... you sound like a lovely sister.

There is no disguising the fact that riding motorbikes is very dangerous, and the danger is amplified by comparison to modern cars, which are much, much safer than cars from 20+ years ago.

The only way to mitigate the dangers of biking somewhat is to invest in the very best safety kit and in advanced rider training.

@Notacluethisxmas
OK, fair enough. I did ask if I was being unreasonable.
FWIW I've been having ongoing treatment for anxiety for years and it's a lot better than it was. But things like this are the most likely to flare it.
He does want to learn to drive so I guess I don't see it as forcing his hand.

@namechangedyetagain I know. My other brother developed a rare form of cancer at the age of 19. Thankfully, it was successfully treated. But I have never been so scared in all my life.

So sorry about your brother. I'll let mine know about the biking community.

I grew up around bikes, and first rode on the back of my father's bike when I was 4. My first few boyfriends had bikes, I was 19 before I had a boyfriend who could drive.

DP has bikes. He has been riding bikes for nearly 43 years, including 13 years working as motorcycle courier in London, and many years of daily commuting by bike, as well as riding for pleasure. He had a few spills in his first year or so, nothing worse than grazes and bruises, until a car changed lanes without indicating and hit him, dislocating his hip. That was in 1979. He hasn't had an accident since.

I couldn't begin to think how many miles I must have travelled riding pillion. In all those years and miles, I've only had 3 offs, two of which were injury-free and the third (complete fluke, a patch of spilled diesel at low speed) resulted in a painful, but easily remedied, dislocated shoulder.

I attribute my lack of injury to one thing: never get on the back of a bike ridden by someone who rides like a twat. DP's lack of injury is down to two things: a) he doesn't ride like a twat and b) he has a sixth sense for people riding/driving like twats and gives them a wide berth.

Your brother will have to learn not to be a twat or he will soon end up hurting himself. Hopefully, he will get the non-serious but frightening injury that is a huge wake up call, and either give up or quickly develop the skills that a biker needs to stay in one piece.

Having a serious injury/accident isn't a given, and I'd recommend anyone starting out to take a Bike Safe or similar course once they're on the road.

Protective gear is essential, without it even a small spill can lead to awful injuries. Leathers or really good textile jacket/trousers (ideally including some Kevlar or similar), with protective inserts for knees, shoulders, upper spine etc, gloves with plastic protection for knuckles, top quality protective boots and the best helmet you can find (expect to pay iro £300 for a decent one). The fit of the helmet is critical, so go to a reputable supplier.

It would also be a good idea for your brother to go to some bike meets, like the ones at Box Hill in Surrey, where bikers just turn up and hang out. There are always several with arms in slings, on crutches, in wheelchairs, missing a limb or two. It's very sobering for a newbie biker.

My dad was paralysed in a motorbike accident, so I'm pretty biased too. It wasn't his fault (struck by a drunk driver) but I doubt he'd have been paralysed had he been driving a car.

It's up to him, really. But I do understand your reservations.

I was watching 24 hours in A&E the other day and there was a woman taken in who’d crashed her bike and the bottom half of her leg had been completed severed. My DP is desperate for a motorbike but I am firmly against it (as is his DM and DSis, and his cousin’s wife who is a doctor and has seen first hand the types of injuries that are caused on bikes). I would be really upset if he got one, although I’m aware it’s not my decision. But I wish it was!

The main thing is not protective clothing, although it’s good at reducing severity of injuries in low speed crashes.

The main thing is avoiding accidents.

If he starts trying to see how fast he can get round corners, or trying to go as fast as others on bikes, then a serious crash is more or less inevitable.

If he filters between traffic lanes at more than about 15 mph, then a somewhat less
serious crash is pretty well inevitable.

Cars will pull out of side roads in front of him and commit other transgressions. He has to be able to cope with that and not collide with them. Bright clothing and lights will not stop these other road users infringing his right of way.

He (not you) may wish to enquire about safer riding here: www.therevcounter.co.uk/forums/11-Staying-Alive

I would never allow my son to have a rude on ine let alone have. When I was at school two friends lost their older brothers in separate accidents - both decapitated

Obviously there’s nothing you can do, but I’d feel the same. It’s the most dangerous form of transport I believe (prepared to be corrected if I am wrong).

@MaMaMaMySharona I wish it was my decision too! My brother is actually a good driver, but gave up on passing his theory test after a few goes (he's not very academic and I suspect perhaps undiagnosed dyslexic or similar). So I'll have a chat with him and see if he'd be up for giving it another go. I may offer to buy the bike and then burn it 😂 or sabotage it so it fails the MOT!

@waxy1 it's only the CBT he's done so no bigger than a 125cc bike... Surely they can't go too fast anyway? Hopes I remember our dad buying us a 50cc quad to ride in the field and we could literally walk faster than it.

I had a moped when I was a teen, before passing my car driving test. I feel sick now at the harm I could have come to. Although it does make you a good car driver who always looks out for bikers.

The trouble is, it’s not just the risk of bikers getting carried away with speed. The biggest problem I had was drivers not seeing me or pulling out on me. No matter how careful your dbro is, there’s thousands of stupid idiots who don’t take enough time to look for bikers or who take unnecessary and selfish risks.

I’ve heard bikers who are taken into A&E are unofficially called ‘donors’. Sorry to not be able to reassure you, I would do anything to discourage my sibling off a bike and into a car too.