AIBU about in-laws visiting today until Friday?

[tattyteddy]

DH has invited his Parents to come and stay for s couple of days, I’ve never had a problem with this before. However, my Mum is also staying for a few days. I think it will be hard to entertain everyone and there isn’t enough space.

A little back story, my mum doesn’t normally come and stay but in November my sister passed away, my mum’s daughter. We thought if she came and stayed it would be a nice distraction being with grandchildren.

I think it will be awkward with everyone here together.

The invite has gone out now so it is too late to withdraw. Best plan is to make the best of it; plenty of food and wine on offer, walks, offers of going out if space is an issue etc.

So sorry about your sister

It’s probably a bit of anxiety of everyone descending on you that it a bit overwhelming right now.

It will certainly be a distraction for your mum and as long as everyone dives in and helps (unless there is some sort of back story), it will probably be lovely getting everyone together.

Annnnd, it’s a bit late to say ‘sorry don’t come!’ Unless there is sickness etc.!

It'll only be awkward if you make it so and tbh having your in laws might make it easier for your mum to focus on Christmas than her bereavement. After my sister died the first celebration was tough but it was made easier by friends and family who turned up to say hello. It took the focus away from the empty chair at the table, which will always be their. Your husband also has a right to enjoy Christmas with his parents.

It's so sad about your sister, that will make it hard for all of you, but it's lovely you are getting together.

It can be great: as long as everyone has a bed, there is enough space. At worst you might give your bedroom and sleep in the living room, but as the host is first up last to bed, it makes it so much easier and everyone can gather there.

Families are easy to entertain, bit of music, loads of chatting, food and drink. Don't be afraid to be sad when you talk about your sister, it's a hard time when you miss someone, so plenty of people around makes it easier.

I don't get the question but you should have thought about this weeks, if not months, ago. It's too late to be fucking everybody around now.

Thanks for the replies. My mum and the in-laws don’t have the same first language, do conversation can be slightly more tricky but generally fine. My DH had said earlier in the week that he thought his parents were not coming as they needed to look after their other grandchild.

You are right my anxiety about everyone being here is probably worse than the reality. This Christmas has been hard for me and my mum, it’s the second sister I’ve lost, this first died in 2005. I’m normally really excited but have not felt very festive this year.

Knittedjest, my sister died in November of this year so didn’t have months to plan. Normally my family come up then my DH’s family. This year my mum is staying a little linger than normal.

I think your mum needs to take priority here. She'll presumably be in a state of profound grief, surely in-laws could take a step back this year?

They live a four hour drive away, so will have probably left by know. I think we will just have to make the best of it.

Knittedjust why be so rude..The OP"s sister died in November.
OP I'm sure it will be fine with every one thete. Just try and make the most of it.

Goodness - I don’t get your complete lack of compassion @knittedjestr. Seriously, “fucking everybody around” totally unnecessary given what the OP has said about her sister dying in November.

OP - just ride it out. I’m afraid it is too late for making changes do do your best.

OP it’s obviously too late to cancel the in-laws visit now so I would focus on your mum. They will understand the reason why. Perhaps your DH can take them out eg for a walk or to the pub so that you and your mum can spend some time together without anyone else around?

Tattyteddy, it will be ok. Try and take a little quiet time for yourself during the week, take your mum out for a nice walk/ cup of tea somewhere?

To late to do anything now but assuming your ILs are not complete monsters I think it might be nice for them to be there occupying your DP and DCs so that you can focus on your DM.
Just look after yourself and your DM and hopefully everyone will look after you too given the circumstances.

So sorry op

I think it could work well with having the distraction of more people etc but I understand your worrying about it. I think as long as your in laws know and can just give you both that space if you need it.

Sending you all lots of unmumsnetty hugs. Take care of each other

I remember the first two Christmas's with out my Mum and we went to relatives. To be honest a busy household helped distract us. Hopefully that is what will happen for you OP.

knittedjest

Please try and find some Christmas goodwill would you. The first Christmas after the loss of a loved one can be absolutely awful.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

@knittedjest you are very cruel.

Thanks everyone, I think I’ll pop out with my mum this morning for a bit.

Don't expect it to be awkward, just look for ways to make it nice. Presumably your in laws know about your sister and will be kind / sensitive?

I won't go into details here that would out me but my mum and I once spent Christmas with my then boyfriend and his family because of a family crisis we were in. My mum and his parents had never met before but actually it was really lovely and just what we needed to help us through. I don't think it was anyone's first choice of how to spend those few days but everyone rallied and made an effort.

They do know and they are lovely people. I’m sure everyone will be kind to each other. I think I feel stressed at thought of hosting everyone and making sure everyone is happy.

Just a quick update. We all had dinner together last night and it was fine. My mum was due to go home in Saturday but decided to go home today as my other sister isn’t very well, but just needs tlc. Thanks for the messages.

So glad it worked out. Well done.