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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To try to reconnect with ex bestfriend?

8 replies

Ooodles · 25/12/2018 20:08

Ex best friend and I were friends for about 20 years, we were inseparable and rarely argued really, though over the years we did have a handful or so of them. Around 2 years ago now we had been arguing quite a bit and that's when I started to notice I had never heard her say sorry, it was always me who resolved our problems, whether i felt like i was in the wrong or not. And it was usually very difficult to convince her to forget about whatever we were arguing over but i did, i think partly because we had been friends for so long I didn't want to let her go over sometimes so silly. One day there was a misunderstanding between us, i can hardly remember what it was about now it was so silly but I'd had enough so I decided to create a bit of distance between us and wait for her to come to me as it always seemed to be the other way round. Well she didn't and when she did finally speak to me weeks later neither of us were ready to let it go. Over those next few months we saw each other occasionally, we still had mutual and living close to each we bumped into eachother regulary. This only caused more tension, we had multiple arguments and by then I couldn't see us being friends again. Until one day about a year ago I was shopping with my youngest DS, he was having a full on tantrum, throwing himself on the floor, screaming, kicking, so much had been going on i suppose this was the final straw and i decided to start crying with him. I eventually got DS to stand up and was about to take him home when she spotted me. I'd clearly been crying so she asked if i was okay, i said i was and thanked her before we went our separate ways. I didn't think too much of it but it was nice to know she still cared a bit as i thought she didn't. After that whenever we saw each other we were polite, smiled, maybe a hello and some small talk but things were still clearly awkward between us. I haven't seen her in the past few months or heard from her until today, she sent me a message just to say merry christmas and that she hoped my family and i were having a good day. I replied with a simular message. I know it's not much but it was surprising as i hadn't heard from her last christmas or on any celebration, i hadn't thought to send her a message either as we weren't really talking. I felt like she'd forgotten about me and honestly for a long time i missed her like mad, angry with her or not we used to speak every day, it felt strange not. I thought about trying to resolve things many times but I was never sure how so i simply pushed it aside but this has got me thinking again. Would it be a good idea or should i just leave it at that? sorry I rambled so much

OP posts:
Ooodles · 25/12/2018 22:04

Bump

OP posts:
springchicken123 · 25/12/2018 22:11

Life is too short. I would reach out and see how she feels

Plaiceholder · 25/12/2018 22:39

Och, you both sound lovely, give it another chance.

AndCallMeNancy · 25/12/2018 22:52

She’s reaching out to you. I would reciprocate if you think you would like her back in your life. I had a best friend from age 12 -30, then she cut me out, it was a complicated situation and MH issues were involved. We didn’t speak for 4 years. I was devastated at first. Then angry. In time I got over it. But once or twice a year we would be at the same wedding or whatever as had lots of mutual friends and it was so uncomfortable. I knew she would never make the first move but I had a sense she regretted how things had worked out. So I messaged her, we met up, we talked about the issues and made our peace. She was thankful I had made the first move and said she was too scared to do it.

We are good friends again now, not as close as before as our lives have moved on and we are not geographically close anymore but the old connection is still there and when we get together it’s fab.

I hope it works out!

AndCallMeNancy · 25/12/2018 22:53

I do think you should talk about what went wrong OP.

Ooodles · 26/12/2018 09:10

Thank you for the replies, it's hard to know where to start but I suppose seeing if she wants to meet up, maybe after all the christmas and new year madness. Explaining how i felt at the time would be a good start as i think if i had we probably would have sorted it then

OP posts:
Ooodles · 26/12/2018 15:48

I'm so unsure of where to start, it's been so long i can't even think of what to say in a message

OP posts:
springchicken123 · 26/12/2018 21:03

I would keep it simple and open - just ask if she would like to meet up to catch up and take it from there? When you eat a response you will get an idea of whether she is interested or not. When you meet her, keep it light and see how it goes? Don't go in with any expectations as you have no idea how she will feel about it..

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